Off the prompt "cuddles."

so a few years ago niq and i had this plotbunny about the hilarious rom-com of Alys and Padma, because they were totally a fairytale romance, the prince's grandson and the beautiful young vor maiden. I mean, we headcanon it as a fairly modern fairytale romance where she was actually low vor and worked for a living instead of being like, a count's daughter or something. I mean, her job was a countess's social secretary but

part of the story of their romance included this barrayaran engagement tradition i invented and am routinely saddened does not occur in any of the canon weddings: the reading of the faults. it's kind of an outmoded tradition? but so like the idea is: the best man will tell the bride to be all of the groom's faults, in theory so that she could throw him over in the best man's favor. Oh wait i just found my old post on it, let me quote what Ivan told me about: "a Time of Isolation tradition that has almost entirely died out in which a friend of the groom will slander him most vilely--to scare his bride off, or legitimately warn her what she's getting into, or possibly just troll everyone for the lulz, depending on what fairy tales you heard as a child." Aral read Padma's faults for him, because, ridiculous modern fairy tale; Padma attended, though he was not supposed to, so he could add his own commentary on how he was really much worse than Aral was painting him. Ivan drags Ekaterin off to read her Miles's faults, because he's been writing the list since he was sixteen years old and he realized how desperately Miles wanted to find his Lady Vorkosigan, and he WILL NOT BE DENIED THIS OPPORTUNITY

today i started cracking up at the notion of Selda (we named her, whatever) and Ezar's wartime engagement and you know, things are shitty as hell and there's not time for a lot of niceties but in a moment of black humor Selda demands of this camp of ragged soldiers that someone tell her Ezar's faults, and no one really wants to? he's their leader? it feels inappropriate? but eventually Piotr's like HE EATS HIS GROATS WITH BUTTER. SALTED BUTTER. and eventually half the camp chimes in with stuff about that silly or "he put me on latrine duty!" or whatever (eventually Selda cuts them off and says perhaps someone had better tell Ezar HER faults instead. Negri--we made Negri hers before Ezar's, he was her bodyguard and also her messenger when she outmaneuvered Yuri and sent them an invitation to come take the palace--SO much backstory we've decided on for this lady okay--anyway, Negri agrees to read her faults to Ezar but says perhaps they better do it in private. "Oh, are we going to pretend I am unsullied?" asks Selda; "Yes, my lady, I think we should pretend," says Negri.)

so like, pffffff ridiculous fast forward 85 odd years, Duv is comfortable enough about his extended in-laws to go off on historical rants about people they knew, and Aral drops, contextless, into a thesis on Emperor Ezar, that among his many faults, he ate his groats with salted butter

and Duv, taken aback, asks how one is meant to eat groats?

and Aral replies, with maple syrup, as any good Vorkosigan will tell you.

• Dan Brown, The Davinci Code (large print) & Angels and Demons (large print)
  
• Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (large print)
  
• Arthur Conan Doyla, Eight Great Sherlock Holmes Stories (large print)(the stories are: A Scandla in Bohemia, The Red-Headed League, Speckled Band, Engineer's Thumb, Musgrave Ritual, Final Problem, Empty House, Dancing Men) claimed!
  
• Lord of the Rings audiobook on 13 CDs, BBC production claimed
  

If you are in the continental US I will ship any one of these to you at no cost. If you are outside the lower 48 or want more than one, get in touch and I'll figure what I need to ask from you for shipping.

ONE DAY ONLY

x-posted to tumblr