(it's only)

So (I'm pretty sure) I'm really actually not going to Vividcon this year.

(I was mostly not going last year but by this time last year, I'd had a vidbunny, come off the waitlist, and dropped the entire thing on the timeline in like, a week to make Premieres deadline.)

This year I haven't even registered for the waitlist.

And that insistent feeling in the back of my head that there's something I'm supposed to be working on that I'm neglecting? Pretty sure it's the Premieres deadline. That doesn't matter because I'm not going and not submitting anything. But I can still feel it in the back of my head.

Augh. Why.

(I could still register and see if there is a waitlist. I could--)

(No, I really, really could not.)

Sigh. I'm going to go back to reading my book now. On paper. Away from the computer.

Argh, I am so fucked in the head

Apparently I don't know what to do with myself if I am not making a vid at break-neck pace in June.

FUCK MY LIFE I DON'T EVEN.

ETA: FUCKING A', I JUST, WHAT. I promised myself I was not going to do this! That I'd be doing it for the lulz, not using the respectability of the institution as a platform for serious social commentary. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM IF I'M NOT DOING IT FOR THE LULZ. BUT APPARENTLY I CAN'T STOP BEING META.

Where's my copy of 'Fuck you, fuck you very very mu-uh-uch'?

ETA2:

ETA3:
aris_tgd: What do you want to vid about?
me: the male gaze
aris: Ahh. There's definitely source for it.
me: gee you think *G*
aris: *snicker*
me: *hysterical laughter*

ETA4: Seriously? My braintwin is out of ambit. I'm going to diiiiiiieeeee waiting for a reality check here. OR POSSIBLY VID HALF THE DAMN THING TONIGHT.