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continued Hornblower blender musings
Mar. 19th, 2008 11:09 amApparently the next stop in my brain blender is drag. Last night I developed the terribly important desire to see Horatio in drag. It's somehow necessary for them to get out of some scrape, and he volunteers because he's the only one of his men who is pretty enough to actually believably pull it off, although I can just hear Archie making critical comments about his nose.
This is not that crack-addled! This is positively plausible. (Certainly more so than the side-bunny that popped up about Horatio actually being a girl in disguise and the lengths she goes to keep hidden and who finds out and supports her--Pellew, totally Pellew--and yes, I have seen enough Hornblower fanservice moments to realize that this would be totally AU.)
But Horatio must run around in drag to save his men. That could so happen.
I want him to run into Pellew and, you know, call him by name, and Pellew says, "You have the advantage of me, Miss--?" and he says, with longsuffering, "Hornblower," because he wants to just tell Pellew and get the information out to rescue his men, but at the same time, he does not quite want to admit to Pellew that yes, he's running around in drag. And Pellew says, "Oh, you must be a relative of my lieutenant, I quite see the family resemblance," and it's not clear whether he actually thinks that or whether they're in public and he's covering, so at first Horatio is all, "Yes, I'm his sister, how strange he never mentioned me to you, we're quite close," all, hint, hint, sir, please get me out of this, and then spends the next ten minutes trying to come up with a given name. Which turns out to be irrelevant as Pellew calls him Miss Hornblower for the rest of the story.
And Pellew and Miss Hornblower end up running around saving all the men and getting into gunfights and things and there's a moment when they think their goose is cooked, Pellew's shot his pistols and there's an enemy who's still got a loaded weapon, and Miss Hornblower pulls a pistol out of *cough* somewhere and walks up behind the guy and tells him he'll shoot him if he doesn't do exactly as he says. And then while the guy is dithering about whether a woman would dare shoot him, Horatio clubs him with the butt and knocks him out, and Pellew is all, "Where the devil were you keeping that?" and Horatio says that he's shocked that Pellew would ask that of a lady, as he returns it to his bosom, where it has a mate. He'd been using the handles to insinuate curvature. And Pellew notes that he was rather afraid it was somewhere like that and was asking out of concern, because what if they'd gone off when she got shoved into the wall during the fight just now, or something. And Horatio says, "You'll be happy to know, then, that they're not loaded," and Pellew says he isn't sure that makes them safer props, and Horatio asks, "What, you doubt my ability to bluff?" and Pellew makes one of those faces that has Horatio thinking, right, he knows, he totally knows it's me. Did he just insult the realism of my drag?
Possibly when they rescue Archie et al Pellew introduces Miss Hornblower, the lieutenant's sister, and Horatio lifts up his chin and dares anyone to disagree, and Archie catches his eye and nods and says, "Of course, Miss Hornblower, how nice to see you again." And then it's several hours of trying to avoid giving conflicting information about the sister's identity.
And then when the day is saved and everyone's safe and sound except for the pesky question of where the hell Lieutenant Hornblower went, Pellew asks to speak to Miss Hornblower in private. And says how perhaps she'll indulge the fancy of an old man for a moment, and Horatio asks in some alarm if some grey-haired admiral is about to appear, and Pellew says, no, he means himself. Horatio is totally baffled and says how Pellew isn't old and Pellew says he knows perfectly well he's far too old for Miss Hornblower, but nonetheless, perhaps she would give him some token to remember her by. And Horatio is all, *BLUSH*, thinking, Oh, God, not only does he not know it's me, he likes me.
But so Horatio asks him for a blade ("You straight razor will do, surely it must be nearby, if you keep a mirror here?") and pushes back the bonnet he's been wearing this entire time to hide the inadequacy of his hair, and cuts a little lock from his forehead. And I'm contemplating a plot-related cameo locket, that he then takes off and puts the lock of hair into, saying it's as good a vessel as any, and he gives it to Pellew. And Pellew kisses his hand all soft and dry and thanks him, and asks if there's any messages he can convey to Miss Hornblower's brother?
And then they, you know, say farewell. And Archie manages to sneak Horatio off somewhere to transform back and he goes to say hello to the Captain and Pellew notes that he's just missed his sister, did Hornblower know she was here? And he glances up at Horatio's hair, where there's this little bit that's too short to go into the rattail, and grins, and Horatio blushes and puts his hat on and tries to figure out, again, if Pellew had him spotted or no. And goes to hide. Because yes.
Not that I have thought about this too much or anything.
This is not that crack-addled! This is positively plausible. (Certainly more so than the side-bunny that popped up about Horatio actually being a girl in disguise and the lengths she goes to keep hidden and who finds out and supports her--Pellew, totally Pellew--and yes, I have seen enough Hornblower fanservice moments to realize that this would be totally AU.)
But Horatio must run around in drag to save his men. That could so happen.
I want him to run into Pellew and, you know, call him by name, and Pellew says, "You have the advantage of me, Miss--?" and he says, with longsuffering, "Hornblower," because he wants to just tell Pellew and get the information out to rescue his men, but at the same time, he does not quite want to admit to Pellew that yes, he's running around in drag. And Pellew says, "Oh, you must be a relative of my lieutenant, I quite see the family resemblance," and it's not clear whether he actually thinks that or whether they're in public and he's covering, so at first Horatio is all, "Yes, I'm his sister, how strange he never mentioned me to you, we're quite close," all, hint, hint, sir, please get me out of this, and then spends the next ten minutes trying to come up with a given name. Which turns out to be irrelevant as Pellew calls him Miss Hornblower for the rest of the story.
And Pellew and Miss Hornblower end up running around saving all the men and getting into gunfights and things and there's a moment when they think their goose is cooked, Pellew's shot his pistols and there's an enemy who's still got a loaded weapon, and Miss Hornblower pulls a pistol out of *cough* somewhere and walks up behind the guy and tells him he'll shoot him if he doesn't do exactly as he says. And then while the guy is dithering about whether a woman would dare shoot him, Horatio clubs him with the butt and knocks him out, and Pellew is all, "Where the devil were you keeping that?" and Horatio says that he's shocked that Pellew would ask that of a lady, as he returns it to his bosom, where it has a mate. He'd been using the handles to insinuate curvature. And Pellew notes that he was rather afraid it was somewhere like that and was asking out of concern, because what if they'd gone off when she got shoved into the wall during the fight just now, or something. And Horatio says, "You'll be happy to know, then, that they're not loaded," and Pellew says he isn't sure that makes them safer props, and Horatio asks, "What, you doubt my ability to bluff?" and Pellew makes one of those faces that has Horatio thinking, right, he knows, he totally knows it's me. Did he just insult the realism of my drag?
Possibly when they rescue Archie et al Pellew introduces Miss Hornblower, the lieutenant's sister, and Horatio lifts up his chin and dares anyone to disagree, and Archie catches his eye and nods and says, "Of course, Miss Hornblower, how nice to see you again." And then it's several hours of trying to avoid giving conflicting information about the sister's identity.
And then when the day is saved and everyone's safe and sound except for the pesky question of where the hell Lieutenant Hornblower went, Pellew asks to speak to Miss Hornblower in private. And says how perhaps she'll indulge the fancy of an old man for a moment, and Horatio asks in some alarm if some grey-haired admiral is about to appear, and Pellew says, no, he means himself. Horatio is totally baffled and says how Pellew isn't old and Pellew says he knows perfectly well he's far too old for Miss Hornblower, but nonetheless, perhaps she would give him some token to remember her by. And Horatio is all, *BLUSH*, thinking, Oh, God, not only does he not know it's me, he likes me.
But so Horatio asks him for a blade ("You straight razor will do, surely it must be nearby, if you keep a mirror here?") and pushes back the bonnet he's been wearing this entire time to hide the inadequacy of his hair, and cuts a little lock from his forehead. And I'm contemplating a plot-related cameo locket, that he then takes off and puts the lock of hair into, saying it's as good a vessel as any, and he gives it to Pellew. And Pellew kisses his hand all soft and dry and thanks him, and asks if there's any messages he can convey to Miss Hornblower's brother?
And then they, you know, say farewell. And Archie manages to sneak Horatio off somewhere to transform back and he goes to say hello to the Captain and Pellew notes that he's just missed his sister, did Hornblower know she was here? And he glances up at Horatio's hair, where there's this little bit that's too short to go into the rattail, and grins, and Horatio blushes and puts his hat on and tries to figure out, again, if Pellew had him spotted or no. And goes to hide. Because yes.
Not that I have thought about this too much or anything.
