--remix my work
--podfic my work
--make vids of my fanfic
--show my vids in a vidshow
--link my work, to anyone you reasonably think would appreciate it
--write fanfic of my fanfic
--draw fanart for my fanfic
--or any other permutation of fannish inspiration you can think of.
But if you want my permission, you have it. Also, if I've managed to lock something you wanted to share, poke me about it, that's generally accidental, I will usually unlock.
I would like to hear about if you are using or remixing or etcing my work! That is pretty exciting for me. Also, I would like to be credited (except on those rare occasions--I can think of two--where I have posted work with the specific request *not* to be associated with it).
See also: my braintwin's thoughts on this matter.
So anyway: you don't have to ask to play in my sandbox, but the answer's always yes.
27 October 2008: Industrial Strength Tranquilizer, Eureka vid to the Austin Lounge Lizards. Wedding present for niqaeli. Premiered at vidukon 2008. 24.1MB avi.
18 August 2008: Highway Café of the Damned, Stargate SG-1 vid to the Austin Lounge Lizards. Co-vidded with niqaeli. Premiered at vividcon 2008. 24.6MB avi.
13 August 2007: Tokyo Sling: Remix, Weiß Kreuz vid to Smashmouth's Waste for keelieinblack and the vividcon 2007 Auction. 26.5MB avi.
4 September 2006: Miracle and Wonder, Star Wars original trilogy to Paul Simon's Boy in the Bubble. Blind remaster of baby's first vid. Wedding present for the high school best friend. 27.1MB avi.
16 August 2004: Change, Fight Club to the Getaway People. For cadetdru. Premiered at vividcon 2004. 30MB avi. There is also Commentary, 22mb mov, as of Nov 07.
16 August 2004: Shot in the Head, Touching Evil (US) to David Bowie's Seven Years in Tibet. Mostly done because the source was damn pretty. Premiered at vividcon '04. 13.5MB avi. Or
27 May 2003: Rain, Farscape to Paul McCartney's Mamunia. A serendipitous shift in the weather. For ysobel. 8.4MB avi.
11 March 2003: American Tune, Andromeda (the downfall of Rhade) to Paul Simon. My least favorite of my own vids, but I know that it works for some people, so. 30.8MB avi.
17 February 2003: I Want You, Witchblade (Irons's obsession with Pez and the blade) to Elvis Costello. For boniblithe. 54.5MB avi because it is an effing six and a half minute vid, but I have to say, this encode gets the luminosity to viewable levels.
15 November 2002: Kryptonite Andromeda (Dylan/Rhade) to Three Doors Down. First vid that saw web (remastered for the bits that weren't out on DVD yet originally). Premiered at vividcon '04. 30.5MB avi.
1985, right-click and save as.
music: bowling for soup
blurb: the road to hell, paved with, etc.
file size: 46MB mp4
( notes: )
The Edge of Glory, right-click and save as.
music: lady gaga
blurb: parker x gravity OTP (but I mean. it's an open relationship.)
file size: 26MB mp4
( notes: )
About a year ago, niqaeli and I took my brother out to the movies and pitched Vividcon to him. Every time I'm in town we take my brother out to do something even if it's as silly as wander around IKEA for two hours, because he has, since his first attempt to go away to college at 18, been living at home with fairly debilitating OCD. He is now 25. He's lost touch with all but one of his friends, he relies on my parents for a host of super basic things like turning off the water after washing his hands, he has IBS which only makes his unclean feelings worse, and I really feel like getting him out of my parents' house is a service to everyone involved.
Anyway, my pitch about Vividcon was, it's a trip halfway across the country that he'd take with me and not our parents, to do a fun fannish thing I hoped he'd appreciate, and did he think he could work on his OCD crap enough in a year to be able to go and take care of himself in the ways our parents usually take care of him at home. He does this thing, part of his OCD, where he has to come up with the exact right words to articulate himself for fear of misleading you if he gets it wrong. It can take him days to answer a question. I tend to treat this the way I would querying a computer--I try to ask an exact, specific question to elicit a succinct answer. So I asked him, first, did he want to to, and second, did he think he'd be able to. The answers were yes, and since it was a year away, he thought so.
I made various deals with him over the course of the last year--that I was going to work on making a vid, which was going to be my hurdle parallel to his OCD behavioral therapy work. (I made one! Two actually! Proving once again that the only thing that makes me complete vids is deadlines.) That I would FaceTime with him at least once a week to check in. (Sometimes I had a hard time with this, because when I was behind on my goals or having a bad brain day, I didn't want to have to admit that.) I gave him advice from my own experience getting treated for depression--that it's okay to have bad days, but you don't let a bad day become an endless string of bad days, you pick yourself up and start over the next day.
So last week, or, Saturday nearly two weeks ago, I FaceTimed him after having not for about three days. I was in the process of bleaching my hair and dyeing it pink, and I was afraid my mom would give me crap about being interview-ready on the job search, so I wanted to have the whole thing done and a fait accompli. I have the stupidest reasons for failing to call my brother as regularly as I promise. It turned out that basically the entire three days he'd spent ruminating on how he didn't think he was going to be able to go, and Mom told him he should talk to me about it but he didn't call me. Because well. He was even more internally flaily about that than I was about the dye job.
Our travel plans included me driving to Phoenix, where my family lives, the night before we flew to Chicago for Vividcon. I ended up driving out three days early to spend more time with my brother and try to convince him it was TOTALLY POSSIBLE. And meet his therapist in passing. On Tuesday, he decided that he would go ahead and contact that one high school friend he still talks to every few months, who happens to live in Chicago now. I cheered. The next day we went clothes shopping, because Mom wanted him to have new slacks and shorts for the trip. He was incredibly patient about trying on everything she found for him. There are so so many parts of why this was amazing.
So anyway: we did it. We totally got on the plane and flew to Chicago and went to Vividcon.
And I think my brother enjoyed it more than I did.
At one point around April or so I wrote him a long long description of what Vividcon was like, to my recollection. Club Vivid and the Joxer Dance and the anticipation of Premieres and stuff. One of the things I wrote to him was we'd probably go to 2-3 shows/panels per day, no one went to everything (read: I never went to everything). It's funny to me that I remembered that, but not why.
The why is, I find cons exhausting. I took like three naps a day the entire trip and I felt just beat after watching a vid show (of course, stupid, engaging the extreme focus to watch vids for an hour takes a lot more mental energy than watching an episode of a TV show for an hour). Let alone talking to people. Once we were in the consuite for like ten minutes and when niqaeli decided to go do something else I was like TAKE ME WITH YOU EVERYTHING IS TOO LOUD. There were a ton of people that I marginally recognized as "person I have seen at VVC the last time I was here 5 years ago" but my mental connections between faces and usernames are crap and I was never good at talking to people at cons.
PS If you talked to me about my vid and I made weird faces or said something dumb, it's because my brain was going AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW TO FAKE BEING A HUMAN?????? I mean, I also do not know what to say to compliments so assume what I MEANT to say was "Thank you" but oh my god, SO much alien cyborg input error brain.
I ended up hiding in echan's room watching Olympics during Club Vivid to distract myself from feeling that there were too many people, and too much noise, and I stressed myself out about plane tickets, and also everyone else was enjoying booze while I was not because meds and it's not that I don't want anyone to be drunk around me? It's more, I don't know, I felt like I'd left myself out of everything on that score. Or something.
It was so frustrating, that like. By almost any metric I would have thought of beforehand, this was a very successful Vividcon for me. I made vids, and people liked them. I saw other people's vids, and they were awesome. I did my hair and made a costume for Club Vivid and it was adorable and lit up. I got my brother to go on a four-day trip without my parents and his OCD did not prevent him from participating in the con or meeting up with his friend or even getting out of the hotel room by checkout time. There was no wankfest that blew up in anyone's face.
But my stress-activated GERD had me burping all through Vid Review and during the back half of Club Vivid I was watching Michael Phelps get a medal and having a bit of a cry.
This was the first time I've been to a con since getting medicated for the depression, so probably five years ago I put all the same kinds of reactions down to my brain is borked. But now a year and change into pharmaceutical unborking, I am still having these fundamental problems. The introvert problems. The, too loud, too many people, being around this many people exhausts me and maybe even frightens me, at least in the social awkwardness sense. The, everyone is having fun except me.
So I think I probably won't be going to Vividcon again. Or any con.
Which really sucks because where will I get deadlines to goad me into finishing vids now.
paperbacks/small books ($3 ea)
Z by Yasuko Aoike, a manga about a side character from "From Eroica With Love," in Japanese.
Warrior's Apprentice by Lois McMaster Bujold
Jhereg by Steven Brust
Teckla by Steven Brust
Yendi by Steven Brust
Taltos by Steven Brust
A War of Gifts by Orson Scott Card
trade paperback/anthologies ($5 ea) (rather than try to tell you what all stories are in these anthologies, I'll provide ISBNs you can plug into google)
A New Omnibus of Crime, 9780195370713
The Best American Mystery Stories of the Century, 9780618012718
The Longman Anthology of Detective Fiction, 9780321195012
Murderous Schemes, 9780195104875
The Killing Spirit, 0879518456
Detective Stories, 9780307272713
Tiassa by Steven Brust
shiny new hardbacks ($7 ea)
Cryoburn by Lois McMaster Bujold (still contains CD)
Jhegaala by Steven Brust
I'm willing to be talked into a bulk discount if you to take like half of them off my hands at once.
Comments are screened on this entry so you can tell me things like your address or your email in relative privacy.
The main thing that struck me about Walter and September is I was trying to put together a mental map of the time jump between seasons 4 and 5. Because there's like 5 years between the end of season 4 and the Observer Invasion (the time in which Olivia and Peter have a kid, maybe even get married I honestly forget), and then there's like a twenty year gap of they got ambered and didn't get pulled out until the occupation had been ongoing for a while, which allows them some brief anonymity in fighting the Observers bc the Observers have assumed they were dead.
During the 5 yr gap, Walter and September were working on a plan to stop the invasion, apparently without Peter or Olivia or Astrid's knowledge. Walter's brains are scrambled to prevent the Observers from getting the plan out of him with telepathy, but no one else on the main Fringe team has any idea what the plan was. They have to follow tapes they dig out of the amber in Walter's lab to collect all the plot coupons--one of which is actually September. Because they figured out early on Walter was working with someone named Donald on this ~secret plan~, but no one, not even brain-scrambled Walter, knew who Donald was or how to find him, until it turned out that Donald was September, but with hair.
So my question was--how did Walter, who (to his own chagrin) requires pretty much constant babysitting, commonly coordinated between Peter and Astrid, manage to not only travel to work on a plan he was keeping secret from them, but avoid ever introducing anyone to his co-conspirator?
One of the things I want to rewatch for is to figure out how many of them have actually met September face to face. Peter had a brief interaction with him in 104 that went rapidly to an "Apples, bananas, rhinoceros" place because the Observer plan for avoiding action is apparently use their telepathy and unusual relationship with time to mirror at people. He then shoots Peter with a futuristic stun gun and makes his escape. There's also, September bleeding out foretold Olivia needing to die to prevent Bell from collapsing the universes at the end of season 4. Also Olivia studied September's face pretty thoroughly when she was trying to figure out why he was stalking her crime scenes. I'm less sure of Astrid, but in general I think this means September would have had to keep out of everyone but Walter's sight to maintain secrecy. I can imagine he would want to, like, the Observers ID'd Peter and Olivia as important, he should never be anywhere near them to avoid them realizing he's meddling, right? Although how he can then get away with hanging out with Walter I don't understand. Maybe, hand wave, the Observers discounted Walter from importance when they wiped Peter out of the timeline. And figured that held even when Peter stubbornly refused to cease existing, since Walter didn't remember Peter, so whatever, not important anymore.
I'm kind of imagining Walter telling Peter he needs his own place because he, ahem, met someone, and anyway Peter will want more space in his own house when Olivia has the baby; and both Peter and Olivia being like, excuse me what? because that was totally something September mentioned in passing, not something that's like, happened yet. I also feel like if Peter's only interaction with September pre-hair was apples bananas rhinoceros, he might be able to see him, be like "I know you from somewhere" and be satisfied with September admitting they met once in passing before but Walter hadn't introduced them so he (September) was rather flummoxed and rude, so sorry.
I also have been pondering September seeking Walter out after the whole de-observerfying. Like, it's not just that now he has hair, he also has physiologically driven emotions and the inability to stalk people through time and space since his implant has been removed. So he has to get from wherever the Observers dumped him to where Walter is, probably has to do some more traditional stalking to figure out when he can approach him without other people being there to see, has to somehow come up with like, money or a job or something for clothes and a place to live, or find Walter fast enough that his lack of such doesn't impede him too much until Walter can help, although I am continually laughing at Walter trying to convince Peter and everyone that he should be able to live on his own with his boyfriend why won't you let me mortgage a house.
Maybe Walter can argue his way into living in one of the properties he already owns; the Reiden Lake house, for instance.
But the idea of September skulking around trying to figure out when to talk to Walter suddenly made me wonder--when he shows up to talk to Walter in the lab at the end of season 1, and they end up at Reiden Lake and Walter is Missing and Peter eventually finds him out there--like, did September hold hands with Walter and jump him through spacetime from the lab to the lakeside, or did he lead Walter out to the parking lot, pull a key fob out of his pocket, and make a car beep and unlock for them? Like, we know September can drive; he was driving Walter's car in 1985 when Walter woke up from the dunk in the ice. So September could have driven them to Reiden Lake. But like. Is it his car? A car he randomly "borrowed" that he knew its owner wouldn't be looking for it for a day or so? What kind of car does an Observer drive? or--what kind of car does September drive, he's not exactly standard Observer temperament in all things. Does he cram Walter in a Smart, because the future has taught him to conserve resources as much as possible? Does he revel in some kind of classic gas-guzzling boat, because nothing of the sort is available in the future? Does he have a Camry or a Civic or something, because it's a common car that won't stand out and attract any attention? What did they talk about on the three hour drive from Harvard to Reiden Lake? Did September let Walter pick the music? Did September drive off and leave him there after the dramatic handover of the coin? Did Walter say, "Wait, where are you going?" and September enigmatically assure him someone would find him soon?
But, back to the future (starring Eric Stoltz), the few years of recently humanized September and Walter managing to hide all their adventures from everyone else. And like. When they find him in season 5, he totally brushes off what happened to him as he always admired the time period, it wasn't much of a punishment to strand him there; but like. Imagine how much crap he was going through, going from having no feelings of his own, just weird echoes of feelings from Observing a society where everyone had them, to suddenly having all of the biochemical mechanisms of feelings flowing in his veins. And not having any experience with moderating anything. Like, I'm imagining him throwing something in frustration, and being shocked by the sound of it shattering, and admitting, I don't know why I did that. I think Walter would glibly offer to take a blood sample and synthesize something pharmaceutical to help September out, he certainly uses chemicals to induce moods and states of mind he wants for himself; I'm not sure what September would think about that.
And then, also, pants feelings. September comes from a society where no one has romantic relationships, let alone sexual ones; all offspring are grown to maturity in tanks; and they don't seem to have gender delineations, I'm not even sure they have any expression of sexual characteristics at all. The lack of hair might have pointedly been genetically added in to mark the lack of secondary sex characteristics. So here's September, who's been adult but neuter for an entire waking life, who now has suffered what the Observers term biological reversion to turn him into a standard 21st century human male, so he's dealing with both the feelings and the anatomy for the first time in his life. It's like puberty, but worse. And he has no models from his own society on how to or when it's appropriate to act on his feelings; he's been Observing the world he's been dumped in for a while, but he has no experience of his own, and he's so lost, and he doesn't even know if he wants to act on his feelings, like the society he comes from seems to have all kinds of like, cultural suppression and disapproval at anyone who seemed like they might be feeling things. Even though he's not there anymore, he spent a long time pretending that he was unaffected by Observing, that feelings were not at all catching and he certainly had none, sir.
And--it struck me in the episode where they find "Donald," that even though he's emotionally open, he's astounded that Walter is still alive and so glad to see him again, he's not tactile. At the moment where I totally expected him surprise everyone and embrace Walter, he didn't. He was so effusively happy but he didn't reach out, at all. And of course nothing in the society he's from would encourage touch at all. No one is a parent in the sense of raising a child, genetic donors do not hold their offspring and the offspring are not children, they are fully matured in tanks and enter the world as adults. No one has intimate relationships outside of the families they don't have. No one has any reason to touch anyone else. And it's not that I think September might not want to, more that, from that background, he doesn't know how, doesn't trust himself to do it in a way that conforms with social expectations, and honestly, might be overwhelmed. Even the smallest touches, Walter's hand on his shoulder, evoke so much emotion in him. And he's so ill-equipped to handle emotion at all.
In the first episode of the Prophets are freaked out by corporeality and linearity and think humans must be destroyed because so aggressive, violent, etc, an inherent danger to their existence.
We know the Prophets eventually start deliberately messing around with time for outcomes they want, see: Sisko's ancestry.
My theory is that the non corporeal beings who exist outside of time and were trying to incite the Xindi to preemptively wipe out humanity--they were the Prophets, doing that while experiment with the timeline in the same span of existence as Sisko explaining that humans are totally not mass-murdering colonialist dicks, but in fact totally peaceful people who swing bats at balls for irrelevant reasons.
It was the Delphic Expanse they were trying to create. So easily could have been a translation error for this space claimed by the Prophets. Perhaps the expanse was even an early attempt at creating the interface with regular space that eventually became a wormhole! I mean, why not, sure it's been around 10,000 years, and sort of kind of probably existed before Sisko and Dax fell into it, but what is time? What is before? Linearity does not apply.
(I also theorized the shapeshifters Enterprise NX-01 met on a rogue planet were totally the Founders. How did they end up in the gamma quadrant from there? Well, the rogue planet probably like, vanished into the expanse when it evaporated, I mean, why not.)
Cherryh, in general; I'm collecting audiobooks of the Foreigner series to listen to on the metro and on long drives (I've read them all, which seems to be a thing I want/like/need in audiobooks? That it's a book I know and am sure I am up for having it poured into my ears?). read the Chanur and the Mri books earlier this year, got most of the way thru Morgaine before stopping bc not up to torture/execution opening scene of 4th book. And now I'm poking my way through various omnibuses that collect unrelated novels for anything with azi in; found Port Eternity interesting in the emergency interactions but kind of blah in the conclusion; most of the way through Serpent's Reach and torn between fascination and wondering if Raen actually comprehends azi mindset much at all. Planning to reread Cyteen... eventually. Or maybe listen to it, I got the audiobook of that but like. I'm not sure I want to take that one on tape!
Babylon 5 rewatch with jetpack_monkey, because we needed an ensemble show to prevent us from rewatching Grey's Anatomy again, and this was the one we agreed on. We just started s2, but it might be a bit until we continue because Fallout 4 dropped today. I remember the broad strokes of B5 but many of the particular moments are delights I had forgotten.
(in theory I'm still making a GA vid, which is honestly more fannish than a lot of my interaction with these various media, so I should probably include GA too even though not actively watching it now. Just for like. The past six months. you know. whatever.)
Hemlock Grove, I'd seen the first two seasons previously but did not recall them particularly so I'm rewatching for s3. I'm up to the surprise threesome Miranda wants them not to be awkward about. Does she die or turn out to be evil or something? I forget. This series is so weird. Not the gothic whatever, the narrative construction. Like, in the first season, the two boys who are ostensibly the main characters are utterly irrelevant to the plot--neither is actually the killer, neither actually stops the killer, I don't think you can even say they solved who the killer was, they just did various pointless things until she showed up and confessed, basically. And then the whole Letha's pregnancy thing--that was apparently Olivia's doing, her mindwhammying Roman into it. Basically all the white dudes on this show are whiners dancing on the strings of women puppeteers, Roman, Norman, you can make an argument about whether Peter counts since Romani, but played by a white dude; he makes Roman have more of a personality but he's not a particularly effective plot force. Dr. Pryce actually moves the plot occasionally, but then, he's definitely not white. And--I'm not complaining per se that the women and people of color are the most interesting and complex and active, but I wish the story was framed around them, then. Like, as far as I can tell, the show THINKS its overarching theme is the tragedy of Roman's decline and fall into upirism but like. In the list of things that are more interesting: Shelley, everything about Shelley, Clementine Chasseur's background in monster-hunting and moral conflict about it, Destiny's very grounded, bodily fluid-based magical practice, Olivia's background and manipulations and how she's gotten through the centuries and why it's been so difficult for her to have the baby she wanted, a wolf-girl afraid of sexuality turning to an unwed pregnant teenager for help-- anyway, I have feelings about this show and the things it should give me more of and fails to.
How to Get Away With Murder - finished the first season on Netflix a couple of days ago. Facepalming all over the place at various "reveals."
Portal. Played through Portal recently, might play through Portal 2, although from what I saw of jetpack_monkey's play thru of the first few chapters, GLaDOS's new habit of weight-based insults may turn me off. Kind of like how you may not want to play Katamari games if you have certain kinds of issues with your father.
I just called the endodontist on a number that I was told took voicemails for him on nonbusiness hours and I would get a call back. But he actually picked up the phone, which threw me, and I don't feel like I said everything I had planned to say about the condition of the most recent root canal.
Also I haven't eaten food yet today. I have root canal's on both side of my mouth, the left side has like a filling Cap so it's not too bad to eat on but I'm not supposed to eat anything crunchy or sticky. The two root canal's down front are fresh and sore and I'm not supposed to bite down with them so I need to eat food I can spoon into my mouth basically. Or that I can cram into the left side and bite off over there. But my basic solution to food distress only eating things that don't require utensils or plating -- Not working so much today.
Sunday: relax, read fanfic
Monday: bake or batch cook (to be replaced by jobhunting after I have done the schedule a week and am okay with the idea of the schedule) (cooking tends to happen on its own, I do get sufficient satisfaction from it to compel myself to do it without a scheduled day)
Friday: alternate between mending day and cleaning the bathroom top to bottom
Saturday: Knitting for me (there was a knitting for other people item on Friday, but knitting for other people tends to happen without the schedule because those have holiday deadlines mostly, and this list is for items that I want to do but I'm not getting done)
So I looked at the list today to see what I was going to be doing and trying to figure out writing freaked me out and I wanted to switch the days around to do quilting today or something. I think it's okay to alter the schedule for like, workflow reasons? Like I am considering making Saturday the relaxing day and putting a doing something item on Sunday because Saturday my roommates are home from work and I am likely to hang out with them and not do Things, versus on Sunday they are at work and some of these items I feel more comfortable doing without other people around. However I don't think it's okay to change the schedule because on a particular day I don't want to do to thing that's on schedule because if I give into that I will just constantly move the things that I don't want to do into the future and they won't get done and it will thus defeat the purpose of the entire concept.
So even though it's not what I originally meant by writing (I was thinking narrative fiction, probably fanfiction, maybe eventually in the future pro writing, scripts for things I want to produce, when that concept terrifies me less) I decided that writing this entry that's all meta about writing would be my stab at writing for the day. Yay success.
Part of the reason writing narrative fiction caused me to freak out was that I can't pick which story to write. And then part of it is I have notes for different stories, disorganized, stashed in years' worth chat logs, and occasionally I start the project of sorting through chat logs for all the stories or a specific story but it's such a gargantuan project and it doesn't feel like actually writing, prose is not produced. I think it's okay to write a story out of order (although I've never really done so) so I'm going to try to give myself permission to, if I find a scene notated in a chat log that grabs me, translate it into the narrative prose on the spot without finishing the gargantuan project of sorting all the chat logs because I can't finish that project first and then start writing, even though I feel like that's the right order to do things, because doing that just puts off writing indefinitely.
The other thing I want to do today is pick a limited set of all the stories I'm interested in writing, with and eye to limiting how many years of chat logs I need to sort through to get my data. My most recent plotbunny-generating fandoms are Teen Wolf and Cherryh's Foreigner series, and my participation in Teen Wolf extends back a sufficient number of years that I'm not willing to put all of my plotbunnies for that show on this limited list, there's too many, there's too much volume of chat log to go through.
So the stories I'm willing to look at and work on are:
–Wolf wife, a sort of fairytale deconstruction I was working on at the end of last year/beginning of this year which I actually wrote a few thousand words of narrative prose for and planned out to the actual ending. That's only about two months of logs to look through and the existing readable prose might encourage me to write more.
–Bren-daja, an AU of the Foreigner series in which the protagonist is female instead of male, featuring menstruation in science fiction, cross cultural discussions of queerness with aliens, and chocolate smuggling. I don't believe I wrote any narrative prose on this but it's a plotbunny I had this year so all the chat logs should be like January through May, and I think I outlined it all the way to the conclusion as well.
–The Yes Story, a magical allegory on consent and also one manifestation of an archetype of a story I have had plotbunnies for across multiple fandoms, and also a wallow in whumping and hurt/comfort for when I have depressive moments and need something external to be sad about (this happened last month when I was having my downswing, I started thinking about this story and poked chat logs, and had the funny realization that it was much less distressing to focus on the terribleness of Stiles under a curse than to feel like everything in my life was terrible. Especially when I had crying for no reason days. Crying over a story feels much less broken than crying for no reason because depression. So I don't want to focus on this story all the time but I sort of want it to be there when I need it, and to be on this list of stuff I can poke.) These logs go back to April 2013 so that's a longer chunk of data and will be intermixed with other stories like Magic Rituals that I might also get distracted by, but at least this one is also outlined beginning to end. (It actually came into the world fairly fully formed, the first scene I thought very much about was the end when Stiles and Lydia are burning the body and breaking the curse. I was driving from LA to Phoenix and that scene playing in my head was sort of an odd companion, yet still better than when I let my brain wander down dark depressive holes, which it can do when I'm on a long drive alone at night--I need to keep a better collection of audiobooks and radio plays and maybe podcasts for that drive, they're the best distraction from the inside of my own brain.)
So I have this iPod speaker dock that I honestly forgot I had and which has become pretty irrelevant in my current set-up. It is perfectly functional, just not something I ever use. It's the old style iPod connector, not the lightning--the 30-pin (so apparently up to like 4th generation iPhone, and I had a 5th generation iPod nano that used that connection?). It is rechargable--it comes with a power cord, but after you charge it up you can unplug it and take it wherever. It also has a little bitty remote control. It's Logitech, and I believe it was in the range of $100-150 when it was new.
If anyone wants it, I'll part with it for $25+shipping (to be calculated from your zip code and the weight of the thing boxed, approx 3.5lb). iPod not included.
This is feeling very meta though. The thing I was actually going to post about was my fail boat about today and whether to go out now that it's two in the morning. I slept all day today, was up for like an hour in the middle of the day, I think, but I slept other than that from about 6 AM to about 9 PM. echan is on graveyard, I don't think I'm full on matching zir schedule. But ze just answered my text about going out for food so I can stop waffling and being the fail boat and go out. It's good to leave the apartment at least once a day.
So today, my sinuses are doing a new and interesting thing: I keep getting these twinges (and by that I don't mean painful per se I just mean awareness of thing happening) where it feels like my teeth are adjusting position, as if the sinus pressure is pushing one or two of them out of socket. And honestly, compared to the typical sensations of sinus pressure on my teeth, a.k.a. sobbing pain, I'll take it. I would really honestly happily lose a molar if it meant my ongoing sinus crap was less horrifically painful.
I'm also going to the dentist soon hopefully, if any of my upper molars have anything wrong with them, which given the history of me and root canals it is sadly possible, I'm just going to tell the dentist to yank them: I actually have a theory that my existing root canal hardware pokes my sinuses whenever they are swollen and makes everything more painful so yeah. I would million times rather lose a molar than take another root canal.
Comments are screened so you can leave an email address/shipping address. Let me know what you're interested in or any questions you have. Deadline to claim stuff is 11:59PM on Thursday, June 25th, 2015, as I am totally taking the rest to Goodwill the next day.
I'm going to include as much sizing info as I can from the garments, but for reference the sewing mannequin is set to a waist of 40", hips at 45", and given one of my bras so her widest-bust measurement is 51". It's not ideal--I would have made her more plus-size if she expanded more--but so you know what you're looking at in the photos below.
( Cut for large images of garments )
Divergent by Veronica Roth
Epic by Connor Kostick
Foundation trilogy by Isaac Asimov (trade paperback anthology, stripped of cover)
Dune by Frank Herbert (paperback, stripped of cover)
Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Isaac Asimov's Utopia by Roger MacBride Allen
Jennifer Murdley's Toad by Bruce Coville
The Cold Cash War by Robert Aspirin
Star Trek 10 by James Blish
Hook by Terry Brooks
Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code by Eoin Colfer
Clan Ground by Clare Bell
Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce
Wolf-Speaker by Tamora Pierce
Imajica by Clive Barker
The Merlin Conspiracy by Diana Wynne Jones
Harry Potter 1-3, JK Rowling
Lord of the Rings omnibus trade paperback, JRR Tolkien
Deep Wizardry by Diane Duane
Young Miles (Warrior's Apprentice/Vor Game omnibus) by Lois McMaster Bujold
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
Set this House in Order by Matt Ruff
Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
The Prince by Machiavelli (trans David Wootton)
Up in the Air by Walter Kirn
Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo (trans Walter J Cobb)
Henri, le Chat Noir by William Braden
Pro Tools for Macintosh & Windows by Steven Roback
Roscolux filter swatches
Tao Te Ching (trans Stephen Mitchell)
101 Things I learned in Architecture School by Matthew Frederick
Games for Actors and Non-Actors by Augusto Bol (trans Adrian Jackson)
Ways of Seeing by John Berger
Cinema Eye, Cinema Ear by John Russell Taylor
All comments are screened, so you can leave your shipping address in a comment if you like, or an email address so I can contact you via email. Shipping cost will be based on weight of your requests and your zip code. I am willing to ship outside the US but I note the shipping cost will probably be prohibitive.
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Pick a day of the week:
(it's not time-consuming, it's just a logging thing that I don't need to look at like four times a day oh my god, once a week is plenty often enough to check, and should be better for my sanity.)
today i decided to call them again. played phone tag before, this time i was just like whatever if it needs an appointment let's make an appointment, i know i can motivate myself to leave the house for appointments and i shouldn't have to pay for this but i would rather pay the co-pay than the ongoing stress and worry at this point
so i learned that it would have been rather difficult to find the office in person to bother, as they had moved--which i knew, the doctor told me they were moving to the fourth floor the last time i went in--but it turns out the fourth floor of another building.
So i have this idea for food managing. I know that kind of stuff can be triggering for people so I'm dropping it behind a cut, but if it's relevant to you: i'm not dieting, this is more about not being wasteful of food I have/saving money by not ordering delivery as much/my intermittent depression-related lack of cope for food prep. But in general this is a pro-food, pro-eating good things project. ( Read more... )
vid: Bad Kids
fandom: The Losers
song: Bad Kids by Lady Gaga
file format: mp4, 28.1MB
warnings: muzzle flash, explosions, blood etc ala canon, shadowpuppet noncon
Five against the fortress. Team vid. Go Petunias.
so i've been reading a bunch because my weird muscle thing makes books the most easily held form of media for me at the moment, and when I was doing a, well, honestly, semi-random above-the-waist draw from my shelves, I pulled out a book that I remembered as being id candy but i wasn't sure it was actually good, called Shadow by Anne Logston.
Shadow is a 500+ yr old elf, an extremely experienced thief, and cheerfully promiscuous. She sleeps with three different men in the first book, and also related the time she got her and her best friend Lady Donya out of a pickle with a band of highway robbers by... having an orgy with all of them, basically. Elven culture in general seems to be wired this way; most of her sexual encounters start off with her asking, "Well, aren't you going to greet me properly?" In addition, elves have sufficient difficulty conceiving that whenever an elf woman is fertile, it's tradition to grab as many elf dudes as she can find and "dance the high circle." Shadow herself was a high circle baby.
Most of the important characters in the book are women - Shadow's best friend, Donya, human warrior hero type; the mysterious assassin Blade; Celene, Donya's mother and one of the city leaders, and a magic worker who helps Shadow with some key plot points. The world is set up... not without misogyny? For instance, Shadow has to escape a rape attempt at one point, from men whose justification that "all elves are slutty" sounds a lot like real world "she was asking for it" bullshit. But it's set up so that women can take on these different societal roles - city leader, shopkeeper, assassin, guildmistress, warrior - and it's not remarkable, or unheard of. Also, it passes Bechdel like, every 5 minutes.
My conclusion upon finishing my reread was it was trashy in all the best ways, and I adored it.
I followed up by rereading another book that I recalled to be similar in terms of fantasy faux medieval setting and plot (female protagonist received a piece of jewelry that everyone and their uncle wants to kill her over; she uncovers plottiness in trying to survive and figure out WHY), The Raven Ring by Patricia C Wrede. (The other reason these books remind me of each other is another piece of id candy for me: hair. Shadow has a pile of hair on her head equal to her five centuries, which she has to keep talking people out of calling her Matriarch for, and styles of braids are likewise signifiers in Raven Ring, with Eleret asking a friend to give her a battle braid when matters escalate.)
Wrede is a better known, better recognized author than Logston (Wrede's gotten some ALA awards). She writes good prose, better prose, better dialogue I think - there are a couple of exchanges I have dogeared in my copy of this book, that I remain really fond of - but I actually came away disappointed on the feminism front. Yes, the book has a female protagonist, Eleret, but the next two characters in the line-up are male - Lord Daner, and Karvonnen the rogue - and worse, as a B-plot they're competing for her affections, and at the end of the novel she chooses one to take home with her (a fairly serious commitment, especially since she hadn't realized they were both romantically interested in her until late in the game). (Compare, Shadow gets laid a lot, but none of her partners think they're gonna go steady or whatever; one gets as far as asking if she's going to be staying long in the city where the story's set and she's like "ahahahah no i don't stick around long enough to see my human buddies get old, it's depressing." There's also, then, no competition between Shadow's partners; in the final scene, where they are sorting out what all happened and drinking together, two of them are there as her friends.)
The supplementary characters (characters whose purpose is additional info/plot propeller) in Raven Ring tend to be male more often, too. Eleret's going to claim the belongings of her dead mother from the military; the military commander is male. So is the magical Adept she seeks advice from. There's a junior magical apprentice, Prill, who is female, but she seems mostly there for flavor; there's one or two female magical experts who are mentioned but remain entirely offscreen. While Shadow passes Bechdel fairly damn often, I had to think pretty hard to come up with scenes where Raven Ring did. Do Prill and Eleret talk about anything but Lord Daner or Adept Climeral? Still not sure. Prill is basically the only positively portrayed female character besides Eleret (her mom doesn't count since she's dead). I finally recalled that Eleret does pass Bechdel with an antagonist, who wants to talk to her about the ring, and with Daner's aunt, who Eleret asks for advice regarding her card reading. Daner's aunt - all of Daner's female relations - are treated somewhat dismissively, as if they are all silly and annoying because they are feminine.
And they are traditionally feminine, in the societally prescribed roles and dresses that seem a lot more like standard fantasy medieval. Sure, Eleret can fight and would prefer to be in leggings instead of skirts, and her mother was in the army - but that's only HER people's culture, the Cilhar aren't like everyone else, the Cilhar are odd, Daner keeps getting in her way because he thinks he's protecting a helpless maiden, his sisters are aghast that she doesn't wear a fancy dress down to dinner.
so overall i found the quality YA novel to be one that elevated a female protagonist by setting her against other women, one step forward two steps back; while the trashy women's adventure book had women with women friends helping each other; and also honestly having healthier relationships with men in terms of openness and respect vs "good" men who belittled and underestimated the female protagonist and had to learn to see her true capabilities.
these were both important books to me growing up but the direct comparison astonished me.
The only reason I didn't burn through Psych in a week is because there was a trip to Maine in the middle of it. Psych made me cry at the end because it hit all these buttons of real world crap in the last season: quitting the job that makes you a drone, feeling like a leech, trying for jobs people put up flyers for because you're that desperate, moving to follow people you care about, living the somewhat awkward OT3 life. And these things being difficult and having to talk to people you care about and just. Things. All my feelings. (I think I'm Gus, overall, but not everything is neatly aligned.)
In the last two months, I've watched about half of Atlantis, half of Continuum, a season of Daria, the Finder, we've started on Better Off Ted, Hemlock Grove, the current run of Teen Wolf, all of Psych, and I'm reaching for something else to spend my time on. Chuck, Witches of East End, Dead Like Me.
I fell asleep two episodes into Witches of East End, which isn't promising, but that's better than being on edge at the "flunked out of college, dead-end job, oops literally" aspect of the first couple of episodes of Dead Like Me, until I finally just stopped it, or the jarring why didn't I remember this part of Chuck where he's vying for the assistant manager position. And flailing about how he was kicked out of college. Was there a reason I stopped watching Chuck? I can't remember.
My degree is a fingertip's length away and I keep feeling like a drop-out for how long it took. At this point, probably the only more terribly apt media I could inflict on myself would be Wonderfalls: got the degree, and the dead-end job anyway.
Nate suggested Community at one point. I've been avoiding Community since it started because I know I can't deal with a show set in community college until I'm done with school. And I don't feel done enough yet. So.
I could go back to Daria but I'm starting to feel weird about watching high school set coming-of-age shows. When will I feel like an adult, and not like a coming-of-age story is still relevant to my life? I think I've asked that before. Like, five years ago.
I think I want purest escapist fantasy, but I get hung up on the fact that I can't relate to anyone.
I'm tired. I need to do something else.
eta: so I'm gonna turn off comments on this entry, because I was not actually looking for TV recs when I said I need to do something else.
Final flavor list:
(Honey and Lemon had fairly low interest but were left on because I totally have those things and I might want them for myself. Kahlua I definitely want for myself what are we even talking about. )
(Members of my household should also respond so I know how many to make for keeping!)
(If you didn't respond to the original post it's okay to ask to be included now. But the flavor list is set, you can only pick from these. The recipe says I should get 15 dozen truffles out of this; ten people replied and there's me and Nate and Echan here, so I could hand out to a couple more people.)
(Although I hadn't mentally processed through the notion of shipping costs for a dozen packages earlier. Poking at USPS I think it will probably be $5-6 per package within the US which I think I can probably handle, though if anyone wants to chip in I will happily accept. Does anyone who has requested truffles live outside the lower 48?)
--fair warning all the nut ones would probably be made with some form of alcohol
--am willing to take requests if i can figure out how to do a flavor neatly
--like raspberry ala chambord
Ping if interested with requested flavors, I'll probably figure out the 4-6 favorite flavors that will cause me the least pain and suffering and send out like, a dozen to everyone who wants.
Recipe includes condensed milk and butter, so sadly not for my vegan or dairy-free friends.
I'm trying to get the projector set up as a second monitor on Bit, because by a miracle* the screen is today medium viewable for fighting with menus (everything is on slow fade transition, therefore the mouse is invisible when moving, I've gotten to love the arrow keys). I did the driver install for the projector off the copy of the install CD jetpack_monkey put on my flash drive, because Bit has no CD drive of its own. Bit remains unconvinced anything is attached to it, citing as its only two available monitors its attached screen, and the Plug and Play! version of its attached screen (?!). I also tried turning it off and turning it back on again despite my fears of screen quality degradation. I am now stumped.
Fucking Bit, I swear to god.
*I figured I couldn't make it any less functional, since it was throwing fucking static last night, so I took a note out of Scotty's book and whacked it a couple of times
ETA: No, you know, the real miracle is it even let me use the wireless keyboard I mean REALLY what were the chances
✔wash a load of clothes so I can wear jeans to drive tomorrow
✔get stuff up from the car
--build Miss a cat tree
--figure out what the fuck to do about the unplungeable toilet
✔eat something. grill cheese? I shopped yesterday
✔watch some more leverage and knit some more
things i want to vid lately:
--finish the "Self-Esteem" vid
--Nate really wants me to make the Actual Cannibal Shia Laboeuf vid
--echan cracked up at the idea of a Dr. Strangelove vid to the Cake cover of War Pigs
--I found a song for the Dot/Phryne vid I want, I should actually follow through on that
--we're talking about clipping Fringe more, it's exciting
IT DESERVES ALL ITS TERRIBLE REVIEWS
like, on the one hand, it's a socialist movie making a very unsubtle allegory about the problems with capitalism, and i want to like it for that,
but it's SO POORLY THOUGHT OUT THAT IT HURTS
also: there was no escape from civilization, I didn't even get the money shot for the dystopia vid. i mean, i guess it IS more realistic that they wouldn't be able to break the system entirely, they would have to keep beating on the walls from within, but it's also really narratively unsatisfying. like, that ending SUCKED
so a few years ago niq and i had this plotbunny about the hilarious rom-com of Alys and Padma, because they were totally a fairytale romance, the prince's grandson and the beautiful young vor maiden. I mean, we headcanon it as a fairly modern fairytale romance where she was actually low vor and worked for a living instead of being like, a count's daughter or something. I mean, her job was a countess's social secretary but
part of the story of their romance included this barrayaran engagement tradition i invented and am routinely saddened does not occur in any of the canon weddings: the reading of the faults. it's kind of an outmoded tradition? but so like the idea is: the best man will tell the bride to be all of the groom's faults, in theory so that she could throw him over in the best man's favor. Oh wait i just found my old post on it, let me quote what Ivan told me about: "a Time of Isolation tradition that has almost entirely died out in which a friend of the groom will slander him most vilely--to scare his bride off, or legitimately warn her what she's getting into, or possibly just troll everyone for the lulz, depending on what fairy tales you heard as a child." Aral read Padma's faults for him, because, ridiculous modern fairy tale; Padma attended, though he was not supposed to, so he could add his own commentary on how he was really much worse than Aral was painting him. Ivan drags Ekaterin off to read her Miles's faults, because he's been writing the list since he was sixteen years old and he realized how desperately Miles wanted to find his Lady Vorkosigan, and he WILL NOT BE DENIED THIS OPPORTUNITY
today i started cracking up at the notion of Selda (we named her, whatever) and Ezar's wartime engagement and you know, things are shitty as hell and there's not time for a lot of niceties but in a moment of black humor Selda demands of this camp of ragged soldiers that someone tell her Ezar's faults, and no one really wants to? he's their leader? it feels inappropriate? but eventually Piotr's like HE EATS HIS GROATS WITH BUTTER. SALTED BUTTER. and eventually half the camp chimes in with stuff about that silly or "he put me on latrine duty!" or whatever (eventually Selda cuts them off and says perhaps someone had better tell Ezar HER faults instead. Negri--we made Negri hers before Ezar's, he was her bodyguard and also her messenger when she outmaneuvered Yuri and sent them an invitation to come take the palace--SO much backstory we've decided on for this lady okay--anyway, Negri agrees to read her faults to Ezar but says perhaps they better do it in private. "Oh, are we going to pretend I am unsullied?" asks Selda; "Yes, my lady, I think we should pretend," says Negri.)
so like, pffffff ridiculous fast forward 85 odd years, Duv is comfortable enough about his extended in-laws to go off on historical rants about people they knew, and Aral drops, contextless, into a thesis on Emperor Ezar, that among his many faults, he ate his groats with salted butter
and Duv, taken aback, asks how one is meant to eat groats?
and Aral replies, with maple syrup, as any good Vorkosigan will tell you.