jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (lady gaga)
I took two vids to Vividcon this year!

1985, right-click and save as.
fandom: fringe
music: bowling for soup
blurb: the road to hell, paved with, etc.
runtime: 2:49
file size: 46MB mp4
notes: )

The Edge of Glory, right-click and save as.
fandom: leverage
music: lady gaga
blurb: parker x gravity OTP (but I mean. it's an open relationship.)
runtime: 1:37
file size: 26MB mp4
notes: )
jmtorres: (hide)
so, vividcon. this post is entirely subjective and all about my complicated mental health feelings, not so much about any fannish experience of the con. Will be posting the vids I took to vividcon after I write this, and that will probably be the extent of posting on fannish matters.

About a year ago, [personal profile] niqaeli and I took my brother out to the movies and pitched Vividcon to him. Every time I'm in town we take my brother out to do something even if it's as silly as wander around IKEA for two hours, because he has, since his first attempt to go away to college at 18, been living at home with fairly debilitating OCD. He is now 25. He's lost touch with all but one of his friends, he relies on my parents for a host of super basic things like turning off the water after washing his hands, he has IBS which only makes his unclean feelings worse, and I really feel like getting him out of my parents' house is a service to everyone involved.

Anyway, my pitch about Vividcon was, it's a trip halfway across the country that he'd take with me and not our parents, to do a fun fannish thing I hoped he'd appreciate, and did he think he could work on his OCD crap enough in a year to be able to go and take care of himself in the ways our parents usually take care of him at home. He does this thing, part of his OCD, where he has to come up with the exact right words to articulate himself for fear of misleading you if he gets it wrong. It can take him days to answer a question. I tend to treat this the way I would querying a computer--I try to ask an exact, specific question to elicit a succinct answer. So I asked him, first, did he want to to, and second, did he think he'd be able to. The answers were yes, and since it was a year away, he thought so.

I made various deals with him over the course of the last year--that I was going to work on making a vid, which was going to be my hurdle parallel to his OCD behavioral therapy work. (I made one! Two actually! Proving once again that the only thing that makes me complete vids is deadlines.) That I would FaceTime with him at least once a week to check in. (Sometimes I had a hard time with this, because when I was behind on my goals or having a bad brain day, I didn't want to have to admit that.) I gave him advice from my own experience getting treated for depression--that it's okay to have bad days, but you don't let a bad day become an endless string of bad days, you pick yourself up and start over the next day.

So last week, or, Saturday nearly two weeks ago, I FaceTimed him after having not for about three days. I was in the process of bleaching my hair and dyeing it pink, and I was afraid my mom would give me crap about being interview-ready on the job search, so I wanted to have the whole thing done and a fait accompli. I have the stupidest reasons for failing to call my brother as regularly as I promise. It turned out that basically the entire three days he'd spent ruminating on how he didn't think he was going to be able to go, and Mom told him he should talk to me about it but he didn't call me. Because well. He was even more internally flaily about that than I was about the dye job.

Our travel plans included me driving to Phoenix, where my family lives, the night before we flew to Chicago for Vividcon. I ended up driving out three days early to spend more time with my brother and try to convince him it was TOTALLY POSSIBLE. And meet his therapist in passing. On Tuesday, he decided that he would go ahead and contact that one high school friend he still talks to every few months, who happens to live in Chicago now. I cheered. The next day we went clothes shopping, because Mom wanted him to have new slacks and shorts for the trip. He was incredibly patient about trying on everything she found for him. There are so so many parts of why this was amazing.

So anyway: we did it. We totally got on the plane and flew to Chicago and went to Vividcon.

And I think my brother enjoyed it more than I did.

At one point around April or so I wrote him a long long description of what Vividcon was like, to my recollection. Club Vivid and the Joxer Dance and the anticipation of Premieres and stuff. One of the things I wrote to him was we'd probably go to 2-3 shows/panels per day, no one went to everything (read: I never went to everything). It's funny to me that I remembered that, but not why.

The why is, I find cons exhausting. I took like three naps a day the entire trip and I felt just beat after watching a vid show (of course, stupid, engaging the extreme focus to watch vids for an hour takes a lot more mental energy than watching an episode of a TV show for an hour). Let alone talking to people. Once we were in the consuite for like ten minutes and when [personal profile] niqaeli decided to go do something else I was like TAKE ME WITH YOU EVERYTHING IS TOO LOUD. There were a ton of people that I marginally recognized as "person I have seen at VVC the last time I was here 5 years ago" but my mental connections between faces and usernames are crap and I was never good at talking to people at cons.

PS If you talked to me about my vid and I made weird faces or said something dumb, it's because my brain was going AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW TO FAKE BEING A HUMAN?????? I mean, I also do not know what to say to compliments so assume what I MEANT to say was "Thank you" but oh my god, SO much alien cyborg input error brain.

I ended up hiding in [personal profile] echan's room watching Olympics during Club Vivid to distract myself from feeling that there were too many people, and too much noise, and I stressed myself out about plane tickets, and also everyone else was enjoying booze while I was not because meds and it's not that I don't want anyone to be drunk around me? It's more, I don't know, I felt like I'd left myself out of everything on that score. Or something.

It was so frustrating, that like. By almost any metric I would have thought of beforehand, this was a very successful Vividcon for me. I made vids, and people liked them. I saw other people's vids, and they were awesome. I did my hair and made a costume for Club Vivid and it was adorable and lit up. I got my brother to go on a four-day trip without my parents and his OCD did not prevent him from participating in the con or meeting up with his friend or even getting out of the hotel room by checkout time. There was no wankfest that blew up in anyone's face.

But my stress-activated GERD had me burping all through Vid Review and during the back half of Club Vivid I was watching Michael Phelps get a medal and having a bit of a cry.

This was the first time I've been to a con since getting medicated for the depression, so probably five years ago I put all the same kinds of reactions down to my brain is borked. But now a year and change into pharmaceutical unborking, I am still having these fundamental problems. The introvert problems. The, too loud, too many people, being around this many people exhausts me and maybe even frightens me, at least in the social awkwardness sense. The, everyone is having fun except me.

So I think I probably won't be going to Vividcon again. Or any con.

Which really sucks because where will I get deadlines to goad me into finishing vids now.


Aug. 18th, 2011 02:15 am
jmtorres: Jeremy Renner drinks from a Starbucks venti cup, wears shades and black leather jacket (coffee)
Reminiscence about Vividcons past has led me to the conclusion that my definition of pretty much all levels of inebriation from tipsy to wasted is not the same as other people's. My scale is skewed. Or other people's scales are skewed. I think it might be the latter. I would ask people to describe to me what they think of as drunk--not so much the number of drinks it takes to get them there as the physical state they experience--but I reached a level of cynicism where I don't trust drunk people's self-perceptions. Viz, "It's only when I sit still that I get dizzy, if I'm standing or walking I'm okay," sorry to use you as an example, dear, but seriously, you do not stand or walk nearly as well as you seem to think you do when you're in that state. (I'm using you as a distraction to not talk about the particular drunken incident that set off my grumble tonight. I really am sorry!) Someone said something terrifying the other night about under what symptoms of drunkitude they still consider themselves safe to drive, and I have basically sworn off letting anyone, no matter how much more tolerance than me they think they have, drive me anywhere after having even just-one-drink, because clearly our scales of inebriation differ and I am done being trusting that people know their own limits, as we are obviously using "limit" differently. Also [personal profile] davetheinverted, though a teetotaler, is also no longer allowed to be my designated driver because he is playing Gran Turismo 5 on the streets and if nothing else, I prefer my drinks to stay down. So we drink at home, or we take public transit, or we take taxi, or we take our feet, or I'm the designated driver who doesn't drink anything and is not pretending to be a guest star on Top Gear. (I save that impression for when I'm late for work.)

*takes rantypants off*

*falls down in bed*
jmtorres: touching evil US, Creegan in bronze. are you okay? you've been shot in the head (fucked in the head)
Apparently I don't know what to do with myself if I am not making a vid at break-neck pace in June.


ETA: FUCKING A', I JUST, WHAT. I promised myself I was not going to do this! That I'd be doing it for the lulz, not using the respectability of the institution as a platform for serious social commentary. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM IF I'M NOT DOING IT FOR THE LULZ. BUT APPARENTLY I CAN'T STOP BEING META.

Where's my copy of 'Fuck you, fuck you very very mu-uh-uch'?


[personal profile] aris_tgd: What do you want to vid about?
me: the male gaze
aris: Ahh. There's definitely source for it.
me: gee you think *G*
aris: *snicker*
me: *hysterical laughter*

ETA4: Seriously? My braintwin is out of ambit. I'm going to diiiiiiieeeee waiting for a reality check here. OR POSSIBLY VID HALF THE DAMN THING TONIGHT.
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
So (I'm pretty sure) I'm really actually not going to Vividcon this year.

(I was mostly not going last year but by this time last year, I'd had a vidbunny, come off the waitlist, and dropped the entire thing on the timeline in like, a week to make Premieres deadline.)

This year I haven't even registered for the waitlist.

And that insistent feeling in the back of my head that there's something I'm supposed to be working on that I'm neglecting? Pretty sure it's the Premieres deadline. That doesn't matter because I'm not going and not submitting anything. But I can still feel it in the back of my head.

Augh. Why.

(I could still register and see if there is a waitlist. I could--)

(No, I really, really could not.)

Sigh. I'm going to go back to reading my book now. On paper. Away from the computer.
jmtorres: TOS Spock leans face on hand, has mild eyebrow raise. Text: seeking internally consistent logic since 1966 (fanhistory)
I want to shove this chapter of my textbook on Soviet montage at every vidder I've ever met. While I was watching Man with a Movie Camera (Vertov, 1929) I kept being struck but by how vid-like the editing was, how he kept using metaphors, matching images like sewing and film editing or the human eye, the camera lens, and window shades opening and closing. But I had no idea how much early Soviet editing WAS vidding.

See, immediately post-Revolution Russia had an epic shortage of raw film stock to shoot new material on, and they were actually frequently using the tail ends of reels from films shot in the era of the czar. But the Kuleshov Workshop didn't have film to be wasting on student projects at all--they were learning and experimenting with editing entirely with clips from pre-existing works. IE, vidding.

(Ugh, [personal profile] traykor, I finally found the exact thing I was looking for the other night--the Mozhukhin Experiment. *facepalm*)

I was about to say, vidders, do yourselves a favor, if you don't know about Soviet Montage and Kuleshov and Eisenstein and Vertov and Pudovkin, look them up, but I just came up with a terrible idea--if I were to go to Vividcon this year, would anyone be interested in a panel on the subject? which has already been done.
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (fight club)
Why is everything all tangled up in memory, and in record? I had the urge today, because I keep getting comments on Boy King, to check how close it was to Long Spear (Boy King has a ways to go, the counts stand 82 to 113, but I keep getting comments on Boy King drifting in!) and in the process I looked at what last year's Vividcon was like for me (so boozy) and found a comment of sympathy someone left about my brother, and all of the post Vividcon entries I wrote had the element of start-of-school stress (I work long hours start-of-school) but also my brother's tragic failure to cope and--

The things I make and write fannishly, vids, fiction, meta, are always connected to, reflections of, marked by, my real life and emotions. I can never go back and just look at the vid I made or the story I wrote, I also end up going back and finding who I was then. And maybe it's an effect of how and why I create or maybe it's just that I'm always in a pressure cooker, but every time I do this I think of that line from Fight Club, you met me at a very strange time in my life.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (supernatural)
I think I have found my submission for next year's badfic reading at Vividcon.
jmtorres: Neal Caffrey from the show White Collar, with hat, text: "Black Hat" (black hat)
This is not a vid I made for Vividcon, this is a vid I made (primarily) at Vividcon. It's taken me a couple of days to finish it up because, you know, work, real life, family, and so forth, but I started paper-vidding on the plane to Chicago Thursday evening and it was 80% on the timeline when I left the badfic reading Sunday night. If you saw me vidding at con? This is what I was working on.

Vid: I Drink Alone
Vidder: [personal profile] jmtorres
Fandom: Leverage
Song: by George Thorogood
Warnings: Gunshot including muzzle flash; brief blood; five frame clips at 24fps (slightly longer than 1/5 of a second); alcoholism; jump cuts.
Summary: Manpain is funny.

Download link (please right-click/save-as): I Drink Alone (28.7MB avi)

embedded from youtube )
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
So this is, in part, the entry I didn't write all summer because it was stressing me the hell out. Then Vid Review happened this year and amazingly it was much less stressful than in previous years, so I'm finding my words.

Vid Review was a lot better than in previous years. The moderation was extremely important in that. Astolat and Flo were solid, organized, thoughtful moderators. I liked the set-up this year--they grouped vids into blocks of half a dozen or so, Character Studies (viewable with and without context), Relationship vids, Broader Themes, Comedy, and Lonely Hearts (didn't fit comfortably in other categories). They encouraged the audience to make connections between vids in categories and between categories and to comment on more than one vid at a time. So we stayed on time and finished around 11:55, without skipping over any vids, and--I think this is important, but to be fair, my vid was categorized in Comedy--grouping the comedy vids together prevented the usual savaging of comedy vids.

You see, Premieres is typically drama/angst-filled and beforehand everyone is excited that someone might have made a comedy to break up the tearfest and then afterward at Vid Review--in previous years--comedy vids got fairly uniformly shredded, and then people wondered why hardly anyone submitted comedy vids to Premieres. Gee, it might have been because Vid Review told people that comedy vids were unwelcome and only drama vids were valid Premieres vids.

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS YEAR. Like, no one even uttered the phrase "should have made the joke and got out." You do not understand how happy this makes me. That's a phrase that functions as a dismissal, because it closes the topic with supposed general wisdom instead of opening the topic, such as by saying what part of the joke was worth keeping and what part dragged, which is something people could actually talk about and might not agree on even if they did all think it could be shorter. And the fact that that phrase--and other old chestnuts--have been repeated year to year just means that they're soaked in context that new members don't get. That's why I think comments like "should have made the joke and got out" need to be unpacked and formed in specific for the vid in question rather than quoted as a general rule--because when quoted as general rules they function to alienate and dismiss vids that don't meet an invisible standard that is not acknowledged to exist.

And can I get a BOOYAH let me repeat THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS YEAR.

There are a few people--and it seems to me to be a specific lineage of vidding geneaology--that prefer to speak in Vid Review only when they have something negative about a vid. Someone behind me, when told I was the vidder of one of the vids of current category, leaned forward to say that she had nothing to say about my vid, and she meant it as a compliment. This is an attitude I don't understand and that bothers me about Vid Review--and in previous years it was much more pervasive, in part because it seemed to be an attitude held by a moderator. I don't get it. I don't get why just because you CAN say negative things in Vid Review, you want to ONLY say negative things in Vid Review. It makes it sound like you don't like anything, because nobody can hear your silences about things you liked, or even things you didn't like or dislike but found intellectually interesting. I like it when Vid Review has commentary on what worked as well as what didn't, on what made people think and wonder. I don't think it needs to be balanced in the sense of 'be nice to every vid whether it deserves it or not,' I mean, 'why can't we be talking about the good that exists as well as the bad? I mean, we like vids, right?'

There were a couple of comments this year that made me wince a little, but overall, I feel like people did talk about what the liked as well as what they disliked, that the moderating emphasis on connections and comparisons got people thinking and talking in ways that were more fruitful, that opened things up instead of shutting things down.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
So post-Premieres the entire con is trying to use the internets, and the internets (being crappy hotel wifi) are resisting use. Leading to a couple of people in my room positing Vividon/Internets non-con.

Meanwhile, we were discussing the vastly over-exaggerated, even mythologized stories of random hook-ups at Vividcon. Said I, "How many witnesses were you that time you were making out with someone in the restroom?" [personal profile] niqaeli does not recall, as she was very drunk that year. It is worth noting that when she started licking my ear in Club Vivid I dragged her up to the room, which may have led people to erroneous conclusions. In conclusion, we may have contributed to the mythology. YET SADLY WE HAVE NOT ACTUALLY HAD ANY VIVIDCON HOOK-UPS. Woe.
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (ruby)
I made a vid. It premiered at Vividcon tonight.

Title: The Boy King
Vidder: [personal profile] jmtorres (with an assist from [personal profile] niqaeli)
Fandom: Supernatural
Song: Sheep Marketing Ploy by Tom Smith
Warnings: Dude, it's Supernatural. Specific warnings here.
Summary: Sam Winchester, the Death Sheep from Hell.

Download link (please right-click/save-as): The Boy King. (27MB avi)

embedded on youtube )


Aug. 6th, 2010 12:10 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
The hotel internet finally let me on.

Also, I have 2/7 of a vid.


Aug. 5th, 2010 05:54 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Not off the ground yet. Still hanging out in Sky Harbor. Got felt up at security (I think they were checking to see if I was hiding something in my voluminous skirt), got dinner at Starbucks, watched vids on my nano for a while, now taking advantage of the free wireless.

niq made it safely to Chicago before I ever left the house. While it was nice to have a day to make sure I had my crap together and freak out and have lunch together, I kind of wish I was there already.

When I went to make up effects blood I discovered I had neither corn syrup nor food coloring in the house. That was about half an hour until my pick up for the airport so at that point I shrugged and said "Eh, I'll get it at the store in Chicago." I feel very silly for going through the trouble of finding a 3 oz container to carry it in, though. And also I feel like a crazy person, I could have SWORN the materials I got for a shoot last year were still around the house somewhere.

I also realized I won't be able to clip or lay timeline on the plane unless there's an outlet by the seat I can plug Jenny (the new external hard drive) into, because while I have all the media I meant to bring on Jenny, and then some, I did not put any on the laptop. Oh well, I can listen to vidding songs on repeat on the nano (manual repeat; if there is a way to set it repeat a single song I have not figured it out).

I'll be getting into Chicago around midnight, going straight to the room and falling down, I think. Or possibly hooking up Jenny and giving vidding a go. Who knows.

The plane is here, most of the previous passengers have disembarked, so I think I'll close up the laptop and pay a little attention.

In conclusion: CUPCAKES.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
The streak in my hair is currently red-magentay on top and purple on the bottom. The back of my hair is brown.

I'll be the one with the tiny little notebook writing notes to people instead of talking.

Also, my name badge will say "jmtorres."


Aug. 1st, 2010 10:58 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I want to make a vid at Vividcon. I was toying with one idea but... I decided the one idea was too much emotional work, primarily. So I'm pulling up other items on the burner and putting it to a vote. I don't swear to abide by the vote but you know, might influence me.

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 14

What vid should I make at vividcon?

View Answers

Big Wolf on Campus - Scott Bakula. Pros: source makes me happy. Cons: source is late nineties VHS rip.
2 (14.3%)

Enterprise - Mrs. Robinson. Pros: source makes me happy. Cons: Lots of source, also few other people will watch with me.
0 (0.0%)

Leverage - I Drink Alone. Pros: source makes me happy; this vid will probably only get made if I can do it in one weekend. Cons: I haaaate Nathan Ford.
1 (7.1%)

Sherlock Holmes - Bad Romance. Pros: very short source, many people want this. Cons: effects heavy, has been awhile since I was passionate, song cut is um *almost* done.
3 (21.4%)

Supernatural - Come Out And Play. Pros: About half done already. Cons: A little burned out on SPN right now.
1 (7.1%)

White Collar - The Distance. Pros: source makes me happy, about a third done. Cons: Working off a back-up file due to crashed drive, and remastering that finished section from DVD rip.
7 (50.0%)

jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
My real life sucks so hard right now that even though I was really really looking forward to White Collar, it took me until today to find the time and energy to watch it. I am so stressed out by summer school and the stupidest thief on earth at work that I'm having crying fits over things as idiotic as my sister asking me if I want to watch television.

So the amazing thing is not that I haven't finished drafting what I want to say about Vid Review, the amazing thing is that I still care enough to want to say anything. I have a lot of emotion and intellectual interest invested in vidding, in Vividcon, and in Vid Review, and I want to talk about it--at some point. Right now I am officially taking a break from writing that essay to give myself the space to stop freaking out about it. It will probably be a better essay for my trying to have some sanity about it.

But since I won't be posting that essay in a timely fashion, I want to make one small statement on the discussion so far:

I am sorry that our having had an interest in playing Vid Review Bingo hurt you. We did not mean to be hurtful, nor to be disrespectful, nor to break Vividcon's rules. If I had realized how hurtful other people found the idea of anyone playing Vid Review Bingo, I would not have wanted to play in the first place, because it was never our intention to hurt or to disrespect people. Please accept this sincere apology.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Official policy statements should be public and not transmitted via private message as if in an attempt to silence members. When official policy statements are made public I will respond publicly; until then, I will 1) not regard non-public policy as official and 2) just express my utter frustration and bewilderment that policy theoretically being shaped with feedback from the membership is being declared privately and categorically rather than posted publicly for response. I mean, gosh, if you're going to have secret rules, and you only notify people you think likely to break them, what happens if someone doesn't mention their activities where you notice and doesn't get a memo about the secret rule they're breaking?

ETA: Vividcon's policy on vid review bingo has been made public.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I made a vid for Vividcon Premieres. If you are into that sort of thing, you can read content warnings about it here.

My vid for vividcon )

ETA: And you can find the vid here.
jmtorres: Utena and Anthy kissing, Revolutionary Girl Utena. My prince has come. (femme)
What shall I wear to Club Vivid?

Financial aid just doubled my aid for the summer so I actually have some money to play with; I could buy a new dress and/or other things to wear. I could also afford Lady Gaga tickets now! [personal profile] echan won't play dress-up with me tomorrow; she said maybe Monday and. I don't even know. I want pretty shiny things now.

Welcome to the land of shallow.

I keep wanting to tackle deep and being unable to figure out how to phrase my issues.

So I am at: I want to wear pretty, shiny things to Club Vivid.

(ETA: well, that was a spectacular failure, and I am now in tears.)

(ETA2: FUCK. Completely unrelated to the previous eta, I am now flailing about picking out things to wear for club vivid because I FEEL TOO FAT TO COSPLAY. I KNOW THIS IS DUMB. I DO THIS EVERY YEAR. Can I go back to the year I spent entirely too much time deciding if I was going to shave my pits? I think I prefer that level of intellectual body image dissection.)

(ETA3: So I'm considering for my primary expenditure on costume this year, demon contacts. Who wants to lick red corn syrup off my arm at Club Vivid?)
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
I've been seeing reaction to [ profile] vividcon's declaration of polices, specifically their accessibility policy. It has several problematic phrasings that various people have called out.

My question, and I am aware that it is only tangentially related, is, has anyone been talking about their personal experiences as disabled people attending vividcon, and what accommodations they have or have not received from the concom? I would be interested in reading about those experiences? I am curious how much the problems perceived in the policy have been problems in practice.

This is not to dismiss the idea that the policy is problematic in its own right; if nothing else, I have read one commenter who decided not to attend vividcon specifically because of its unwelcoming accessibility policy, which means that the policy in and of itself has caused harm to the con/potential attendees. But I do want to hear about the practical experiences of people at the con, if anyone's discussing it.
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
I am outputting an m2v right now.

I... am going to turn in a vividcon vid on time.
jmtorres: Electric Mayhem: the Muppet Band's bus. (music)
Paying a few bills, like my vividcon registration, and I went to poke at Lady Gaga tickets and contemplate whether I could really throw that much money around and I noticed something.

She'll be at Lollapalooza. In Chicago. On Vividcon weekend.

Would I skip Club Vivid to go see Lady Gaga for less than half what it would cost to see her here?

*breathes deeply*

Difficult decisions. Yo.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
I have ANOTHER Supernatural vid bunny. This is um... let me count... s4, blood goatee, janie, fixin' your con, id vid, candy tears... the seventh? Maybe? SPN vid I've seriously wanted to make.

This one is epically obviously *cough.* Like Candy Tears but less subtle. This vid bunny gives great insight into exactly how seriously I take the show.

You KNOW there will be like fourteen extremely seriousface SPN vids in VVC premieres. Do they really also need mine? I THINK SO.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
So, the source still a sight unseen, we ([personal profile] niqaeli and I) have determined what our vid, song and concept is for Vividcon premieres (that's due in two weeks and we haven't started on yet). And I check my email and I'm off the waiting list.

Hahaha. Ahem.

We are taking bets that we close first half this year.


niq: ...are we making a meta vid again? I think we are.
juls: CRAP. Fuck it *G*
niq: It's a hilarious meta vid!


jmtorres: (hide)
Class starts tomorrow. Tomorrow's a long work day that starts four hours early. I need to call tech support back.

Vividcon rollover date's not until July 1, which means I probably won't know if I'm off waitlist until after premieres deadline.

ETA: note to self, want to go into town this weekend for more books, including 364.163. [personal profile] echan? [personal profile] jetpack_monkey? You mind if I come by?
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (coma girl)
I am dying of allergies. Seriously, zyrtec-D is the only thing that makes my life worth living right now. And sucktastically as well, the sniffling and the watery eyes mean I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of crying. That plus general failure to cope makes me feel like I am constantly breaking down.

I am frustrated with my headspace about Supernatural right now. I'm starting to come out of the fruitcake obsesso place and wake up with the "did you get the number of that truck?" hangover about the last few months and I don't want to, quite yet, I want to actually write and vid a lot of the bunnies I have hanging around. I think part of the problem is that I don't deal well with week-to-week viewing of a show, as opposed to binging. It's killing me to play will I be jossed, will I be kripked, instead of just mainlining. (I realize normal people just watch shows this way. Hi, I'm not normal.)

So I have a plan. I haven't decided if I'm going to implement the plan yet, because there are drawbacks to the plan. But the plan is: I don't watch between now and the season finale, and then I get to mainline the last, what, five or so episodes. In between I would watch older stuff (I still haven't finished watching season 2!) and then when I get to mainline season end, I think I'll get a resurgence of fruitcake interest without the stop and go stagnation frustration I'm getting now.

Drawbacks: I'm actually looking forward to the next few episodes, based on spoilers. Not sure I have the patience. [personal profile] everysecondtuesday, [personal profile] grey_bard, and [personal profile] echan would have a hard time talking to me without spoiling me (though considering how much I've been trawling imdb and youtube, maybe that would be okay? I could just be not-watching-spoiled until I mainline). And then, I don't know, there's vid considerations. Which is totally the last thing on my list because I'm still on waitlist for vvc and feel weird submitting stuff if I'm not going and honestly, vvc is going to be "I'm spending $500 to hang out with some people I like," as opposed to the other thing.

I keep turning myself around on that, too. I had one idea I thought I was doing for challenge and it occurred to me in like, the past two hours, that the drawer vid might be even MORE challenge-suitable. So there's like, three or four things I want to take to vvc. I mean, I guess just in that "to show my friends" way.


Oct. 13th, 2009 11:39 pm
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
Hey, does anyone have a copy of that terribly controversial bingo card folks were playing at VVC?
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Every year I mean to do a big report linking to many vids I enjoyed. Every year I fail at this. It's like, I go to Vividcon, I take in lots and lots and lots, I get varying degrees of drunk, and then when I get back home I am too tired to write up any of it.

This year I was extremely drunk for Premieres. Not on purpose; we wanted to take the edge off of our nervousness, not unhook the balance and coordination synapses. I had one margarita with a splash of pineapple rum, mixed by [personal profile] niqaeli, so say, perhaps twice as strong as if I'd gotten it at House o' Meat downstairs? I was so sleep-deprived that this one drink had me clinging to the walls to walk. I would have spent more time flat on the floor before the show if I hadn't had to go piss. And then despite pissing right before Premieres, I had to leave a couple vids in to go again. The lovely Miss Katie, who was conducting research on vidding at the con, informed me that in Australian slang I was a Cadbury: wasted on a cup and a half. Apparently this slang derives from a Cadbury's commercial advertising a cup and a half of milk in the chocolate. [personal profile] jetpack_monkey had been complaining about how much he was having to drink to feel the effects, as usually he is the lightest of lightweights; I informed him that I had found his tolerance and wished to return it. A row in front of us, Laura asked if I thought my inebriation would last until second half of the show, when it mattered for us. I can't remember what I said. I do remember that it did. Clinging to the walls! Flat on the floor again as soon as the show was over. Also, wasted.

(The night previous for Club Vivid, [personal profile] settiai reported that the bar was giving weak drinks, had watered down her order of Jack, straight, and therefore it took her fifteen drinks to get to buzzed but "I'm not that drunk, sadly!" She added that actually drunk on her includes walking into walls. She then walked into both the fridge and the table, and continued to claim she was not that drunk.)

We went to the Star Trek room party after Premieres; I lasted through Amok Time (and suggested that as a corollary to mindmeld==brainsex, T'Pau was fluffing Spock) before I had to go upstairs and just barely manage not to throw up. Splitting headache set in. I wanted only for my head to stop hurting long enough for me to sleep. Eventually hotel security told the Star Trek party to keep it down and a couple of my compatriots fled back to the room where they found me sobbing on the couch and fed me ice chips until I could pass out. This was the only night of the con I successfully slept eight hours.

Then I went to vid review.

Somehow I feel that vacations: I am doin' it wrong.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
The official description of the Bechdel show [personal profile] niqaeli and I put together for [ profile] vividcon is:

In 1985 in the comic strip Dykes To Watch Out For, Alison Bechdel gave us this test to evaluate gender equality in a movie: 1) it has to have at least two women in it who 2) talk to each other about 3) something other than a man. This vid show is about the spirit of the Bechdel Test, showcasing vids about two or more women interacting and relating with each other, in ways that don't have anything to do with men. Femslash optional.

A fairly dry definition of the Bechdel Test, in case anyone didn't know; "femslash optional" was our wry comment on what we thought most vids-that-passed-Bechdel would be about. We were thrillingly shocked to find that vidders had found and shown and celebrated female characters having an incredible range of relationships and conversations. This is a show full of vids about: friendship, family, sisterhood, mothers and daughters, adopting each other, finding your place in the world, making your place in the world, being part of something bigger than yourself, death and grief, history, identity, societal roles and how to break out of them and the extent to which that's possible--and also, kicking ass, taking names, robots, cheerleading, rocking out, and hot lesbian sex.

the playlist )

discussion questions )
jmtorres: Faith tortures Wesley. Text; Pretty when you bleed. (blood)
Vid: She Walks
Fandom: Dollhouse
Song: She Walks Over Me by Hole
Vidder: [personal profile] jmtorres
Download link (please right-click or ctrl-click to save): (23MB)

My Dollhouse vid is an angry vid.

Read more... )
jmtorres: Mom cups daughter's boobs in bra shop.  Text: MOTHER! (mom)
[personal profile] echan's first vid ever premiered at Club Vivid last night, a Hustle vid called Smart Con. But to our bafflement it had the weirdest glitch I've ever seen--it looped. Seamlessly. It wasn't even out of sync. The part that repeated covered up another part of her vid, so the hilarious MTV con she vidded was not shown.

[personal profile] echan seems to be taking it fairly well. We assured her that someone's vid gets screwed up every year, it's just one of those things that happens when you have eleventy-billion vids to deal with, and it really was seamless. We don't yet know what it'll look like on that DVDs we all get to take home from con, because I checked the version we submitted and it was correct--so it could be a glitch specific to the Club Vivid playlist burn. In any case, it will be correct on the House of Torres DVDs ($3 in con suite on Sunday and thereafter perhaps on the internets) and for download when I get home on Monday.
jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
Get Off, a Chuck vid to Republica, by [personal profile] jmtorres. A Club Vivid Premiere.

Stop the world, Chuck wants to get off.
Warning: Het. Slash. Guns. Car crashes. The Flail School of Kung Fu.

Download link (please right-click or ctrl-click and save): (22MB)

8/15/09: Ahahaha. OMG. I managed to miss the premiere of this because a) I didn't realize it was so early in the Club Vivid line-up and b) I was doing [personal profile] niqaeli's make-up and [personal profile] traykor was doing my hair. So I missed all the live reactions! If you happened to have seen it tonight at Vividcon, I would love to hear from you.

6/3/09: I write the introduction to this entry in July, after having completed my vid for Premieres show. With any luck, you all will be reading this entry and watching this vid before Premieres show. I am sort of terrified of how things will go after Premieres show. If you happen to be reading this after [personal profile] niqaeli and my premieres vid was released, know that for an entire two months I thought that THIS vid, the Chuck vid, was going to overshadow the rest of my vidding career with its sheer awesome.

5/1/09: As I write these notes, it's within hours of completing my eleventh hour upload to turn the vid into Vividcon. I wanted to set things down while I still remember what the hell I was doing, and it's three and a half months between completion and airdate. You guys. Three and a half months. Know that I have wanted to show this to you all for three and a half months.

I am really, really proud of it. I keep watching it and I don't hate it yet. The vidders among you will know what I mean--usually, there comes a time in the cutting of a vid where you just want to throw your entire editing set-up out a window and scream at the sky. The thing is done and I still like it and furthermore I think it's awesome. I just watched it some number of times that I had to figure out from looking at timestamp on the last instant message I'd sent (three time, I think I watched it three times in a row) and I still love it.

(And I just went to watch it again.)

Acknowledgements )

Cheats )

some fruity, squishy "what does it mean" crap )
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
After about twenty-five hours on the road, we have stopped (as planned! just not quite so late!) at a Motel 6 just short of St. Louis. We'll be in Chicago tomorrow... evening, probably. Yay Vividcon!

Things left to be doing:
I am making a Merlin vid with [personal profile] ysobel. I have clipped up to... halfway through the Lancelot episode. OMG so screwed.

I am needing to be mastering the DVD for House of Torres that we are, theoretically, selling at Vividcon! (For $3 a pop. Orphan vids table takes cash only. Plan ahead.)

I am about half done embroidering the insignia on my cosplay for Club Vivid.

I have a hard time walking up to people at con to whom I don't talk all the time online, so if I do not approach you, it is probably because OMG YOU ARE TOO AWESOME FOR ME. Feel free to approach me. You will recognize me by the blue hair. Yes, I dyed my hair to match my dress again.

jmtorres: Fight Club: animated with porn insert. Inches on the reel-to-reel. (vid)
So I'm compiling a DVD of our vids to be selling at Vividcon (and possibly on the webs if there is demand) for some cost in the range of $3-$4 US (plus a couple bucks shipping if webs) and I am trying to decide what all should be on the DVD, mostly because I have recently discovered that some of my early work makes me wince.

(My vid post, because I'm not going to link them all individually.)

lists of vids, cut for length )

Vids of Juls' that Juls is considering not putting on the DVD because old and wince:
  • I Want You, Witchblade

  • American Tune, Andromeda

  • Rain, Farscape

And now, a poll. This is partially to give me a clue how many DVDs we'll need to be making for VVC, partially to demand your advice re vids to disinclude.

(If you are coming from LJ, sign in at the OpenID page to be able to vote.)
Poll #675 House of Torres! Qapla'!
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6

My interest in buying a DVD:

View Answers

I am offering you advice without any intent to purchase
1 (16.7%)

Might get one at VVC
0 (0.0%)

Definitely getting one at VVC
1 (16.7%)

Might get one on the webs
2 (33.3%)

Definitely getting one on the webs
2 (33.3%)

Juls is wrong about vid X, Juls should include it anyway:

View Answers

2 (100.0%)

American Tune
1 (50.0%)

I Want You
1 (50.0%)

I have a justification for my above belief:

Juls is right not to include everything, and furthermore, Juls should also not include some other stuff:

jmtorres: Electric Mayhem: the Muppet Band's bus. (music)
I am a fucking rock star. [personal profile] niqaeli too. We are a fucking rock star.

(Is it normal to cry at your own vid? For like, three hours?)


Jun. 27th, 2009 07:14 pm
jmtorres: T'Pol in the white version of the non-uniform, under Vulcan's orange skies (t'pol)
I feel like throwing up. I am not sure whether I'm actually getting sick or just having fucking jitters about the vid.

The happy place in my head right now is T'Pol being extremely smug in bed with Archer and Trip.
jmtorres: TOS Spock leans face on hand, has mild eyebrow raise. Text: seeking internally consistent logic since 1966 (spock)
So you all remember I posted requesting you send me images of you doing Vulcan salutes for this vid that's due, er, tonight? I've gotten some great images--but all from white fangirls. All white is not representative of fandom as I know it and it's not the representation of fandom I want to show, so if you're a non-white fan who opted not to send me a Vulcan salute before, would you reconsider?

Email: juliette dot torres at gmail dot com.

Peace and long life.

I wish

Jun. 26th, 2009 09:48 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I wish I had three or four other multi meta mash-up vids to fuck up on before I did this one. I hate this one being the practice run.

I wish I had more time before vividcon deadline, because I really wish I could release it at vividcon, but at this point I am beginning to fear not.

I wish this one didn't need to be released this year to be potent. But this really is one of those zeitgeist au courant things.
jmtorres: T'Pol in the white version of the non-uniform, under Vulcan's orange skies (t'pol)
So I am working on this vid, this crazy vid that runs all over Star Trek from TOS to Reboot and back again plus fandom on top of it. I am looking for two things right now that I would appreciate your help with, internets:

1. I am looking for media which is not Star Trek wherein characters or famous people do the Vulcan salute. I have started with this list from wiki but if you know of more, especially if you know of instance of women saluting ala Vulcan, please tell me.

2. I would love to use also in this vid images (still or video) of YOU doing the Vulcan salute. If you have ever dorked it up on camera in the past or would like to do so now, SEND IMAGES OF YOUR VULCAN SALUTATIONS TO: juliette dot torres at gmail dot com.

Feel free to dress as far up or down as you like. Seriously, this can be, like, off your webcam, or if you're into photography and wanna do something really snazzy, that's cool too. If you have a disability that prevents you from saluting ([personal profile] ysobel, I am looking at you, I totally want you in this, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE), I invite you to take one of the images from wiki or Memory Alpha or to make your own, print it out, and mount a paper hand on a popcicle stick to hold while you are photographed. Personally, I think foam fingers might be even more awesome, but I don't think we have time to mock them up.

Because you see, this is for a vid due in two days. Therefore I need your images by Thursday, June 25th, 2009.

Again: Send me your images or videos of you doing the Vulcan salute! Especially if you are a fangirl! (Fanboys: I love you too. But I want my women less invisible!)

--Email to: juliette dot torres a gmail dot com
--Use the subject line: Vulcan salute
--You can send an attachment up to 10MB or send me a link. If you are using a file-sharing service I prefer to download from sendspace or megaupload.
--Include in the text of the email the name under which you would like to be credited in the vid. (I will not be linking any specific names to any specific images, but I would like to thank contributors)
--Deadline: Thursday, June 25th, 2009!

Feel free to spread this far and wide. The more the merrier!

ETA: if you are visiting my dreamwidth from livejournal and would like to comment, you'll need to go to the open id login page as there is a bug that doesn't let you login in with open id on comment pages. However, I do prefer to receive your (many and adorable) images via email, which is: juliette dot torres at gmail dot com.

ETA2: By "Thursday" I mean if it's still Thursday somewhere on the world, you can bet I'm still not done yet and you can send me salutes. Probably also on Friday, but only while it's still Friday Eastern time. Live long and prosper!
jmtorres: Purple boots. Love me, love my boots. (boots)
I uh. I may have bought some boots.

In aid of cosplaying TOS miniskirted awesome at Vividcon.

Bought them online! Bought them from which has a 365-day they-pay return policy! Because I'm crossing my fingers that they fit my fat calves but I HAVE BEEN BURNED BEFORE.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Remaining episodes to clip: 6. Finished with the main Jill arc.

Season finale: GLEE CAPS. Some narrative concerns covered in GLEE CAPS. Also, does this still work for my vid?

The vid [personal profile] echan came up with this weekend and started clipping today: MORE DONE THAN MY VID. WTF WTF WTF.

Her boyfriend and I are entering a suicide pact over our inability to vid as fast as she does.

once more!

Apr. 22nd, 2009 12:39 am
jmtorres: animated: Amanda and Lucy from Highlander: The Raven. Kiss kiss. (kiss)
Hey, all, this is your gentle reminder that there's a mere two days left to suggest vids for Vividcon themed shows. Whether you're going to vividcon or not, you should consider throwing your vids, your best friend's vids, your favorite vids ever into the ring.

Here at the Bechdel Show, I am especially excited to hear your suggestions. I also totally want your premiering vids if you are so inclined, but even just your favorite vid ever about a couple of gal-pals is made of win.

Suggest at the form!! Leave me a comment! Email me at juliette dot torres at gmail dot com. You have the power to make our show awesome.
jmtorres: Utena and Anthy kissing, Revolutionary Girl Utena. My prince has come. (femme)
[ profile] vividcon is looking for suggestions for themed vid shows! More specifically, we, your exalted VJs, are looking for suggestions for our themed vid show, The Bechdel Test.

Here's the official blurb:

In 1985 in the comic strip Dykes To Watch Out For, Alison Bechdel gave us this test to evaluate gender equality in a movie: 1) it has to have at least two women in it who 2) talk to each other about 3) something other than a man. This vid show is about the spirit of the Bechdel Test, showcasing vids about two or more women interacting and relating with each other, in ways that don't have anything to do with men. Femslash optional.

This is awesome, right? Girls, girls, girls! We are all about the ladies! We want your mother-daughter, sister-sister, student-teacher, best buds, archenemies, lesbian lovers vids!

We welcome all suggestions! We welcome vids you've seen, vids you've made, vids you are inspired to make just for us! We would really really love to see that, actually, to see people making more vids about women for this show, and for the celebration of women in fandom. What women in your fandom need your loving vidding attention? Would you, could you, premiere a vid with us?

To suggest a vid, go here:

Important dates to know:
--ETA: April 23rd date correction!/ETA: suggestions end! So run go suggest stuff now!
--June 1st: all themed show vids are due, so if you're gonna make one for us, this is when you have to turn it in!

Go! Suggest! Vid!

Your loving VJ sisters,
[personal profile] jmtorres & [personal profile] niqaeli
jmtorres: Daniel from SG1 pours lots of sugar into his coffee. (SG1)
Vid: Highway Café of the Damned
Vidders: [personal profile] jmtorres and [personal profile] niqaeli
Premiered at: [ profile] vividcon '08
Fandom: Stargate (primarily SG-1, some of the original movie)
Download link: (24.6MB)

illustrated notes )

So, to sum up: you are not wrong to look for context and subtext and metatext. While our primary goal was to make a funny vid and it thrilled us that people laughed, we also had a lot to say. We are deep and funny. Our vid contains multitudes.

Oh, and one other thing. There's a story that goes with it.


jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)

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