jmtorres: (hide)
it is now officially december

fuck my life

i am apparently one of those people who doesn't bother with capitals or punctuation anymore, but i console myself that i have become like lady gaga in the Lady and the Captain fic.

Meanwhile: i keep trying to capitalize "i" and it doesn't go through. dear keyboard: wtf.

Things I need to do in order of priority (oh hey i found the fucking shift key... or not. what.)
--scramble through my classes
--or gtfo of my classes
--cap_ironman sesa (the good news is I've started on it, the bad news is I should probably check something with the mods and the worse news is I'm going to need to do ~research~, wtf is up with my formatting I BLAME TUMBLR)
--yuletide (to which end, I need to review some source, and would like some company)
--the pinch-hit I picked up, fml
--probably the escapade vid should get higher priority than treating for festivids
--DID I MENTION I STILL HAVE TO PACK ALL MY CRAP UP AND MOVE
--maybe I should go put a load of laundry on. In, in aid of that.

Also, my hours at work are doubling due to we're hitting a busy stretch and we have no shipper/receiver.

I think I have managed to work more daily on the Assembly Con fic than on any of the above items. Oh god.

Everyone keep calm and imagine Steve subbing for Pepper. (what? it's my happy place.)
jmtorres: movieverse Steve Rogers with dorky grin. Text: The future is awesome! Who else is a robot? (awesome)
I have survived my quiz. Quite well, actually.

What shall I do for another two and a half hours before work?
jmtorres: (scream)
My lecture on movie musicals says they started with stories about African-Americans and Irish Americans and German Americans etc, leftover from Vaudeville. Then the lecture produces this:

Eventually, Hollywood and movie musicals in general would move away from this kind of ethnic-based narrative, as the heroes of most movie musicals are usually generic "American" types without any ethnic markers.


CAN ANYONE SPOT WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SENTENCE?
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (sleep)
I really thought I would be asleep right now. Or at least fallen over contemplating my various aches (the elbows kicked in about an hour ago: driving-related, I assume). Instead I am... cursing that I cannot access my online class early and contemplating rereading Warrior's Apprentice in aid of wee Secret Agent Ivan fic.

ETA: can anyone recommend/disrecommend/share? Vorkosigan audiobooks?

ETA2: Novel-length podfic, I can find. Audiobooks, I am failing.
jmtorres: Electric Mayhem: the Muppet Band's bus. (music)
Have you ever been listening to the radio and suddenly felt like the song was written for you personally for five seconds? When I was putting together this list I found myself realizing how much it says about my psyche and maybe also my generation. Like, I almost wish Imagine or something was on here, it seems loftier than *cough* some of these, but I grew up with Imagine, I never had a paradigm shift on it, it was just always there for me. These? These were really personal moments of impact.

Three song lyrics that meant the world to me:

I was made to believe there's something wrong with me, from Cold War by Janelle Monae

This was the line that made me want to write this entry. I wish I'd heard this years ago. I wish I'd heard it years before she even wrote it. I wish I'd heard it in high school. I don't know if I would have understood it, if I would have had the objectivity to get it, but this was something I struggled with, as a queer girl growing up: the sense that there was something wrong with the way I was, that didn't actually come from something being wrong with me but from something being wrong with society, that society was telling me you don't fit, you're a broken cog but it wasn't true, it was society being a broken machine. It's hard to see it the first time but it's so liberating when you do. If I could send this song back in time a dozen years to tiny me, I would.



I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance

Okay, don't laugh at me, you folks.

I first heard this song--saw the music video, actually--during Lost Year II, The Flunk Out of Every Institution in the State Remix. We'll call it the Geographically Challenged Year. It was bad, but not quite as bad as my Lost Year, and part of the reason was this song.

I have chronic clinical depression. The Lost Year was the year I just went under to it, the Geographically Challenged Year was the year that I could admit--to myself, if no one else--that something was wrong. I burned some bridges figuring that out, but. It was better. A little.

You see, clinical depression is, 95% of the time, invisible to other people. You're tired or you're cranky or in a bad mood or whatever, you should just buck up and get over it. (You can't get over it, it goes on and on.) And it's so ingrained in our culture that the answer to "How are you?" is "I'm fine" at the best or "I'm okay" at the worst. If you say "I'm awesome!" people look at you kind of pityingly, like "I'm so sorry your company is asshats, at least they don't also make you wear flare?" If you say "I'm terrible," you really had better be bleeding to death, and even then, the temptation is to brush it off as "Just a flesh wound." And if anyone has any reason to suspect you're not really okay, that you're just giving the socially acceptable response, the thing to do is in fact to promise, to assure them that you're okay. Even more for women, I think, there's a negative stereotype of a the woman who complains, what a nag, what a hag she is, and no one wants to be that, right?

So for ages and ages I told everyone including myself that I was okay, when I wasn't, because I didn't know how to say anything else. It seems like such a small thing that this song deconstructs but I don't think any more sweeping statement would have had the same impact--if they had said "I'm depressed, my life sucks," well, that would have been the sort of sentiment you can get away with in emo music, right? But "I'm not okay, I promise," takes the thing you're supposed to say, with all its trappings, and says, "That is a social fiction. That is a lie."

Seven years later I can admit to myself when I'm not okay, and sometimes even to other people.



Sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears, from The Cool, Cool River by Paul Simon

This is off The Rhythm of the Saints, which may be one of my favorite albums of all time. What this line encapsulates for me is how the creative process comes out of deep emotions--for him, it's music; for me, it's fiction or film. You don't know how many times I've been jarred to realize that I'm putting myself down on paper at the safe distance of a character in a story. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes you can work through your issues at that distance and write something that's interesting to other people and we call that being inspired. And sometimes it's not enough, sometimes putting things at the safe distance of fuel for the creation engine is putting them too far away, sometimes the only way you can actually process is to own it in yourself. Sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears.
jmtorres: TOS Spock leans face on hand, has mild eyebrow raise. Text: seeking internally consistent logic since 1966 (fanhistory)
I want to shove this chapter of my textbook on Soviet montage at every vidder I've ever met. While I was watching Man with a Movie Camera (Vertov, 1929) I kept being struck but by how vid-like the editing was, how he kept using metaphors, matching images like sewing and film editing or the human eye, the camera lens, and window shades opening and closing. But I had no idea how much early Soviet editing WAS vidding.

See, immediately post-Revolution Russia had an epic shortage of raw film stock to shoot new material on, and they were actually frequently using the tail ends of reels from films shot in the era of the czar. But the Kuleshov Workshop didn't have film to be wasting on student projects at all--they were learning and experimenting with editing entirely with clips from pre-existing works. IE, vidding.

(Ugh, [personal profile] traykor, I finally found the exact thing I was looking for the other night--the Mozhukhin Experiment. *facepalm*)

I was about to say, vidders, do yourselves a favor, if you don't know about Soviet Montage and Kuleshov and Eisenstein and Vertov and Pudovkin, look them up, but I just came up with a terrible idea--if I were to go to Vividcon this year, would anyone be interested in a panel on the subject? which has already been done.

What.

Feb. 8th, 2011 12:38 pm
jmtorres: Teachers from film Donnie Darko sitting next to each other in auditorium. Text: "Donnie Darko." "I know." (teachers)
My TA called me "Connie" like, five times today.

This would be like you all calling me Jenny.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
My festivid is a hit. I am refraining heroically from answering comments, which are awesome. (I also keep seeing my gift, the awesome Marion from Indiana Jones vid, on recs lists, which brings me glee.) [personal profile] niqaeli is collecting an entry of quotes from the vid mines that I wouldn't let her post at the time because they're spoilery, but the schedule on festivids is so stretched out that we're reaching the point of losing context. "Why was [char] a vampire?" I found myself asking regarding one of the quotes that was hilarious at the time. I remembered eventually. It's spoilery.

Today I discovered a new portmanteau for [personal profile] niqaeli's favorite SPN pairing: Casquatch. We died and died of laughter.

Last week we went to see Red at the dollar theater--that being the flick where aging ex-spies (Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren) are on somebody's hit list and being pursued by up-and-coming spy (Karl Urban). We found it hilarious and adorable. It almost but not quite passed Bechdel. I'm not sure I would find it as charming on second viewing because violence against women )

Watched the last two episodes of White Collar. My memory for the one last week is full of holes. Oh wait, it's coming back to me. Burke's Seven. Right. Did you know [personal profile] niqaeli and I have a pet theory that El totally was a con and Peter figured her out in a way he couldn't arrest her for (among other things I like this theory for decreepifying the surveillance photo courtship: it was legitimate case surveillance!) and either she knew Neal and lets Neal think Peter doesn't know this for hilarity or Neal has only recently discovered her shadowy past and recognizes her reputation and is all OMG HOW WHAT YOU WERE SO AWESOME I DON'T EVEN. Anyway, with that theory, most El scenes get an extra twenty points of sweeeeeet.

So the most recent episode had the potential to joss the vid I'm working on, and I've been expecting to be jossed since--okay, no, I was expecting to be jossed last November but I've since given up on it (my attitude at this point is SHOW, PROVE ME WRONG! JOSS ME!)--but far from jossing me, this episode provided more fodder for the vid. my thoughts on this week's episode )

In other news, Ivan quietly went under and waited out Yuletide and Festivids and this week resurfaced. Bits of three of my four active Vorkosigan novellas of last year are once again taking over my brain (and the fourth is waiting for Bel to come out of hibernation). And I haven't even reread the books again or read any fic lately (except for [personal profile] dira's this evening, which made me cry at the sweet, and I would link but I'm on bit and I can't be bothered to deal with the annoying screenness to hunt down the URL ETA http://dira.dreamwidth.org/561801.html /ETA). So I decided to try for 300 words a day all year on one of those four plot bunnies, which at this point in the year would give me 100K by December 31, and hopefully enough pieces to string together a whole postable story or two and a lot of hilarious outtakes. Those of you on my WIP filter will get to watch me muddle through out of order!

Work: my hours are getting cut stupid low sigh.
School: I have another nominee for the "film class from hell" tag.
Cope: Hahaha what is that. At least I am still to some extent getting shit done?

ugh

Jan. 6th, 2011 10:30 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I hate university, kind of a lot, I'm very tired of the bullshit advising, and they've made it next to impossible to get into online classes just when I've decided I hate looking people in the face.

Progress

Jan. 3rd, 2011 03:22 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I am 2/3 of the way through my class, and 38 seconds (plus intro and topper) done with my festivid. I will not stay up another three hours for either of those. I did write some notes down on the vid to help keep track of which bits go where in sequences since I've decided to vid out of order...

I'm about 24% done with the vid by timeline so maybe by Wednesday or Thursday I'll have a full draft, which will at least give me a day or so for beta? Oh my god, I'm terrified I'm not going to have enough footage. Must finish throwing what I have at the timeline before I freak out about that, because honestly, so far ACTUAL problem has been "OH NO THIS INSTRUMENTAL STRETCHES ON FOREVER wait what do you mean that's only about five clips worth? I can't do that amount of story in five clips!"

*FLAIL* OH MY GOD VID

Raise your hand if you want to be on a festivids filter and be in the know about my subject matter so I can flail more specifically.
jmtorres: Aya from Weiss Kreuz undercover as a teacher. Text: Is it any wonder the kids call him 'Miss Fujimiya'? (school)
Clearly I would be able to handle five classes a semester if they were consecutive 3-wk courses instead of concurrent 16-wk courses. Binge is my best learning mode. Same as fannish consumption, apparently.

I'm taking a winter session class that started on 12/28 and though I have until 1/14 to complete it, I am already halfway done. I am zipping through by listening to lectures while driving or playing Bejeweled. And I'm getting 100%s on the quizzes. And the fact that I am yawning is the primary reason I am not opening up another lecture right now. I had been planning to get through a lot of the class this weekend, but um, where I am now is a sixth of the class ahead of where I meant to be right now, and roughly where I meant to be tomorrow night. I think my main problem is going to be that I can't actually take the final until 1/13. Because I will clearly be done with all the class material well before then. I guess we'll see what my retention actually is!

Ugh. Seriously. I think everything I can take in compressed mode, I will, because jfc. Why has it taken me this long to figure this out? Oh right, because a) college kept telling me if I couldn't handle it over a semester there was no way I'd keep up with the workload in a summer session and b) I occasionally try to take two compressed classes simultaneously, which doesn't work nearly as well.
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (wake up)
In the last week I:

--finished my yuletide
--finished a pinch hit
--embroidered oven mitts for a coworker
--celebrated a friend's birthday
--got all my holiday shopping finished
--got all my holiday baking finished
--got all presents handed or sent to their recipients
--worked
--survived Christmas Day with a usual amount of breakdown
--helped a couple of friends get all the crap out of their apartment for moving
--sold them the king size bed
--got them awake and actually heading towards Cali
--went to Ikea for sofa bed
--built, with niq, her giant table and my sofa bed (we have conquered the Ikea!)
--saw Tron
--did not kill my family
--registered for a winter session class

not necessarily in that order.

I did not, however, work on my festivid. I was not expecting the moving and Ikea'ing to be part of my weekend, so.

I am considering going back to Ikea just now actually...
jmtorres: the cover of the Joni Mitchell best-of CD "Hits," featuring two batter cars and a woman lying on the ground. (wry emo)
A couple of weeks ago, I told [personal profile] niqaeli, partly surprised and partly not, that getting out of school for the rest of the semester hadn't cured my depression--but I was not heavy of heart when I said it, for all that it was true. It took me longer to identify this part of it, but what did go away when I called it quits on the school was guilt. It's interesting that guilt is not endemic to the depression, it's a secondary feature: when I fail at school because of my depression, I have guilt. I do not have guilt purely for having depression, I do not feel like a failure as a human being, except when I manage to redefine human being to mean student as apparently occurs some of the time.

So: I have lethargy of spirit and of body, I have insomnia, I have depression. Right now it's just a weight I carry, not a wall I hit. I go to work and eat and anything I do beyond that in any given day counts as a bonus. I maintain.
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (sleep)
The "you went to bed early? that's a punishable offense" edition.

I think I am doing better. I got up early, went to class, though I didn't make anything up, and I wrote--I can't get any of the Glee crap out of my head, which is too bad as I am starting to annoy my nearest and dearest retelling them bits, but I wrote down some of Amita in space (on a hunch; the empty page was staring at me and wouldn't take ink for the stories of in-many-ways-normative white dudes, so I started writing Amita and got like, four pages down and only stopped for time). It's been a while since I wrote, this is good. Also I made a cheesecake and used up four of our multitude of apples (two more for the topping when I get around to it).

And that was my day. I am back to putting "going to class" in my list of accomplishments, which sucks, but I hadn't been doing it and I did it, which is good.

And: quiz due by 2:30 on Friday. Very doable.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I will now make myself attend class one and class two but skip afternoon lab as a bargain with myself.
jmtorres: (hide)
I hate you, I am very tired, I slept eleven hours last night which was three more than I meant to which made this paper very very last minute and I am still tired and argh *collapse*

*grumble*

Sep. 8th, 2010 09:34 am
jmtorres: Teachers from film Donnie Darko sitting next to each other in auditorium. Text: "Donnie Darko." "I know." (teachers)
For one class I have, the prof requires both digital and hard copy of papers (for submission to anti-plagiarism websites, and for her to use red pen on). Fine. Whatever.

The deadline for turning in the digital copy of your paper is midnight the night before class. The deadline for turning in the digital copy of your paper is TWELVE HOURS BEFORE CLASS.

Professor mine, you don't think anyone uses those twelve hours to get homework done? Or you just don't think anyone should? And what the hell business is that of yours anyway?

argh

Sep. 1st, 2010 12:32 pm
jmtorres: (flee)
Well, that sucked.

Make-up class still does not believe in cold cream, which I swear to god is the only way to get stage make-up OFF, so I didn't take my bruise make-up off before I left class, and in fact, class encourages you to go out with your make-up on, which, the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off, because in a class that's 90% women, sending us all out with bruises and scrapes on our bodies and bragging about how previous students have successfully fooled people--well, great, let's go on and normalize the idea of violence against women some more! *headdesk*

Right, so I went home, where I still can't find my cold cream nor about half my kit, and because I didn't want to go out still looking beat up I washed off with oatmeal soap, and I am not colors anymore but my skin feels wrong and I really want some goddamn cold cream and how I wish the department would buy into COMMON KNOWLEDGE OF THE THEATRICAL WORLD and get some damn cold cream.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
My real life sucks so hard right now that even though I was really really looking forward to White Collar, it took me until today to find the time and energy to watch it. I am so stressed out by summer school and the stupidest thief on earth at work that I'm having crying fits over things as idiotic as my sister asking me if I want to watch television.

So the amazing thing is not that I haven't finished drafting what I want to say about Vid Review, the amazing thing is that I still care enough to want to say anything. I have a lot of emotion and intellectual interest invested in vidding, in Vividcon, and in Vid Review, and I want to talk about it--at some point. Right now I am officially taking a break from writing that essay to give myself the space to stop freaking out about it. It will probably be a better essay for my trying to have some sanity about it.

But since I won't be posting that essay in a timely fashion, I want to make one small statement on the discussion so far:

I am sorry that our having had an interest in playing Vid Review Bingo hurt you. We did not mean to be hurtful, nor to be disrespectful, nor to break Vividcon's rules. If I had realized how hurtful other people found the idea of anyone playing Vid Review Bingo, I would not have wanted to play in the first place, because it was never our intention to hurt or to disrespect people. Please accept this sincere apology.

musicals

Jul. 16th, 2010 06:09 am
jmtorres: Revolutionary Girl Utena: Utena sandwich with Touga and Saionji for bread. (merry threesome)
Singin' in the Rain hits my OT3 buttons so hard.

(Good mornin', good mornin', it's great to stay up late...)
jmtorres: (hide)
Class starts tomorrow. Tomorrow's a long work day that starts four hours early. I need to call tech support back.

Vividcon rollover date's not until July 1, which means I probably won't know if I'm off waitlist until after premieres deadline.

ETA: note to self, want to go into town this weekend for more books, including 364.163. [personal profile] echan? [personal profile] jetpack_monkey? You mind if I come by?
jmtorres: Neal Caffrey from the show White Collar, with hat, text: "Black Hat" (Neal Caffrey)
fucking research paper, fucking everything's on reserve so I can't just take books home, I'm going to have to come back to the library tonight, and to top it off, Kryptonian!Neal has woken up and wants to be written. My brain, I don't even know.

ETA: One of my great joys in getting my old fiction transferred over to AO3 is when I type a recipient's name and AO3 autofills because the person I wrote the story for five years ago has an AO3 account now. Which means they get notified and I get to share the love all over again.

I had to douse for wireless signal to be able to edit this entry! How the hell did five feet get me from "very low" to "excellent" connection?
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
Man, I was hoping group project meant my group could carry me. In fact I am the smartest one in the group and the prof basically took me aside and told me I needed to ride herd on the rest of them.

I am skimming a season of Smallville purely for the Ackles because [personal profile] everysecondtuesday is STILL an evil, evil person, and I was reluctant to even mention it here because I really want nothing to do with Smallville or Smallville fandom ever again. But I am unable to contain my WTF. Not cutting for spoilers because season four here.

Apparently, I could make a vid about Lois Lane, Supernatural Hunter. I totally have footage of her digging up Chloe's grave. PS show, if you are trying to convince me Chloe is dead, the credit sequence? Kind of a spoiler.

I am amused by the equal opportunity nudity. Clark? Naked all the time. Lana? Yep. Lois? Uh-huh. Lex? Naked and getting it on! Also, guessing who's going to be in a shower is really tons of fun. It's hard! Because it's not always the chicks! Once it was LIONEL! And because it was a prison shower he got stabbed by a hot young naked fellow inmate! (niq: yes, yes, he took him from behind.)

In the raw steaming pile of WTF category: Lex appears to have been cast in Raiders of the Lost Ark. As a Nazi. He and his white suit of moral despair are very excited over a... model sarcophagus discovered in a pyramid. This visual motif continues in other episodes, where he opens crates of artifacts better filed in a warehouse in perpetuity.

I am deeply confused as to why Jason (Ackles' character) having started dating a high school senior (Lana) would then choose to seek employment at her high school. Because high school coach/high school senior == WORLDS OF WHAT WERE YOU THINKING.

I am far too amused by Lana's Kryptonian tramp stamp. Apparently we are meant to believe Lana and Jason are not actually having sex, because it takes him like, half a dozen episodes to discover the tramp stamp. Also a witch possesses Lana and pins Jason (Ackles!) against the ceiling. It's just like Supernatural! Except with bits that make me cringe and fast forward.

In the land of did that really just happen? Why yes it really did just happen: Lionel Luthor and Clark Kent switched bodies. I actually watched significant portions of the A-plot of this episode because I was dying at Welling and Glover mocking each other's performances. I choose to believe that was all deliberate mockery, because otherwise I am forced to conclude that the nearest thing to Lionel in Welling's acting range is in fact Draco Malfoy. Glover really just thinks Clark's a whiny bitch, though. Best part of this episode: Lex got to remember the switch and demand Clark prove his identity after the fact. Apparently the plausible deniability on the use of powers was "oh! um, side effect of the body swap!"

Because I haven't been listening to most of Lex's scenes I have to ask: Is it canon yet that Lex just pretends not to know Clark's a freak from another planet to humor Clark? Because more than ever this is what it looks like. And, seriously, if Lex can leap to bodyswap as to a reasonable explanation of matters--not to mention Lana possessed by a 17th century witch--you can't tell me he's ruling out "freak from another planet" as too unlikely an explanation for Clark.

I spent a few minutes pondering if Lex's dialogue had always been this over the top. I concluded that yeah, probably, but when I was watching it before I was like, "His love for Clark is so epic!" and now I am fast-forwarding through Lex wandering into a locker room full of naked boys to donate uniforms to the football team because his motivational speech makes my skin crawl. Apparently Clark is kind of at that point, too. Lex shut down the Clark Kent stalker shrine because Clark told him it was creeeeepy and now Clark is all YOU CANNOT BUY MY LOVE FRIENDSHIP! and Lex is all YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME CLINGING TO HUMANITY! And I am not paraphrasing nearly as much as I wish I were.

In conclusion: I now have lots of footage of Ackles making out with girls.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I feel like I missed most of February. I got an email about one of my classes noting that exam 2 was next week and I was like OH SHIT WHEN WAS EXAM 1 DID I FORGET TO TAKE IT? and the answer is no, no I didn't, I just completely forgot having taken it.

I have an online assignment due this Friday and two online exams next week. For my own sanity, to recall. And a model, and some other shit.

Spring break is in a week and a half! Which means so's my birthday! I am not working during spring break, I could catch up on homework spend all my time writing and vidding and stuff!

I was contemplating the idea of a swim/barbecue birthday party. Problems: Locations of swim are either parental or people in THEM I know only peripherally; the temp's a little low for the pool yet (though I was actually hot waiting for the bus today! It's a whole 70° out!) but I kind of feel like in terms of my own personal equinox celebration, the bracing swim is not against type. Still, not sure where I could do that & have a party.
jmtorres: (kink)
I am feeling pretty awesome. I am going to be absolutely exhausted trashed by the end of the week but I am not having quite the same love/hate relationship with sleep I had been? Mostly I don't feel guilty for it. The fun part will be AND THEN ZOMG SCHOOL.

I keep having vid ideas a mile a minute. Various people keep encouraging them. I feel like the creative juices are flowing! I am sort of headdesk at apparently everything I make from here to eternity will be meta, but maybe I should just accept that as who I am. Hm.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Cutting lab, cutting doctor's appointment (I'm *better*), watching Supernatural and reading fic, haven't done my homework yet, contemplating going to class in an hour.

My dreams threw me all off-kilter today.

In other news: Neal Caffrey's FACE.
jmtorres: Loki in dog form. Text: Yes? (Loki)
(prof unbent slightly re illness and asked for documentation. I emailed him a scan of the paperwork from my most recent doctor visit. And he emailed me back in a timely fashion, and has accepted my exam with no late penalty, praise be.)

Initial Yuletide offer list is 128 fandoms long and includes things like the Canterbury Tales. I think my next step shall be to lop off things with double digit worth of offers (unless I'm really, really feeling them). Well! That skimmed it down by a hundred (but Chaucer is still on the list, just barely, heh), so I think I'm set for my offer list. I think I shall go ahead and offer any for all, despite some misgivings. I always find that when I want to offer some characters for a fandom, it's really "all of them except this one," and you can only select four to offer, and it doesn't quite seem fair to lop off the rest of them to avoid the one. (Ballard, I am looking at you. If I get a Dollhouse request with Ballard specified, I will be acquiring a new fandom from one of my recipient's other requests.)

Right, that's done. And now I shall put it out of my mind and wait see what I get, rather than cultivate plot bunnies or starting rereading canons.

And now: my televisions (oh my god, how did I end up watching this many first-run shows):

for some reason echan thought I wouldn't like the last half of this Supernatural )

What gets me about White Collar )

It should of course surprise everyone that Merlin is a witch. )

Flashforward bores me )
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
So when it's "get a paper done or fail a class" and the paper ain't happening, I can see how plagiarism would be... attractive. Wrong, but attractive. PS this shit gets caught by the way. I have one prof who was going, "I am the head of the department you are all taking this class as a prereq to, it's a class on ethics, we focus heavily on ethics through out the program, did I mention I AM THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT and will be judging all your applications for entry into the program, and every year we have to fail one student for academic dishonesty." Seriously, what, there are times it's extra stupid. For realz.

But in fanfic? I do not understand at all. Why the eff do you plagiarize fanfic? What, you need attention that badly, that you don't care if you're getting praised for someone else's work? Because like, there's no pressure to get an A or whatever. All the pressure you might have about fanfic is internal. Even if it's like, a ficathon or something, guess what, you chose to sign up for that, it's not institutionally mandated, and you can back out rather than submit a lie. There is no pressure there that you did not self-inflict. Also, this shit gets caught as well. Especially when you rip off a well-known and much-beloved fanfic writer with a distinctive voice.

Why do people do it?

What

Jul. 25th, 2009 01:04 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I was in bed by midnight and slept for like, twelve hours. How am I still tired.

In other news: I told the pink-skin joke on eboard.
jmtorres: Aya from Weiss Kreuz undercover as a teacher. Text: Is it any wonder the kids call him 'Miss Fujimiya'? (school)
I suspect my prev tests have caused some revision of the test they just handed out, because there's a whole lot of "give us the answer that's on the DAMN POWERPOINT." Because I was categorically not wrong but I didn't look at the powerpoints so I wasn't ah, you know, making their lives easy and simple with the grading. Woe, I have already done a lot of film classes and know my shit and have opinions on shit that are not your academically mandated opinions and yet are not wrong. Fuck you.

Seriously

Jun. 23rd, 2009 12:54 am
jmtorres: Faith tortures Wesley. Text; Pretty when you bleed. (victim)
I am not sure if it is merely symptomatic of film in America or society in general or if my professor's selections of movies to analyze for gender are skewed a particular way but jesus christ I would like to be able to write an essay about film without talking about rape.

Like, not even rape culture. Just specific incidences of rape or sexual assault.

What the fuck.
jmtorres: TOS Spock leans face on hand, has mild eyebrow raise. Text: seeking internally consistent logic since 1966 (fanhistory)
[personal profile] niqaeli informs me that me and her and uh, fandom are engaging in graduate-level criticism of our media. I had not thought I was in such a rarified atmosphere but considering my classmates in a 200-level undergraduate class can't differentiate between a racist film and a film about racism, I FUCKING GUESS WE ARE THAT FUCKING SMART.

Today I linked them to something that uses the fannish jargon OT3, OT4, slash, K/S, etc. I suspect they will figure out how much of a dorkface I am any day now.

At least I know I'll be participating sufficiently on the discussion boards in these courses. I'll be participating all night long.

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jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
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