jmtorres: TOS Spock leans face on hand, has mild eyebrow raise. Text: seeking internally consistent logic since 1966 (fanhistory)
So I try, generally, to accept the idea that once I put things on the internet, they are on the internet and free to be made merry with by one and all. Therefore, it is my opinion that you do not REQUIRE my permission to:

--remix my work
--podfic my work
--make vids of my fanfic
--show my vids in a vidshow
--link my work, to anyone you reasonably think would appreciate it
--write fanfic of my fanfic
--draw fanart for my fanfic
--or any other permutation of fannish inspiration you can think of.

But if you want my permission, you have it. Also, if I've managed to lock something you wanted to share, poke me about it, that's generally accidental, I will usually unlock.

I would like to hear about if you are using or remixing or etcing my work! That is pretty exciting for me. Also, I would like to be credited (except on those rare occasions--I can think of two--where I have posted work with the specific request *not* to be associated with it).

See also: my braintwin's thoughts on this matter.

So anyway: you don't have to ask to play in my sandbox, but the answer's always yes.
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
ETA: For more recent work, see [community profile] houseoftorres. For as complete a listing as exists in one place, check AO3.

27 October 2008: Industrial Strength Tranquilizer, Eureka vid to the Austin Lounge Lizards. Wedding present for [personal profile] niqaeli. Premiered at [ profile] vidukon 2008. 24.1MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

18 August 2008: Highway Café of the Damned, Stargate SG-1 vid to the Austin Lounge Lizards. Co-vidded with [personal profile] niqaeli. Premiered at [ profile] vividcon 2008. 24.6MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

13 August 2007: Tokyo Sling: Remix, Weiß Kreuz vid to Smashmouth's Waste for [ profile] keelieinblack and the [ profile] vividcon 2007 Auction. 26.5MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

4 September 2006: Miracle and Wonder, Star Wars original trilogy to Paul Simon's Boy in the Bubble. Blind remaster of baby's first vid. Wedding present for the high school best friend. 27.1MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

16 August 2004: Change, Fight Club to the Getaway People. For [ profile] cadetdru. Premiered at [ profile] vividcon 2004. 30MB avi. There is also Commentary, 22mb mov, as of Nov 07. That appears to be lost to the vagaries of the internet. Link to vid updated 21 March 2019.

16 August 2004: Shot in the Head, Touching Evil (US) to David Bowie's Seven Years in Tibet. Mostly done because the source was damn pretty. Premiered at [ profile] vividcon '04. 13.5MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

27 May 2003: Rain, Farscape to Paul McCartney's Mamunia. A serendipitous shift in the weather. For [personal profile] ysobel. 8.4MB avi.

11 March 2003: American Tune, Andromeda (the downfall of Rhade) to Paul Simon. My least favorite of my own vids, but I know that it works for some people, so. 30.8MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.

17 February 2003: I Want You, Witchblade (Irons's obsession with Pez and the blade) to Elvis Costello. For [ profile] boniblithe. 54.5MB avi because it is an effing six and a half minute vid, but I have to say, this encode gets the luminosity to viewable levels.

15 November 2002: Kryptonite Andromeda (Dylan/Rhade) to Three Doors Down. First vid that saw web (remastered for the bits that weren't out on DVD yet originally). Premiered at [ profile] vividcon '04. 30.5MB avi. Link updated 21 March 2019.
jmtorres: Lennier from Babylon 5 about to do Minbari kung fu. Do not fuck with me.  (angry)
so i'm contemplating working on that magicians vid about how it's like getting punched in the face,,, I need to look through footage and see if there's ever a shot of Kady's fist just coming at the camera
jmtorres: (uncertainty)
so I was binging Magicians just as s4 was starting, and I had the incredible experience of surfing a wave of fannish zeitgeist with the peaches and plums thing. And I'd been working on this vid that encapsulated that experience, and then this last week in Magicians fandom happened seemingly negating the slash pairing everyone was so excited about by putting a het pairing back together. and like, I went welp I'm checking out of Magicians fandom this week I don't even want to hear the wails.

except I didn't? Like I basically went to all the fannish social media I normally do, just prepared to be really detached. and the weirdest thing happened, I didn't see anyone being mad or betrayed or heartbroken about the episode, not in a pure sense. I saw a bunch of people reacting like their feeds were full of that, but all I got was the world-weary "I knew this wasn't going to last, and you should've known too."

(I'm not sure that's true? This show has already done several things with fandom's fave slash pairing that wouldn't have happened on TV ten or twenty years ago? Like, no, I didn't know it wasn't going to last, and I'm not being naive to be hopeful about an astonishing trend continuing.)

anyway I'm,,,, kind of meh about working on the vid now. I am Quentin Coldwater ranting at the plant of Fillory love about how it just isn't enough. Like, I don't want to capture the experience of being swept up in the moment and then let down; but I also feel like the time for the vid just about being swept up in the moment has passed.

anyway, I don't know, maybe something will happen in 4x13 to turn things around; my personal experience of this show has been so foreshortened and immediate that if it takes until next season to fix things I might not be here anymore. But i still have my fingers halfway crossed for another barrage of peaches and plums next week. I don't want to know better.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
it is incredibly difficult to tell the difference between "I'm sick and don't feel like doing anything/should rest until I recover" and "executive function has not switched on for the day"
jmtorres: T'Pol in the white version of the non-uniform, under Vulcan's orange skies (t'pol)
suprisingly myself possibly the most of everyone, I started writing a story about a week and a half ago and like, kept writing on it the next day and the day after that and like, finished it? please congratulate me on my successful brain function


Title: A Mass of Cells
Author: [personal profile] jmtorres
Fandom: Star Trek (like.... which one? i know okay)
Pairing: Amanda Grayson/Sarek
Rating: idk I picked teen on ao3 because like, there's no on page sex but there is dialogue acknowledging the existence of sex, its relation to pregnancy, and certain scandalous things a vulcan and a human can do to each other
Ao3 Link:

Or you can read it below the cut.Read more... )


Mar. 26th, 2019 11:33 am
jmtorres: (uncertainty)
my wrist still hurts, making typing (and command keys) a pain. fortunately it's my offhand so i can still take notes for class without it bothering me (I just don't want to).

I woke up in the middle of the night with a toothache. Only, when I gave up on ignoring it and went to the bathroom to stare in the mirror tapping teeth to figure out which one it was (the one that's getting replaced with an implant? or the one that just got a crown? or a nearby one just ruining everything?) it went away? so i'm thinking it's sinus, because positional changes affecting level of pain. I had it again this morning and it went away again when I got up. I mean yay but also wtf why.

So i have 2 vids in 2 fandoms competing for headspace right now, and I picked one to work on on vacation based on not needing the entire series it was in to do it--it's a Killjoys vid about Pree, and in most of three seasons he's in about 2 scenes per episode, and cutting just his scenes means my source base is small enough to fit on the ipad for an attempt at imovie vidding. I am now up to s4 in vidding and he's in a lot more scenes but like, not doing anything, just providing reaction shots. Which might be useful for my vid, but are a lot more annoying to hunt down. Considering just taking the first three seasons' clips with me and seeing how far I can get on the vid without season four.

anyway, because I've been focusing on clipping Killjoys, I had a brilliant inspiration about the Magicians vid that I am definitely not vidding while away from the desktop. I mean, I wrote it down? It's not like I'm going to lose it in that sense. But the feeling, that's going to go away by the time I come home again, and damn it, I really wanted to ride that feeling to approximately oh look i made 3/4 of a vid I'm almost done. Instead I'm being a responsible graduate student and taking an exam, sigh.


Mar. 23rd, 2019 11:22 am
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
so I had this idea to see if I could vid in imovie on my ipad so I could take it on vacation with me. not even getting into the gesture based interface, I fully expected getting clips in to be the biggest pain in the ass. I was not wrong.

so far:
--my agéd imac, which I am using to prep files, cannot interface with any kind of cloud, operating system and browsers are too old and unupdateable
--so currently my file transfer system is put the files on a USB drive, then plug that into my chromebook because it actually has a USB port, and upload from there to Google Drive
--imovie on ipad WILL import mp4s from Google Drive, successfully tested this with some vid files
--but it does not like the straight episode files. i mean, MKV, okay.
--plan: use quicktime on the old imac to cut clips of episodes, save as .movs
--obstacle 1: season 4 cannot be opened by anything on my imac. I gave it to echan and they were like "well here's your problem" turns out s4 is encoded in a codec from like, last year. agéd imac cannot handle. echan transcoding files for me!
--obstacle 2: quicktime on imac has cried foul on transcoded files (invalid sample description??)
--currently running transcode from VLC to see if that will help???
--obstacle 3: the .movs I saved of clips and laboriously sneakernetted to Google Drive will not open in imovie in the imac
--may have to transcode those after all
--have not conceptually proved I can get clips into imovie on ipad at all
--I should really go do some homework since I didn't get any done yesterday and that burns my spare day and the library closes at 5pm again today. time for wearing pants.


Mar. 9th, 2019 01:46 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
as my break activity between bits of homework, I have been updating the links to all my vids. this is brilliant because: as an activity on its own I would get bored with it and not finish it, but as a break activity, it means I want to go do homework so I can do the break thing. I think I've collected all my finished, posted vids to update, although I had a couple of scares--Bad Kids is not in my extant files, although I discovered that the fact that I uploaded it to youtube means that copy is available to me to download, so I have the good-enough-for-web file even if I don't have an uncompressed version or the final cut timeline.

but i should really get back to this consolidated financial statements lecture
jmtorres: Revolutionary Girl Utena: Utena sandwich with Touga and Saionji for bread. (merry threesome)
so back when I was contemplating the ill-advised threesome without knowledge of later events, episodes, seasons, I was thinking to myself, what if Alice's reaction was different? Could you spin it into poly, like, the show knows the concept? What if it was something like, "You know, my mother thinks I need a whole group of people to really get me. I don't think I'm that complicated, but maybe you are. 'A lot,' was what she said about you. And you are, you're carrying around so much baggage, Quentin, maybe you need more than one person to deal with all of it. So--so, fine. They care about you, you needed them. I can deal with that."

And then the relationship name would have been quaaludes, for quentin/alice and dudes (Margo is totally one of the dudes).
jmtorres: (stand-in)
last night was the first night since the surgery that I adjusted my sleeping position in my actual sleep as opposed to waking up and shifting the pillow; as a result my leg was not elevated the whole night, and actually I slept facedown part of the night which is ?? seems to indicate the surgery is healing well enough it doesn't bother me to have the site be in contact with things, we'll take that as a positive, I guess? beginning to be resigned to the fluid reservoir bulge, which seems pretty constant even with elevating and icing. If it doesn't wreck my patella, I don't care. I wish I could walk for long enough distances to make determinations about how the patella's gonna float, hopeful I'll get permission to go back to normal activity after my post-op appointment tomorrow. I have a scar just above my ankle from an old car accident that's been hurting lately, can't figure out if this is related to the knee surgery or the lack of walking or what.

I want to do some cooking and baking and am trying to decide how much standing in the kitchen I am really up for.

I read a comment about the queer/sexual/romantic identities of Magicians characters wrt to most recent episode )
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I wonder if Fen's dad had tried the high king cutting knife on the girls, would he have gotten a hit on Margo
jmtorres: Revolutionary Girl Utena: Utena sandwich with Touga and Saionji for bread. (merry threesome)
right okay so my plan to eagle eye watch the Magicians threesome somewhat hampered by final cut for some reason truncated the episode. Four platforms later, I watched the threesome, such as it is, frame by frame. I. Honestly. I'm still not impressed. What we have is:

--they're fucked up on emotion magic
--at least two of them (quentin and eliot) are pretty drunk
--margo and quentin are putting eliot to bed because he's stupid drunk
--and he passes out
--so there's a little scene where margo and quentin talk about how they're worried about eliot while lying on the bed clothed next to passed out eliot
--then Margo leans in for a comfort cuddle which quentin provides
--then we cut to the next morning, where quentin wakes up
--this is where final cut punked out like a prude
--and all three of them are naked in bed together, and he remembers little flashes, and if this is not supposed to imply he was blackout drunk then I'm sorry they made poor editing choices
--so the flashes are, in order:
--quentin and margo kissing, both topless
--quentin and eliot kissing, eliot still has his shirt on, for some reason I am wondering if he was too drunk for buttons
--margo and eliot embracing, possibly kissing? while quentin is a strong chest to lean on
--pan down the bed to their naked feet and Alice looking all betrayed

end of episode. Now to watch the next episode and see if the contextualizing dialogue salvages that any, but on the whole, it is still kind of, was anyone actually in their own head enough to meaningfully consent to that, for what portion of it was eliot even conscious, does this actually indicate anything about feelings or were they all just fumbling around on autopilot?? (it would not surprise me that much if eliot has sex autopilot. especially in his current spiral of self-destruction.)

i kind of do, but kind of don't, want a snapshot of fandom's reaction the week between that episode ending and the follow up.

eta: part II, episode 1x12
so we have everyone being awkward, and flashes of:
--quentin and margo going from the comfort cuddle to kissing
--to getting undressed kissing
--the same flash of eliot and margo embracing against quentin's chest
--eliot climbing that chest to kiss quentin. both of them are cupping each other's necks it's kind of sweet
--but seriously eliot was passed out has he even mumbled coherently at this point

in the morning after eliot is self-mocking and quentin is admitting to being "not okay" (alice broke up with him, so) and margo thinks they're both being self-pitying idiots.

so anyway I pretty strongly feel the show did not actually give fandom a gift here.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
so I'm clipping Magicians for this vid I'm making because I want to be more fannish and I'm excited to have a creative idea, even if it is lulzy whatever. I'm currently in the doldrums of season 1 between when the Beast appears (which was the first episode, actually) and when they actually end up in the Library and Fillory and plotty stuff. Seriously there is nothing for my vid in most of early/mid s1. I marked one episode "the one where everyone gets laid, foxes" because it had nothing I wanted to use and I didn't want to come back and think I hadn't clipped it because it wasn't marked. (Then I was like, wait, Quentin and Alice get together in 1x07, pretty sure they break up by the end of the season, they actually had a short relationship for all they keep being heartbroken at each other later on, jeez)

I'm also listening to the audiobook of the first novel, and like people told me Quentin was waaaaay into Eliot in the books but I honestly was surprised a bit. So in what I've listened to so far, Quentin bonded with Eliot during the two weeks before the semester started when they were the only people on campus because Eliot doesn't like to go home to his family and Quentin asked not to after his exam because he was afraid the bubble was going to burst. Then eveyrone comes back on campus and Eliot starts hanging out with his sophomore friends again and leaves Quentin behind and Quentin was all sad.

Then Quentin accidentally (well for the first little bit it's an accident) spies on Eliot blowing a dude and is shocked! aghast! hurt! --that Eliot didn't tell him he was gay, and that Eliot didn't want to fuck Quentin. I am so um what at Quentin. Like, in the first place, maybe I had the advantage of already knowing Eliot was gay because I'd seen the show, but I could have sworn Eliot did tell him?? I thought about it and it was just, Eliot was extremely flamboyant at him, and told him his family thought he was at a school for computer geeeks and homosexuals, which to my ear was obviously a soft coming out to test the waters with Quentin, and Quentin failed to give the proper response, not through bigotry but through obliviousness.

But also, why didn't Eliot do stuff with him? Oh Quentin. *facepalm* Sadly what I've heard is that Quentin is super hung up on Eliot not that they ever actually get together in the books, so I expect this to be a long road of suffering. No wonder fandom likes this. It's pining while oblivious.

It seems like the pining goes in the other direction in the show. There's no particular evidence I've seen that Quentin is into Eliot, though he's not blind to gayness, he's just off being super into Alice and magic. Meanwhile in the first episode apparently Eliot was talking Quentin up to Margo because when she meets him she's like "he doesn't seem THAT special," and just now in 1x08 there was an exchange between Eliot and his (tragically externally magically manipulated) boyfriend about how Quentin is cute, but Eliot called dibs. I mean I know there's the threesome coming up somewhere, I remember being like "I can't decide if this show gave slashers a gift or not" about it, but the first time I watched it I didn't actually get... any particular attraction from Quentin's end? He seemed very blank slate, stuff happened but without his agency. Maybe that was an artifact of how the threesome was presented, where instead of seeing it happen we just see him waking up afterwards all confuzzled, like he was blackout drunk in the fake, cute TV way. I'll definitely be watching that episode closely when I clip it (probably later today?). But I do wonder how much of fandom's read that Quentin is super into Eliot is crossover from the boooks.

also worth noting: I'm kind of surprised no one warned me that if there is a cute fluffy animal, this show will DEFINITELY kill it bloodily.
jmtorres: The arch-elf from the movie Santa Clause, with pita. (food)
I have a temporary filling waiting for a partial crown for 2 weeks, it feels like a gob of putty stuck to my teeth I hate it. Awesome.

experiments with the ice cream maker so far:

1. coconut caramel with praline pecans. 1 cup milk, 1 cup cream, 1 can of coconut sweetened condensed milk caramelized by boiling for 4 hours, one 5oz package of candied pecans. Came out sweeter than I expected, also I was hoping for a caramel swirl and to do that you really have to put it in at the last 5 seconds, not the last 5 minutes, as the manual recommends for add-ins.

2. cherry garcia sherbet--1 lb package of frozen cherries, food processored with 1/3 cup of dark chocolate chips, 1 cup cream. so the instructions are like "chill your ingredients before putting in the ice cream maker. no, colder than that. no, colder than that. COLDER." so anyway I was like "what if I just use frozen cherries is that cold enough?" it turns out it's too cold actually, the ice cream maker couldn't make the mixture like actually mix and take in air for fluffiness, it was just a huge hard lump pretty much. A tasty lump at least. Chopped dark choc chips a fave now.

3. Raspberry cheesecake ice cream--12 oz package of frozen raspberries food processored with 1/3 cup dark choc chips, 8 oz package of neufchatel, 1 pint half-and-half, 2/3 cup sugar. Too much volume for the ice cream maker, fluffed over the edge. Tasty though. commercial ice cream clearly uses significantly less fruit in their fruit flavored ice cream. the neufchatel did not fully blend with the half-and-half but I think that will work for getting chunks of more cheesecaky through the ice cream. Lots of raspberry seeds.
jmtorres: Text is "It's death for me to be caught with marbles in my possession" quote from Vorkosigan. Image of marble. (marbles)
I got sucked into this game [personal profile] echan told me about, Terragenesis, that has you terraform the planets in our system based on NASA data. So I far I did the Moon on Beginner mode (I achieved Paradise levels, but, Beginner mode), Mercury on Medium mode, and now I'm doing Mars on Expert Mode with Biospheres.

random thoughts:

Biosphere mode has you genetically engineering life forms to suit them to however you've fucked up the environmental levels. [personal profile] brokenallbroken asked about gravity adaptations, and huh, that's one factor that doesn't show up in environmentals at all even though it should be different on each of the different planets and they're plenty detailed for most things. Maybe because a) you can't change it and b) we don't know enough about how it will affect life forms, like, developmentally?

The whole genetic engineering thing makes the Jurassic Park gag that turns up as one of the colony culture flavor texts make more sense. I was amused by it when I was playing in easy mode, but now I'm like ahahahaha right we're playing with fire.

Speaking of playing with fire, pretty much as soon as my environment could support carnivores I made dragons (reptiles + large + flying + i fucked up the O2 environmental adaptation). [personal profile] echan side-eyed me about it. Well, my terrestrial food chain got too top-heavy and I (am going to assume evacuated rather than killed) my entire colonial population when the plant life fell below support level, so I killed off all but one of my terrestrial carnivores and about half my herbivores to correct. No more land dragons--the carnivore I kept was a domesticated mammal that I have been thinking of as cats. (The sea still has dragons. Also sharks.) All my plants are listed at "rampant" or "overpopulated" and I refuse to assume this means they can support more animals, I am just going to leave the jungles growing out of control rather than risk environmental collapse again.

My policy has been, once I get the environmental levels in range, to turn off as much technology as possible and stop dicking with them. This is why no part of my colonial population had hab domes to retreat to when I fucked up the plant life the other day. This also means that generally the only thing I've left on is children's creches (they don't have environmental effects, only human population ones), and that when the colonial culture/sociopolitical flavor texts come up, well--

the terrorists trying to prevent Martian independence are generally blowing up children's creches.

and like partly my policy about turning all the technology off is BECAUSE terrorists blew up something I was controlling air pressure with on the Moon and I came back to ZERO ATMOSPHERE, so what I've done is limit what they can blow up to things that won't screw up the enviroment and kill everyone--but could the one-line villains have SOME modifier of shame about the optics of blowing up children?

I wish there were acknowledgements of population and culture in the mining outposts, because those miners are definitely doing stuff. I get updates about them occasionally--they've struck paydirt, or they upgraded the mine status to be more efficient. They seem like an ebullient bunch. And I wish I could convert the mining outposts to cities directly, instead of my current method, which is, when I no longer need the mining revenue because the cities are economically viable, demolish the mines and establish a city in the same place with the same name. They'll start from zero on culture which is so unfair.

another random gripe: why are there so many anti-vaxxers in space???? If you don't trust science and technology why did you move to another planet???? because it seems like I'm always having to counter anti-intellectual campaigns.

it's funny that the elevation of cities is set at a single point rather than over their spread. I've had a couple of Venices that were clearly slipping into the ocean, but the game didn't warn me about drowning at all because the elevation was set on the peak in the center.
jmtorres: (despair)
I modded my IKEA desk with a keyboard tray, and it was a delicate thing. like, the weight of a keyboard was fine on it but I needed the movers not like, try to lift the desk by the tray? and they did. and they popped out the hardware.

the desk is like, hollow core particle board. I used a--I can't figure out what the name was, but it was like a washer with teeth? So it sat into the top of the desk and distributed the pull of the long screw coming through from the keyboard tray. so that got yanked through the top of the desk so I have a like, 3/4 inch wide hole in the top of the desk looking down into the hollow interior.

i don't want to spend money on a new desk; I just moved, and spent SO much money doing that. and I might have to replace my desktop computer soon. anyway I know this desk is a piece of glorified cardboard coming apart at the seams, but I still want to figure out if I could FIX it.

does anyone have any recommendations for some substance I could fill the hole with, that would grip the screw well enough to carry the keyboard tray? my brain has come up with putty, epoxy, and caulk, and I have very little idea what the properties of any of those are or how they overlap. but i'm hitting a hardware store later for nails and dowels for some other shelving the movers effed up so, I guess I can look at options?
jmtorres: Kermit and Miss Piggy's leg re-enact famous shot from film The Graduate. Text: crack-headed crossover. (crossover)
[personal profile] echan has been rewatching Blacklist, and we're in the middle of parts with a great deal of who the fuck is biologically related to whom and DOES IT EVEN MATTER. (that's very specific and all, I know.)

and something about how Red told Alexander Kirk that Liz grew up in his house, sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn't, etc etc, made me wonder if the thing with Red and Mama Rostova and Alexander Kirk was something like Alchemy and Other Lies, and then I went down the rabbit hole of

Blacklist, with Alicia Hughes as Liz Keen; Roy Mustang, a disgraced figure who's been in hiding since assassinating the monarch comes out of the woodwork to be a creepy mentor at Alicia when she grows up to take the State Alchemy Exam. Disclaims being her father, and then out of completely different woodwork comes a homunculus in the form of Maes Hughes. He needs her blood to alchemically sustain him! Except it turns out she's not actually his daughter so her blood won't work! Shock! How can it be true!

Then I started contemplating Liz's husband Tom Keen, and who would fit into the role of as a child, kidnapped and molded into a criminal-soldier, worked for Roy, who secretly planted him on Alicia to keep her safe--and I'm like oh god, it's practically one of Elrics. Right down to more parent shenanigans, surprise Mom isn't dead she's an evil vampire mercenary.

and i'm just
dying so so much
i can't even, I'm not even sure WHICH Elric brother you could force into the mold personality-wise,

meanwhile I'm also imagining Riza Hawkeye as the influential woman high in secret operations who has, of course, had backroom dealings with Roy Mustang, but doesn't admit to knowing him. Not since he became a traitor, of course. I mean, Roy also needs a Mr. Kaplan, but *hands*

also [personal profile] echan brought my attention to a minor character, a dude named Baz who Reddington installs in the apartment next to Liz's to be her bodyguard, played by an actor with the unlikely name of Bazzel Baz. My gut feeling here is Armstrong *sparkle*
jmtorres: (time travel)
[personal profile] echan and I are watching Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles and I was pondering what makes John Connor so important (because as a teenager he is himself starting to ask what the fuck does he do in the future that's so important) and I had the thought, what if because of the absurd circumstances of his origin, he can hold multiple timelines in his head, and that's what's so important, future!John and Skynet are locked in this chess match of strategic time travel moves.

The show is getting pretty heavily into "you're not the person I knew, you're not from the future I was from," alternate timelines stuff, and both sides keep sending people back trying to change things. I was reminded of Miles Vorkosigan learning about the Xanatos gambit from Cavilo in Vor Game; "not a path to victory but all paths," and like what if that was how time travel warfare worked, you had to fight it out until all possible timelines were satisfactory to whoever survived or they'd send someone back in time and fuck shit up some more--which COULD mean fighting to the complete annihilation of one side, ala Skynet's opening move of "I will kill your mother before you were even born!!!", but the more complex the temporal interferences get, the more it has to mean, both/all sides in this war come to agreement/equilibrium, such that they can all choose not to send someone back to fuck shit up some more. It also seems like some sort of compromise is very much what future!John is trying to do with Cameron and other metal.

And there's one bit we just watched that it makes super interesting for me--when John is confronting Jessie about her plot to get Cameron to kill and/or frame Cameron for killing Riley, to make John stop trusting her (Cameron), Jessie asks, would it have worked? If she'd killed her, or if I'd made you think I had, would you have stopped trusting her? and John says, No. And I'm just pondering, why did she ask that, what if that the what if was the most important thing, like, how many possible outcomes of this play are there? And can John really know that, what he would have done? or, could an ordinary person not be able to know that, but John the-time-travel-predestination-paradox-loop Connor could, and that's his important power, the power to see possible timelines and also make decisions across timelines, delimiting what the possible outcomes are? (And maybe Skynet can do that just because it can crunch data like no one's business and just, like, predict the possible forks in a way that it's probably maddening to them that there's even one human who can accomplish similar intuitively?)

I mean, as far as I recall the show never really gives us future!John because that would be,,,, ehhh? for the kind of storytelling they were trying to do? but i like time travel stories a LOT and I am liking the idea that time travel turns conflict into this all-or-nothing propostion.
jmtorres: (obligatory atlantis penguin icon)
so my notice that I got off the vividcon waiting list landed in spam (thanks, gmail) and I'd made some other plans in August, so I decided to do streaming membership and watch vids from home. But I checked with reg about whether it was okay to hold a viewing party and stream stuff from a group of people, and they said yes, so, I am thinking about having a viewing party for Vividcon vids on either the evening of Saturday, August 11 or the afternoon/evening of Sunday, August 12 and I wanted to see how many people would be interested in coming and which day would be better.


What: A vid-watching party where we watch Vividcon premieres (they show at the con on Friday Aug 10, but I still think of them as a Saturday night thing!) and possibly other shows if there's time (there's like 3-4 hours of premieres it sounds like?) Our entertainment system uses a projector, the vids will be HUUUUUGE! nearly as big as if you went to vividcon in person
When: Either Saturday August 11, or Sunday August 12, tell me your preference
Where: My apartment in downtown Los Angeles (if you take the metro, we are very near 7th St/Metro Center station; if you drive, our building has $7 valet parking, which in Los Angeles is kind of a deal >_>)
Who: Me ([personal profile] jmtorres) and my brother (nuevejem) will be hosting. If you were at Vividcon in 2016 you might have met him; he's white, tall, beardy, bespectacled, and generally quiet, and one of the days he's gonna make some Stargate Atlantis vids. I don't know how many people to expect beyond us, please comment if you're interested!
Food: I'm thinking snackfood potluck + pizza?
Other notes: this is a cat household, heads up if you have allergies.

*p wtf

Mar. 6th, 2018 09:08 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
im on continuous bc i haven't had a period in ages, so of course I get one the day I am getting on a bus for like a 7 hour trip.

at least it is JUST slow bleeding, not heavy or cramps or hating the world
jmtorres: Lennier from Babylon 5 about to do Minbari kung fu. Do not fuck with me.  (angry)
Last week was super busy for me, and I am too tired to talk about most of it, but I wanted to write up my experience with a particular scam type as informational for other people. One of the things on which I spent time and energy I didn't have to spare last week was a job interview that turned out to be fake.

Honestly it just pisses me the fuck off, I am an unemployed person desperately putting out my resume to dozens of linkedin and indeed listings, I don't have income because I am unemployed, but someone is going to hijack my efforts and try to squeeze money out of me somehow??

I've seen a couple of these before, and even when I didn't actually bite as far as interviewing, the effort I put into proving to myself it was a scam and not a legitimate job offer was so exhausting.

The scam goes something like this: You apply to a job listing. You receive a reply that the job has already been filled, but your resume was so impressive this person wants to hire you as a personal assistant. They're traveling out of the country and need immediately to hire someone to do some purchasing for them. They'll send you the money! You don't have to spend your own money!

I always assumed step 2 if you bite that far is they would ask for your bank account number to "send you money" or set up direct deposit or something, and then empty your account instead. But I heard from a banker this week, and apparently how the scam works is they send you a check/cashier's check for a greater amount than whatever they're asking you to buy for this fake job, and then they ask you to send the rest of the money back to them. This is some kind of money laundering scheme. My mother assumed the check would bounce after you'd sent them back money from the check written in bad faith, so that you would actually be directly robbed; I don't completely rule that out even though my reaction was "that shouldn't be possible with a cashier's check" because scams exist where scammers figure out how to exploit loopholes, right? But frankly as a money laundering thing, it doesn't even matter if the check is bad. They could send you real, dirty money, and if you send some back to them, it's clean, so they get what they want even without getting the full amount back.

If you happen to be running across this advice after having gotten in deep enough that the scammers have already sent you a check, or if you decide you want to make them pay rather than just avoid this mess, what you should do is take the check to the fraud department at your bank. They'll work on tracing it back and catching the scammers.

If you just want to avoid wasting time and energy on scams, the red flags I observed include:
  • The big one, the thing their scheme hinges on: they want you to buy equipment for the job, and they will send you a check to do so.

  • Typos and poor grammar. Like, yeah, sometimes real people make mistakes or write colloquially, but generally when they're writing emails in a professional setting to potential employees, they make an effort to clean it up. Scammers, for whatever reason, don't bother as much, and their bad grammar doesn't sound colloquial, just wrong. Verb tenses, plural/singular mix-ups, that kind of thing.

  • Form email without all the blanks filled in, such as, not using your name in the greeting or signing the email with a job title but not the individual's name. Especially if it also has typos and weird grammar.

  • The pay they're offering is too good to be true. One email offered me $1000 per week, another said $25/hr. I know there are fields where that's not absurd but I'm applying to super basic clerical, receptionist, administrative assistant type jobs, no one's going to pay that much. The most frustrating thing about this is, when the pay is that good, I feel like I have to put more effort into proving it's a scam, because what if I was wrong, what an incredible opportunity would I be ignoring? But if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

  • They want to hire you immediately, sight unseen. Both the immediately and the without talking to you are red flags. If it's a company of any size at all, HR will take at least a week to process you through, and there will be paperwork for you to sign. And companies offering legit jobs do not hire you without talking to you at all. Think about it--why would they pull your resume out of the stack and say "this one" when they probably have dozens if not hundreds of resumes? Scammers, on the other hand, will contact anyone whose resume they receive, tell everyone their resume is so great they want to hire them on the spot, and then run the whole money laundering crap on however many people they can get to bite.

  • The one I encountered last week wanted to do an interview in Google Hangouts. The email said it would be a Google Video Call, which sounded potentially legit to me, but the video call never manifested, we just did it all by chat, which..... no. (Also apparently real jobs wouldn't use Google Video Calls even, maybe Skype or Facetime, but not Google Video Calls.) The interview was followed by a request for me to wait for 10 minutes while she (I say she because the name she gave me was Mary, but I don't really know) consulted with the head of her department; after that 10 minute period she offered me the job, and wanted to schedule me to talk to a training supervisor at 8am the next day. Too fast, huge red flag, legit companies don't put people into training until their hire paperwork goes through.

  • The first couple of these I ran into, their web presence was inadequate. Their websites were super simple, one still had example text from a template. [personal profile] enemyofperfect was helping me investigate and image-googled an employee picture on one of these websites, and discovered the picture was of a guy from Zimbabwe who ran a South African communications conglomerate, not the founder of a construction company in California. When I googled street addresses, they usually didn't exist or were something else, a residence rather than a business for example. Apparently scammers are getting smarter and instead of inventing false businesses, they're just flying false flags. The last one told me they were Broadcom, a company real enough to have been in recent news for potential anti-trust violations. They gave me Broadcom's real website and real street address. But the person who wanted to interview me only gave me a google email address to contact her for the interview, and the original email's domain was for a small print shop with a really super basic website (....uh-huh), and no affiliation with Broadcom. The switch on what company was offering me a job was a red flag in and of itself, and it was an additional red flag that the person did not use an email address associated with the company that verifiably existed, that they supposedly represented.

Hoping by writing this all out I can save fellow job-seekers some trouble, and help myself formulate a checklist I can use to nope out of this shit without expending too much effort on it.
jmtorres: (uncertainty)
clicked on a show called Wayward Pines on Hulu, m night shyamalan's name came up in the credits so i googled it to figure out how much of a chance I wanted to give it. premise: govt agent wakes up after a car accident in a town in the middle of nowhere, can't manage contact with the outside world, people behave very fishily, what is even up. apparently according to wiki when shyamalan signed his only condition was that they weren't all dead. like. m night shyamalan was like "don't make it a stupid twist" I don't even know what to think about that.

so one episode in we have: every character is potentially an unreliable narrator (constantly contradict each other and also multiple characters openly say "they're watching", "they're trying to break your mind", etc) including the protagonist (flashbacks about talking to a psych about how he's totally past the hallucinations)(but i am sort of throwing out "he dreamed it all" for the same reason "they're all dead" is out, it's a stupid twist), there may be something strange with time depending on how unreliable various characters are (one claims to have been here 1 year since 1999, in protagonist's 2014; another says she has been there 12 years, where the protagonist saw her in the outside world 5 weeks prior, but also there's shit like rotary phones bc why not), protagonist's boss may have signed him up for whatever the fuck this is (shown asking to call it off if not too late, of a creepy doctor seen in a hospital on the inside; this isn't protagonist POV scene, he's not present, so either we take it as true within the story or start assuming that the camera is lying to us too??), and there's a giant electrified fence between wayward pines and the rest of the world.

so far one of my biggest questions is logistical. If wayward pines is held completely self-contained inside the big fence wall (aside from occasional new inmates), is all food grown/herded locally? like that's less insane in bumfuck idaho than some places, but in general most places in the US at this point in time rely pretty heavily on trade with other places, on different foods being shipped in from wherever the fuck they're cheapest grown, on technology constructed on other continents. Gasoline, gasoline gets trucked into places and most cars don't run without it. Most fabric comes from textile industry, like even if there's people sewing their own clothes from McCall patterns all over creepy town, is there a textile mill or where the fuck are they getting the fabric?

basically how do you both cut off a place from outside trade and maintain any illusion that it's just like anywhere else, your calls are just going to voicemail how weird? is the answer regular supply drops? i kind of want regular supply drops. fresh fruit and the latest items out of the JC Penney's catalog drop out of the sky on main street every week.

the other thing I'm wondering about is protagonist's boss. see, protagonist was sent with another agent to creepy town, and in the inciting car accident, other agent died. this information is given in both creepy town and the real world scenes, so I'm tending to accept that there really was a dude who died. Did boss mean for other agent to die, or was he trying to send them both to creepy town, or is there some other elaborate explanation?

basically i'm prepared to be like 90% disappointed by whatever the hell the show is going to claim is going on, like way too much is going to be waved away by whatever conspiracy is central and some of the weirder things never acknowledged, I'm pretty sure. but it's a short series i'll probably watch it all in the next two days.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
it will probably not surprise anyone who knows me well to hear i have had another root canal
jmtorres: (hide)
ok i have 2 job interviews tomorrow and another on Monday. fffffff. I need to dye my streaks in tonight. I need to print off a few more copies of my resume to take with me. i need to take a chill pill--both now AND tomorrow I think. I have selected clothing and laid it out. I should spend some time reviewing the wanted ads.

what else

take a nap maybe omg

so, bras

Sep. 14th, 2017 02:44 pm
jmtorres: Mom cups daughter's boobs in bra shop.  Text: MOTHER! (girlie things)
In recent months I have gone from being able to wear underwire bras for a few hours to rarely being able to wear underwire bras at all. I have many lovely colorful underwire bras that have not seen much wear, and I am hoping some of you might be interested in buying some of them, as I am broke and still looking for a job.

Sized 42G/44F, exciting teals and magentas and also some standard beiges and blacks, all with underwire of course, some padded, some unlined/mesh.

I am requesting $17 for one bra, $12 each for any subsequent bras, no shipping charge in the US lower 48 (I can look into shipping costs elsewhere if desired). These were all around $50 when brand new, so this is a steal!

Images below the cut. Bras! Bras! Bras! )
jmtorres: The arch-elf from the movie Santa Clause, with pita. (food)
I very rarely if ever have the patience to make my own pie crusts, but I also usually dislike storebought ones (pilsbury, usually is what i can find) to the extent of why did I even bother to give this thing a crust?

but I have discovered that I actually like trader joe's house brand pre-made frozen pie crusts. The main flavor difference is that down in the bottom of of the ingredients, just before salt, is sugar. strangely, I suppose, I think a sweet pie should have an at least moderately sweet crust? texturally and/or digestively, when reading ingredients to figure out what the difference, it turns out pilsbury uses xanthan gum. so much for them.
jmtorres: (physics)
This was in Club Vivid, and it is very silly.

vid: UFO
vidder: [personal profile] jmtorres
fandom: Home, AKA The True Meaning of Smek Day, the Movie
song: UFO Has Landed In the Ghetto by Ry Cooder
format: mp4, 39MB
runtime: 2:32
link: (link updated 9 March 2019)
warnings: I can't think of any, there's a couple of explosions but it's an animated kids movie, they're not exactly graphic.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I've been listening to an audiobook of Audre Lorde's Sister Outsider, and having a lot of feelings about a lot of things. a white person's thoughts on anti-black racism in America )
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
today I am crying over the lives of fictional characters

4/26, 5/19, 6/14, pretty sure this is period; except I'm a few days ahead of the placebo days. If I'm counting this right my body is doing something like a 25 day cycle, which is not that weird, just also not what one expects hormone pills to enforce? And also why I'm offset from the placebos.

I mean let us not forget that every kind of stress has rained down upon my head the last two months, and that will fuck with periods too, but GDI.

Eta: also I would like to note that it is a million times less stressful to be crying about fictional characters than about your cat's health or a sudden inspection for a move. Hooray for fictional characters.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Last call for cheap books, kind of an eclectic lot, Shakespeare and Beatles and random SFF anthologies. Most of these are pretty well used, cover wear, etc. Let me know your zip code and I'll calculate media rate shipping from that and book weight.

Let me know before Friday night if you want any of these, because on Saturday they're going to Good Will.

For the Shakespeare, I am including publisher/edition for those who care; most of them are perfectly readable modern editions but I feel I should note that the "new hudson" editions were printed circa 1910 and while they have the same kinds of notes I tend to expect, they are visibly old. Merrills is 1910 as well, and Arden is good gracious, 1898.

Hardcover - $2
Skywalking: the life and films of George Lucas by Dale Pollock (1983, so no current or prequels)
Aliens from Analog (anthology, contents)
Reel Future (anthology, contents)
Pendragon Chronicles (anthology, contents)
Hal Leonard Guitar Method, books 1-3 (this is actually comb bound not hardcover, but it also includes CDs, so I'm tossing it in this list for pricing.)
America, the book, from the Daily Show with Jon Stewart
I Me Mine by George Harrison
Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now by Barry Miles
Blackbird: The Life and Times of Paul McCartney by Geoffrey Giuliano
McCartney: The Definitive Biography by Chris Salewicz
The Baby Train and Other Lusty Urban Legends by Jan Harold Brunvand

Trade Paperback (or larger) - $1.50
Save the cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting you'll ever need by Blake Snyder
How to Write for Television by Madeline DiMaggio
Writing Scripts Hollywood Will Love by Katherine Atwell Herbert
Science Fiction: a historical anthology (contents)
Henry the Fourth, Part I, Shakespeare, Norton
King Lear, Shakespeare, Kittredge
Hamlet, Shakespeare, St Martin's Case Studies in Contemporary Criticism
Classical Mythology by Mark Morford and Robert Lenardon
Completely MAD: A History of the Comic Book and Magazine
MAD about the Eighties: the best of the decade
MAD about the Seventies: the best of the decade
MAD about the Sixties: the best of the decade
MAD about the Movies
The Birth of the Beatles by Sam Leach
Brothel: Mustang Ranch and its Women by Alexa Albert
Dante, the Divine Comedy, Inferno, Italian, English translation by John Sinclair
Star Trek: Q's Guide to the Continuum
Cowboy Slang by Edgar R. "Frosty" Potter
All I really need to know I learned from watching Star Trek by Dave marinaccio
Quotable Star Trek by Jill Sherwin

Paperbacks - $1
Teach Yourself Film Studies by Warren Buckland
Twelfth Night, Shakespeare, signet
Othello, Shakespeare, folger
Tempest, Shakespeare, new hudson
Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare, folger
Anthony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare, Kittredge
As You Like It, Shakespeare, new hudson
Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare, Arden
Julius Caesar, Shakespeare, Merrill's
Macbeth, Shakespeare, folger
Midsummer night's dream, Shakespeare, folger
Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare, folger
Taming of the Shrew, Shakespeare, bantam
Titus Andronicus, Shakespeare, signet
Second Shepherd's play
The Fantastic Adventures of Robin Hood (anthology, contents)
Isaac Asimov's Magical Worlds of Fantasy: Curses (anthology, contents)
Isaac Asimov's Magical Worlds of Fantasy: Ghosts (anthology, contents)
50 Short Science Fiction Tales (anthology, and with nothing so tidy as a table of contents, here's the list of reprint permissions)
UFOs: A Manual for the Millennium by Phil Cousineau
Anne Frank's Tales From the Secret Annex
Dutchman and the Slave: Two Plays by LeRoi Jones
House of Desires in a new translation by Catherine Boyle
The Skin of Our Teeth by Thornton Wilder
Our Town by Thornton Wilder
Everyman and Medieval Miracle Plays
Life is a Dream, Calderon
Beowulf, trans Burton Raffel
I Owe Russian $1200 by Bob Hope (resisting urge to make political joke here)
Strange and Amazing Facts About Star Trek by Daniel Cohen
Separated at Birth? (Meme of a bygone era, this is a collection of photographs of celebrities that look like other celebrities)
jmtorres: image of a white ipod with an unbitten apple logo from Diane Duane's Young Wizards novels, text "I want a WizPod" (young wizards)
Continuing to cull my library as I pack and also running in circles screaming because everything, moving stress, and my ongoing lack of job

Anyway, if you want any of these, prices listed + media rate shipping (let me know your zip code and I'll weigh books and tell you how much).

Trade paperbacks and hard backs, $3 ea
Dracula by Bram Stoker + 70 pages of appendices
High Wizardry by Diane Duane

Regular size paperbacks, $2 ea
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
The Magic Christian by Terry Southern
Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
Deep Wizardry by Diane Duane
So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis, box set of paperbacks: $10
(hey, tell you what, if anyone wants all three of the Duane young wizards books, $5 for the set)

Also, stuff still available on my last fannish yard sale entry with lower prices
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (book)
Hey everyone clearing my bookshelves a bit, combination moving in a month and I want to move less, and a few bucks would be nice. I'm in CA, so I will calculate your shipping at media rate from there, and like, I will ship beyond the contiguous 48? But I'm pretty sure it will be exorbitantly expensive, so? Up to you? But yeah, cheap books, a few cheap DVDs, prices listed below, let me know what you want and your zip code so I can let you know how much shipping is. (In a couple of days. After I finish visiting [personal profile] niqaeli.)

Paperbacks: used books, cover wear, etc. $2 each.
Contact by Carl Sagan
The Adventures of the Stainless Steel Rat by Harry Harrison (omnibus, books 1-3)
The Stainless Steel Rat Gets Drafted by Harry Harrison
The Stainless Steel Rat Wants You! by Harry Harrison
A Stainless Steel Rat is Born by Harry Harrison
2010 by Arthur C Clarke
3001 by Arthur C Clarke
The Godfather by Mario Puzo
Children of the Night by Dan Simmons
The Defector by Evelyn Anthony
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire

Manga books: these are in very good condition,
My Cat Loki, volumes 1 and 2, by Bettina Kurkoski $3 for both
Planet Ladder, volumes 1 to 3, by Yuri Narushima $5 for all 3

Trade Paperbacks: good condition, $3
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Neffenegger
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
The Great Book of Amber (omnibus, vols 1-10) by Roger Zelazny

Hardcover: $3 each, only the last one has a dust jacket
Endymion by Dan Simmons
Magic Kingdom for Sale--Sold! by Terry Brooks
Stainless Steel Rat for President by Harry Harrison
Darwin Awards by Wendy Northcutt

DVDs: $7 each
The Illusionist
Martian Child
Hurt Locker
Some Like It Hot

Audiobook on CDs: I dunno, $3?
Behind the Canvas by Alexander Vance

ETA: or like, make me an offer?
ETA: prices lowered 5/17
jmtorres: Daniel from SG1 pours lots of sugar into his coffee. (SG1)
collecting sg vids to show my brother, am hitting some walls with imeem links now all go to myspace and youtube stuff is frequently DMCA'd and megaupload does not exist anymore.

anyway, stuff I totally want to show him and haven't found and would be super grateful if someone knew something I didn't like where the vidder went after abandoning LJ 6 years ago...

Codemonkey (McKay/Zelinka) by [ profile] mousewrites and snarkitty (showed in 2007 vvc as non-premiere)

Teal'c, PI and Boom-de-yada by [ profile] nibikko

Welcome Home by [personal profile] permetaform
jmtorres: Daniel from SG1 pours lots of sugar into his coffee. (SG1)
Hey, do you guys have any fave Stargate vids? SG-1 or Atlantis, not picky. Or even the like, movie.

I'm teaching my brother how to vid, and he wants to make a Stargate vid, and I figured one of the things I should do is introduce him to the extant fannish vidding culture and also it'd be fun just have a vid watching party.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
i am now, occasionally (well on about two occasions in the last week), getting weird headaches, on the top of my head, left side? anyone know what that is? brain parasites? satellite signal-related cancer? --i jest, but i did wonder the other week when I was getting eight million face x-rays in re the umpteenth root canal if, should I outlive everything else that could go wrong with me, I'll die of jaw cancer. I mean, I still jest. But in that laughing in the dark kind of way.

ahahaha so

Apr. 25th, 2017 07:27 pm
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
that thing i said the other day about having overcome my need for soulmate perfect song matches for vids, and being able to cut songs for my vids now?

I am currently gnawing my fingernails over IF I CUT THIS VERSE AM I GUTTING THE SONG? How about the haha no sarcastic stinger after the theoretically serious chorus? Am I destroying the song if I want to end it on "I love you" not "at least I think I do"? Am I doing the song 100% wrong in the first place if I am trying to decide if the girls verse is superfluous to my dudeslash ship?

(/o\ at least it's not two white dudes? only one of them is white? and like. I can think of parallel things I want to do with the ladies in the fandom for the "girls" verse like it's totally possible to read the separation of verses as divided rather than complementary, but like, am I ruining the song by reinterpreting it????)

in other news: juls has still not gotten the memo that vidding is almost always more about the fandom than the song?
jmtorres: Utena and Anthy kissing, Revolutionary Girl Utena. My prince has come. (utena)
I put on a Kills/Dead Weather playlist while I was walking to the store, because I was looking at a recipe and therefore couldn't give my attention to an audiobook. And like. There's like 8 potential vids on this list, in addition to the thing where I used Alison Mosshart as the soundtrack to one particular character in the (mostly) Mission Impossible rock star AU I never got around to writing out. So what I'm saying is this list is fannishly activating for me.

But so I was thinking about all the vid bunnies, the ones probably over now and the ones I might still make, and why, how vidding ideas have their time, to some extent, but also how it's just if one hits me during the 2 weeks my brain is semi-functional.

In this playlist, there's a Captain America vid bunny, that I may never make because a) so so so much extra canon research and b) though it's different, I no longer feel like I need to make this vid because [personal profile] settiai made The War Was In Color. There are vid bunnies for Damages and Blacklist, from an era where I was trying to relate to my family by watching their fave TV. Both those shows were sufficiently exhausting that I don't think I'll be going back to those canons though. There's an Orphan Black vid idea that is so dependent on viewer's canon knowledge (it was supposed to be all the clones having to play each other) that I feel like maybe its time is past, in terms of Orphan Black has--ahahahahaha I thought Orphan Black was over, based on it drifting out of the attention of the part of fandom I read. Maybe that says more about how much I've been keeping up with fandom than anything else. There's a Zombies! Run vid I might still make, even though it has the constructed visual reality problem. There's an Utena vid I definitely want to make if/when I get my hands on the shiny new dvd releases, despite the fact that that show is definitely over, it's been over for years, and I do not participate in any kind of remotely active fandom for it. I just. Still want this vid.

The last several vids I've made I have been RUTHLESS about cutting the songs down. The one I made for CVV that I need to look at beta notes from [personal profile] echan tonight is 2:26, down from a five something minute song. I did that with the Leverage vid I made for challenge last year, and also the Losers vid I made for [personal profile] niqaeli's birthday a couple of years ago. And while I didn't cut down 1985 significantly, I did drop a chorus, which is something I would not have done a decade and a half ago. I used to like firmly believe that if all the parts of the song did not work for your vid it was not the right song, or if it was too long or whatever, like cutting was cheating. This is sort of like believing in a destined one true love or something? Like for every vidder and every show and every idea, there is a single perfect song. A line of the lyrics is tattooed somewhere on your body, and you spend all your time listening to muzak in stores wondering if you'll finally hear the fated tune. I once made a six-plus minute vid to prove that I could. (To myself. I think.) Somewhere along the line it occurred to me to apply the same logic I had to beat into my head about homework: a short thing you finish and turn in is infinite percent better than the perfect idea you never manage to make.
jmtorres: (uncertainty)
So I have a complete draft of a vid for Club Vivid, but it needs polish, and I have not gotten critical feedback! Well, I've gotten detailed feedback from [personal profile] enemyofperfect but they liked everything! I mean that is very encouraging but I feel like I cannot possibly need absolutely no tweaks. (I mean. I should probably put credits on at some point, and there's one frame of digital noise that needs re-render. But like, clip choices and flow and stuff!) I sent my brother a list of questions; I was teaching him how to (how I) vid by having him skype in and watch my work, which is the only reason it is done(ish) this far ahead of the deadline. He was worried about his OCD getting in the way of providing feedback and I was like "here just answer the questions" but I haven't heard from him. I should probably poke him. And [personal profile] niqaeli sent me "eeee adorbs!" from bar, but I don't want to poke her rn because she's finishing her semester and her degree about the same date the vid is due :p I also dropped the vid on an old friend that I'd sort of let the friendship lapse while I fell off the internet for like 3 years and probably "give me feedback!!!" is not the most uh, uh, the um best way to re-initiate contact but apparently I'm still a failboat in her general direction. Facepalm.

Anyway I have this vid that all I've done with it for the past week is watch it and re-watch it and giggle to myself, and I'm like is it done?? Is it not done?? What does it need?? and, hands
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Cheek the size of a baseball, had half a root canal today but the endodontist stopped bc I was flinching even with the anesthesia. Naps are my everything. Was going to post more but too tired.
jmtorres: (House)
So I'm noting for the record that I'm having a bad knee day (it feels weird, more so on steps to the point I'm taking all the sidewalk cutouts at crosswalks) because last month I was like "one day my knee bothers me in six months! Fixed with using a cane for one day! No big deal!" And this makes 2 days in the last six months so...

I mean, I was terribly physically active yesterday there was the moving of many furniture and furniture components. Good news, I lift with my knees, not my back!

Currently treating with ice pack, will be using cane, hopefully this clears up again quickly.
jmtorres: A blueberry muffin on which one could interpret a sadface. (ridiculous)
that might, in some parlance, be called a vid, based on a certain SNL sketch entitled "Haunted Elevator." (right-click to download, thank you kindly) (link updated 9 March 2019)

Happy Halloween!
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I watched Limitless (tv series, and partway through, the movie to which the tv series is sequel--well, it's a sequel to the alternate ending, heh) this past week while recovering from concrud. I figured the wacky partners fight crime! genre was decent for sick brain capacity, and honestly if I hadn't been looking for lighthearted cheese I probably wouldn't have stopped skimming Netflix on a show starring a white dude. I enjoyed it fairly well for the purpose I chose it, but after, I am thinking about the genre, the mismatched partners, one of whom is responsible/uptight, one of whom is wacky and fun! and how often that division lands on a gender lines in a way that it comes out as a professional woman having to add to her job the responsibility of babysitting a misbehaving manchild. In Limitless, definitely; Castle's another example; Chuck (to which Limitless has a lot of parallels: NZT and the Intersect have the same plot function); Psych, in some ways, although it's mitigated by Juliette not being the sole (or arguably even main) straight man to Shawn's comic act (I think Gus is up ahead of her, and Lassiter is definitely in the running for most uptight). I'm tracing this back in my head through to shows I watched growing up and I think even X-Files has a seed of it; Mulder is at least trained law enforcement, not some civilian tagging along for lulz, but arguably Scully was the responsible, sensible one who was supposed to reign in his wild conspiracy theories. Comparable dynamic. I'm skimming through the TV Tropes "they fight crime!" page and oh look, yeah, Sleepy Hollow also qualifies.

So, that's a thing.

Reading stuff lately--from the library, checked out some Nicola Griffith, Ammonite, about a planet cut of from the rest of humanity for a few centuries, and with a plague that kills off dudes. So everyone on the planet is female, it's under quarantine, and our intrepid galactic anthropologist is trying to solve, among other questions, how do make babies? This book was listed among various other important feminist scifi in reviews, and I got to the end of it going "what was so special about that?" then I read the author's notes and she was trying to fight the idea of a feminist utopia by having every kind of person, good and bad, kind and cruel, etc etc, represented but all women. I was like "that's the groundbreaking thing? --that's the groundbreaking thing." and just, facepalm.

Read another Nicola Griffith, Slow River. The most interesting bits of this (also the grossest? maybe?) are the technical exploration of near-future designer microbes to process sewage and industrial waste water. The main character is the youngest child off a family who has gotten very rich off their genetic patents for that technology; she is kidnapped, tortured for the ransom demands, all on mass media, and then after being dumped, the ransom never paid, she tries to completely change her identity to never go back to her family. She falls in with a scurrilous rogue, a thief and sex worker who pretty quickly tips into "consent? what is consent?" with the use of sex pollen drugs. All of the drama about the main character's family (there's sexual abuse, and disgusting capitalist spy games) and all of the, honestly I'd call it whumping, of life in the *gritty underbelly*, was gross and kind of boring? There was one line that stuck out to me, at the end, when the main character has been outed as the rich kidnapping victim and reunited with (the acceptable) parts of her family. She tells her shady ex that there's always a choice, you didn't have to do all those horrible things to everyone we know; and shady ex is like jfc you're going back to your fortune you want to talk to me about CHOICES? some of us DON'T have them. I was thinking about that, and the thing about shady ex was, all of choices were bad, but so were all of her options. Like Ammonite, this book had a ton of F/F relationships with no like, commentary or justification or even discussion of queer identities; it was unremarkable. Unfortunate byproduct of this was that it was also the main character's mother who abused her daughters. I don't, I don't even. Ultimately noped out of the rest of Griffith's stuff. The ratio of interesting to uncomfortable was not working for me.

Audiobooks I've listened to lately--The Curse of Jacob Tracy by Holly Messinger, about a couple of trail guide pardners in Reconstruction era America (so one white, one black, of course) with the complication of one can see ghosts and gets sucked into some spiritualist conspiracy. Liked it, not 100% sure what I thought about the race dynamic, and I don't really feel qualified to judge the subject. White dude was the one who could see supernatural shit, so we avoided magical negro I guess? There were several instances of white dude trying to stand up for his buddy and tell people to fuck off for trying to be racist at black dude, and black dude being like ffs chill I don't want to fight about this stop making my life harder??? so, I don't know, maybe aware of layers? not treating racism as a simple issue?

Updraft, by Fran Wilde, this reminded me of Pern not so much in particulars as in broad strokes. An invisible enemy in the skies, fought by an elite and insular ruling group, who might take common people with ~special talents~ into their number, but would completely divorce them from their previous lives in so doing. Flight, though it's a lot more visceral here, and not made possible by dragons. A lot of it seems pretty unbelievable to me: humans learning to echo-locate, for one. Haven't really decided what I think of this one, or if I'll go for sequels.

Steal Across the Sky, by Nancy Kress, in which an alien race known only as the Atoners recruits (via internet ads) a bunch of people to Witness the crimes they committed against humanity: humans once had a genetic trait which allowed them to see spirits of the dead before they moved on. The Atoners took a whole bunch of humans to experiment with 10K yrs ago, and set up a whole bunch of systems with two habitable planets, where one population got to keep the gene (and generally seemed like... more peaceful? I mean, I guess it's harder to use death as a threat, weapon, motivator, if you know people keep on existing after their bodies stop. But this particular sociological phenomenon is not explored) and the other planet with the other population got no spirit sense and was full of war-making people like Earth. Also the Atoners totally took the spirit sense away from all specimens they left on Earth. Halfway through the book we switch from one team of three Witnesses figuring out what is the difference between the two planets at the system they've been sent to (the Atoners didn't TELL them about the spirit sense gene, they had to figure it out, and some of them were pretty skeptical) to the lives of the Witnesses on Earth after returning, either full of media or attempting to avoid media and live normal lives, however unlikely. There's... we pick up several new Witnesses during this switch, and the time jump disconnect combined with the main character merry-go-round combined with no one knows what the Atoners are actually DOING to Atone, makes things very weird? (It turns out the Atoners have brought pregnant women from some or all of the worlds were the spirit sense gene was still present, to have kids on Earth. But they stop a couple of the Witnesses from trying to bring back a DNA sample to analyze and add back in themselves. Basically they're just still high-handedly doing whatever without asking humanity's permission for anything. I was also left wondering if they planned to Atone to any of the populations they seeded and manipulated for their experiments, a question no one in the book thought to ask.) Sooo. *seesaw hand* Interesting, but kind of a hot mess.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (lady gaga)
I took two vids to Vividcon this year!

1985, right-click and save as. (Link updated 6 March 2019)
fandom: fringe
music: bowling for soup
blurb: the road to hell, paved with, etc.
runtime: 2:49
file size: 46MB mp4
notes: )

The Edge of Glory, right-click and save as. (Link updated 6 March 2019)
fandom: leverage
music: lady gaga
blurb: parker x gravity OTP (but I mean. it's an open relationship.)
runtime: 1:37
file size: 26MB mp4
notes: )
jmtorres: (hide)
so, vividcon. this post is entirely subjective and all about my complicated mental health feelings, not so much about any fannish experience of the con. Will be posting the vids I took to vividcon after I write this, and that will probably be the extent of posting on fannish matters.

About a year ago, [personal profile] niqaeli and I took my brother out to the movies and pitched Vividcon to him. Every time I'm in town we take my brother out to do something even if it's as silly as wander around IKEA for two hours, because he has, since his first attempt to go away to college at 18, been living at home with fairly debilitating OCD. He is now 25. He's lost touch with all but one of his friends, he relies on my parents for a host of super basic things like turning off the water after washing his hands, he has IBS which only makes his unclean feelings worse, and I really feel like getting him out of my parents' house is a service to everyone involved.

Anyway, my pitch about Vividcon was, it's a trip halfway across the country that he'd take with me and not our parents, to do a fun fannish thing I hoped he'd appreciate, and did he think he could work on his OCD crap enough in a year to be able to go and take care of himself in the ways our parents usually take care of him at home. He does this thing, part of his OCD, where he has to come up with the exact right words to articulate himself for fear of misleading you if he gets it wrong. It can take him days to answer a question. I tend to treat this the way I would querying a computer--I try to ask an exact, specific question to elicit a succinct answer. So I asked him, first, did he want to to, and second, did he think he'd be able to. The answers were yes, and since it was a year away, he thought so.

I made various deals with him over the course of the last year--that I was going to work on making a vid, which was going to be my hurdle parallel to his OCD behavioral therapy work. (I made one! Two actually! Proving once again that the only thing that makes me complete vids is deadlines.) That I would FaceTime with him at least once a week to check in. (Sometimes I had a hard time with this, because when I was behind on my goals or having a bad brain day, I didn't want to have to admit that.) I gave him advice from my own experience getting treated for depression--that it's okay to have bad days, but you don't let a bad day become an endless string of bad days, you pick yourself up and start over the next day.

So last week, or, Saturday nearly two weeks ago, I FaceTimed him after having not for about three days. I was in the process of bleaching my hair and dyeing it pink, and I was afraid my mom would give me crap about being interview-ready on the job search, so I wanted to have the whole thing done and a fait accompli. I have the stupidest reasons for failing to call my brother as regularly as I promise. It turned out that basically the entire three days he'd spent ruminating on how he didn't think he was going to be able to go, and Mom told him he should talk to me about it but he didn't call me. Because well. He was even more internally flaily about that than I was about the dye job.

Our travel plans included me driving to Phoenix, where my family lives, the night before we flew to Chicago for Vividcon. I ended up driving out three days early to spend more time with my brother and try to convince him it was TOTALLY POSSIBLE. And meet his therapist in passing. On Tuesday, he decided that he would go ahead and contact that one high school friend he still talks to every few months, who happens to live in Chicago now. I cheered. The next day we went clothes shopping, because Mom wanted him to have new slacks and shorts for the trip. He was incredibly patient about trying on everything she found for him. There are so so many parts of why this was amazing.

So anyway: we did it. We totally got on the plane and flew to Chicago and went to Vividcon.

And I think my brother enjoyed it more than I did.

At one point around April or so I wrote him a long long description of what Vividcon was like, to my recollection. Club Vivid and the Joxer Dance and the anticipation of Premieres and stuff. One of the things I wrote to him was we'd probably go to 2-3 shows/panels per day, no one went to everything (read: I never went to everything). It's funny to me that I remembered that, but not why.

The why is, I find cons exhausting. I took like three naps a day the entire trip and I felt just beat after watching a vid show (of course, stupid, engaging the extreme focus to watch vids for an hour takes a lot more mental energy than watching an episode of a TV show for an hour). Let alone talking to people. Once we were in the consuite for like ten minutes and when [personal profile] niqaeli decided to go do something else I was like TAKE ME WITH YOU EVERYTHING IS TOO LOUD. There were a ton of people that I marginally recognized as "person I have seen at VVC the last time I was here 5 years ago" but my mental connections between faces and usernames are crap and I was never good at talking to people at cons.

PS If you talked to me about my vid and I made weird faces or said something dumb, it's because my brain was going AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW TO FAKE BEING A HUMAN?????? I mean, I also do not know what to say to compliments so assume what I MEANT to say was "Thank you" but oh my god, SO much alien cyborg input error brain.

I ended up hiding in [personal profile] echan's room watching Olympics during Club Vivid to distract myself from feeling that there were too many people, and too much noise, and I stressed myself out about plane tickets, and also everyone else was enjoying booze while I was not because meds and it's not that I don't want anyone to be drunk around me? It's more, I don't know, I felt like I'd left myself out of everything on that score. Or something.

It was so frustrating, that like. By almost any metric I would have thought of beforehand, this was a very successful Vividcon for me. I made vids, and people liked them. I saw other people's vids, and they were awesome. I did my hair and made a costume for Club Vivid and it was adorable and lit up. I got my brother to go on a four-day trip without my parents and his OCD did not prevent him from participating in the con or meeting up with his friend or even getting out of the hotel room by checkout time. There was no wankfest that blew up in anyone's face.

But my stress-activated GERD had me burping all through Vid Review and during the back half of Club Vivid I was watching Michael Phelps get a medal and having a bit of a cry.

This was the first time I've been to a con since getting medicated for the depression, so probably five years ago I put all the same kinds of reactions down to my brain is borked. But now a year and change into pharmaceutical unborking, I am still having these fundamental problems. The introvert problems. The, too loud, too many people, being around this many people exhausts me and maybe even frightens me, at least in the social awkwardness sense. The, everyone is having fun except me.

So I think I probably won't be going to Vividcon again. Or any con.

Which really sucks because where will I get deadlines to goad me into finishing vids now.
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (book)
a small selection of books to sell, stuff that I have duplicates of or used for a class or something. Leave me your zip code with your request and I'll check book rate postage. (if you are a person I see in meatspace, postage does not apply)

paperbacks/small books ($3 ea)
Z by Yasuko Aoike, a manga about a side character from "From Eroica With Love," in Japanese.
Warrior's Apprentice by Lois McMaster Bujold
Jhereg by Steven Brust
Teckla by Steven Brust
Yendi by Steven Brust
Taltos by Steven Brust
A War of Gifts by Orson Scott Card

trade paperback/anthologies ($5 ea) (rather than try to tell you what all stories are in these anthologies, I'll provide ISBNs you can plug into google)
A New Omnibus of Crime, 9780195370713
The Best American Mystery Stories of the Century, 9780618012718
The Longman Anthology of Detective Fiction, 9780321195012
Murderous Schemes, 9780195104875
The Killing Spirit, 0879518456
Detective Stories, 9780307272713
Tiassa by Steven Brust

shiny new hardbacks ($7 ea)
Cryoburn by Lois McMaster Bujold (still contains CD)
Jhegaala by Steven Brust

I'm willing to be talked into a bulk discount if you to take like half of them off my hands at once.

Comments are screened on this entry so you can tell me things like your address or your email in relative privacy.
jmtorres: (uncertainty)
so the vid I turned in for vvc premieres (I'm going to vvc this year, shockingly!) and it's a Fringe vid (I recall there is a culture of anticipatory secrecy around Premieres, but I forget how much of it was my own habit of making vids that I wanted to surprise people with. anyway, not saying anything more about the vid than the fandom) so I've been rewatching bits of Fringe the last few weeks trying to pull it together, and I'm sort of contemplating a full rewatch for purposes of it turns out I ship Walter/September sort of a lot, and kind of want to write fic about them, but I'm afraid if I do that I'll end up finding the PERFECT SHOT for that one line in the vid I already turned in, it's done gdi.

The main thing that struck me about Walter and September is I was trying to put together a mental map of the time jump between seasons 4 and 5. Because there's like 5 years between the end of season 4 and the Observer Invasion (the time in which Olivia and Peter have a kid, maybe even get married I honestly forget), and then there's like a twenty year gap of they got ambered and didn't get pulled out until the occupation had been ongoing for a while, which allows them some brief anonymity in fighting the Observers bc the Observers have assumed they were dead.

During the 5 yr gap, Walter and September were working on a plan to stop the invasion, apparently without Peter or Olivia or Astrid's knowledge. Walter's brains are scrambled to prevent the Observers from getting the plan out of him with telepathy, but no one else on the main Fringe team has any idea what the plan was. They have to follow tapes they dig out of the amber in Walter's lab to collect all the plot coupons--one of which is actually September. Because they figured out early on Walter was working with someone named Donald on this ~secret plan~, but no one, not even brain-scrambled Walter, knew who Donald was or how to find him, until it turned out that Donald was September, but with hair.

So my question was--how did Walter, who (to his own chagrin) requires pretty much constant babysitting, commonly coordinated between Peter and Astrid, manage to not only travel to work on a plan he was keeping secret from them, but avoid ever introducing anyone to his co-conspirator?

One of the things I want to rewatch for is to figure out how many of them have actually met September face to face. Peter had a brief interaction with him in 104 that went rapidly to an "Apples, bananas, rhinoceros" place because the Observer plan for avoiding action is apparently use their telepathy and unusual relationship with time to mirror at people. He then shoots Peter with a futuristic stun gun and makes his escape. There's also, September bleeding out foretold Olivia needing to die to prevent Bell from collapsing the universes at the end of season 4. Also Olivia studied September's face pretty thoroughly when she was trying to figure out why he was stalking her crime scenes. I'm less sure of Astrid, but in general I think this means September would have had to keep out of everyone but Walter's sight to maintain secrecy. I can imagine he would want to, like, the Observers ID'd Peter and Olivia as important, he should never be anywhere near them to avoid them realizing he's meddling, right? Although how he can then get away with hanging out with Walter I don't understand. Maybe, hand wave, the Observers discounted Walter from importance when they wiped Peter out of the timeline. And figured that held even when Peter stubbornly refused to cease existing, since Walter didn't remember Peter, so whatever, not important anymore.

I'm kind of imagining Walter telling Peter he needs his own place because he, ahem, met someone, and anyway Peter will want more space in his own house when Olivia has the baby; and both Peter and Olivia being like, excuse me what? because that was totally something September mentioned in passing, not something that's like, happened yet. I also feel like if Peter's only interaction with September pre-hair was apples bananas rhinoceros, he might be able to see him, be like "I know you from somewhere" and be satisfied with September admitting they met once in passing before but Walter hadn't introduced them so he (September) was rather flummoxed and rude, so sorry.

I also have been pondering September seeking Walter out after the whole de-observerfying. Like, it's not just that now he has hair, he also has physiologically driven emotions and the inability to stalk people through time and space since his implant has been removed. So he has to get from wherever the Observers dumped him to where Walter is, probably has to do some more traditional stalking to figure out when he can approach him without other people being there to see, has to somehow come up with like, money or a job or something for clothes and a place to live, or find Walter fast enough that his lack of such doesn't impede him too much until Walter can help, although I am continually laughing at Walter trying to convince Peter and everyone that he should be able to live on his own with his boyfriend why won't you let me mortgage a house.

Maybe Walter can argue his way into living in one of the properties he already owns; the Reiden Lake house, for instance.

But the idea of September skulking around trying to figure out when to talk to Walter suddenly made me wonder--when he shows up to talk to Walter in the lab at the end of season 1, and they end up at Reiden Lake and Walter is Missing and Peter eventually finds him out there--like, did September hold hands with Walter and jump him through spacetime from the lab to the lakeside, or did he lead Walter out to the parking lot, pull a key fob out of his pocket, and make a car beep and unlock for them? Like, we know September can drive; he was driving Walter's car in 1985 when Walter woke up from the dunk in the ice. So September could have driven them to Reiden Lake. But like. Is it his car? A car he randomly "borrowed" that he knew its owner wouldn't be looking for it for a day or so? What kind of car does an Observer drive? or--what kind of car does September drive, he's not exactly standard Observer temperament in all things. Does he cram Walter in a Smart, because the future has taught him to conserve resources as much as possible? Does he revel in some kind of classic gas-guzzling boat, because nothing of the sort is available in the future? Does he have a Camry or a Civic or something, because it's a common car that won't stand out and attract any attention? What did they talk about on the three hour drive from Harvard to Reiden Lake? Did September let Walter pick the music? Did September drive off and leave him there after the dramatic handover of the coin? Did Walter say, "Wait, where are you going?" and September enigmatically assure him someone would find him soon?

But, back to the future (starring Eric Stoltz), the few years of recently humanized September and Walter managing to hide all their adventures from everyone else. And like. When they find him in season 5, he totally brushes off what happened to him as he always admired the time period, it wasn't much of a punishment to strand him there; but like. Imagine how much crap he was going through, going from having no feelings of his own, just weird echoes of feelings from Observing a society where everyone had them, to suddenly having all of the biochemical mechanisms of feelings flowing in his veins. And not having any experience with moderating anything. Like, I'm imagining him throwing something in frustration, and being shocked by the sound of it shattering, and admitting, I don't know why I did that. I think Walter would glibly offer to take a blood sample and synthesize something pharmaceutical to help September out, he certainly uses chemicals to induce moods and states of mind he wants for himself; I'm not sure what September would think about that.

And then, also, pants feelings. September comes from a society where no one has romantic relationships, let alone sexual ones; all offspring are grown to maturity in tanks; and they don't seem to have gender delineations, I'm not even sure they have any expression of sexual characteristics at all. The lack of hair might have pointedly been genetically added in to mark the lack of secondary sex characteristics. So here's September, who's been adult but neuter for an entire waking life, who now has suffered what the Observers term biological reversion to turn him into a standard 21st century human male, so he's dealing with both the feelings and the anatomy for the first time in his life. It's like puberty, but worse. And he has no models from his own society on how to or when it's appropriate to act on his feelings; he's been Observing the world he's been dumped in for a while, but he has no experience of his own, and he's so lost, and he doesn't even know if he wants to act on his feelings, like the society he comes from seems to have all kinds of like, cultural suppression and disapproval at anyone who seemed like they might be feeling things. Even though he's not there anymore, he spent a long time pretending that he was unaffected by Observing, that feelings were not at all catching and he certainly had none, sir.

And--it struck me in the episode where they find "Donald," that even though he's emotionally open, he's astounded that Walter is still alive and so glad to see him again, he's not tactile. At the moment where I totally expected him surprise everyone and embrace Walter, he didn't. He was so effusively happy but he didn't reach out, at all. And of course nothing in the society he's from would encourage touch at all. No one is a parent in the sense of raising a child, genetic donors do not hold their offspring and the offspring are not children, they are fully matured in tanks and enter the world as adults. No one has intimate relationships outside of the families they don't have. No one has any reason to touch anyone else. And it's not that I think September might not want to, more that, from that background, he doesn't know how, doesn't trust himself to do it in a way that conforms with social expectations, and honestly, might be overwhelmed. Even the smallest touches, Walter's hand on his shoulder, evoke so much emotion in him. And he's so ill-equipped to handle emotion at all.

jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Watching DS9 after having finished Enterprise, and I just

In the first episode of the Prophets are freaked out by corporeality and linearity and think humans must be destroyed because so aggressive, violent, etc, an inherent danger to their existence.

We know the Prophets eventually start deliberately messing around with time for outcomes they want, see: Sisko's ancestry.

My theory is that the non corporeal beings who exist outside of time and were trying to incite the Xindi to preemptively wipe out humanity--they were the Prophets, doing that while experiment with the timeline in the same span of existence as Sisko explaining that humans are totally not mass-murdering colonialist dicks, but in fact totally peaceful people who swing bats at balls for irrelevant reasons.

It was the Delphic Expanse they were trying to create. So easily could have been a translation error for this space claimed by the Prophets. Perhaps the expanse was even an early attempt at creating the interface with regular space that eventually became a wormhole! I mean, why not, sure it's been around 10,000 years, and sort of kind of probably existed before Sisko and Dax fell into it, but what is time? What is before? Linearity does not apply.

(I also theorized the shapeshifters Enterprise NX-01 met on a rogue planet were totally the Founders. How did they end up in the gamma quadrant from there? Well, the rogue planet probably like, vanished into the expanse when it evaporated, I mean, why not.)


Mar. 19th, 2016 04:14 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I appear to be having a period this month. Don't know what that's about.
jmtorres: Lennier from Babylon 5 about to do Minbari kung fu. Do not fuck with me.  (B5)
I was going to title it "current fandoms" but I'm not sure I'm fannish for all of them.

Cherryh, in general; I'm collecting audiobooks of the Foreigner series to listen to on the metro and on long drives (I've read them all, which seems to be a thing I want/like/need in audiobooks? That it's a book I know and am sure I am up for having it poured into my ears?). read the Chanur and the Mri books earlier this year, got most of the way thru Morgaine before stopping bc not up to torture/execution opening scene of 4th book. And now I'm poking my way through various omnibuses that collect unrelated novels for anything with azi in; found Port Eternity interesting in the emergency interactions but kind of blah in the conclusion; most of the way through Serpent's Reach and torn between fascination and wondering if Raen actually comprehends azi mindset much at all. Planning to reread Cyteen... eventually. Or maybe listen to it, I got the audiobook of that but like. I'm not sure I want to take that one on tape!

Babylon 5 rewatch with [personal profile] jetpack_monkey, because we needed an ensemble show to prevent us from rewatching Grey's Anatomy again, and this was the one we agreed on. We just started s2, but it might be a bit until we continue because Fallout 4 dropped today. I remember the broad strokes of B5 but many of the particular moments are delights I had forgotten.

(in theory I'm still making a GA vid, which is honestly more fannish than a lot of my interaction with these various media, so I should probably include GA too even though not actively watching it now. Just for like. The past six months. you know. whatever.)

Hemlock Grove, I'd seen the first two seasons previously but did not recall them particularly so I'm rewatching for s3. I'm up to the surprise threesome Miranda wants them not to be awkward about. Does she die or turn out to be evil or something? I forget. This series is so weird. Not the gothic whatever, the narrative construction. Like, in the first season, the two boys who are ostensibly the main characters are utterly irrelevant to the plot--neither is actually the killer, neither actually stops the killer, I don't think you can even say they solved who the killer was, they just did various pointless things until she showed up and confessed, basically. And then the whole Letha's pregnancy thing--that was apparently Olivia's doing, her mindwhammying Roman into it. Basically all the white dudes on this show are whiners dancing on the strings of women puppeteers, Roman, Norman, you can make an argument about whether Peter counts since Romani, but played by a white dude; he makes Roman have more of a personality but he's not a particularly effective plot force. Dr. Pryce actually moves the plot occasionally, but then, he's definitely not white. And--I'm not complaining per se that the women and people of color are the most interesting and complex and active, but I wish the story was framed around them, then. Like, as far as I can tell, the show THINKS its overarching theme is the tragedy of Roman's decline and fall into upirism but like. In the list of things that are more interesting: Shelley, everything about Shelley, Clementine Chasseur's background in monster-hunting and moral conflict about it, Destiny's very grounded, bodily fluid-based magical practice, Olivia's background and manipulations and how she's gotten through the centuries and why it's been so difficult for her to have the baby she wanted, a wolf-girl afraid of sexuality turning to an unwed pregnant teenager for help-- anyway, I have feelings about this show and the things it should give me more of and fails to.

How to Get Away With Murder - finished the first season on Netflix a couple of days ago. Facepalming all over the place at various "reveals."

Portal. Played through Portal recently, might play through Portal 2, although from what I saw of [personal profile] jetpack_monkey's play thru of the first few chapters, GLaDOS's new habit of weight-based insults may turn me off. Kind of like how you may not want to play Katamari games if you have certain kinds of issues with your father.


Nov. 10th, 2015 05:02 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
oh look; it's a period.


jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)

April 2019

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