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daily writing (white collar/dcu)
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grey_bard contributed to my tattoo fund for a holiday gift, and I asked her what she would like for a snippet of fic for a thank you. She asked me to write something in the "Neal is Kryptonian" universe inspired by this picture. I fully admit that this snippet will probably not make super loads of sense to people who have not been listening to me snicker about it ever since someone handed me the pic and the plotbunny, so, to summarize: Neal is Kryptonian, was a con man and petty criminal on Krypton and had been tossed in the Phantom Zone when the planet exploded. Superman let him out when he noticed his sentence was up and Neal wandered around Earth passing as human for several years until he happened to break out of prison by pummeling a wall. Subsequently he convinced Peter to take him on as a consultant, with a specialty kryptonite anklet to make sure he would not be using his powers. Neal's Kryptonian criminal record has been a source of great amusement, that only grows greater the more I learn/extrapolate/make up about Kryptonian culture. Ahem.
And now, the fic snippet, about 600 words:
Sex Crimes, said the header on the next page. Peter choked. He glanced covertly at Neal, who appeared to be engrossed in finding the center of the Koosh ball he'd swiped off Jones's desk again, which probably meant he was actually trying to look through the wall into the next office or something. This had been so much easier when Peter hadn't had to assume Neal was using superpowers at every opportunity. Weren't the women's restrooms ten or twelve walls in that direction? Was that the sort of sex crime Peter was avoiding reading about--voyeurism? Panty raids? Dumb teenaged shit that never got expunged, because Neal's Kryptonian criminal record seemed to extend back to his childhood?
Peter cleared his throat and forced himself to continue reading. Superman had left a rather messy set of notes on this page. Immediately under the heading, crammed above another note in emphatically dark, blotchy ink (did Superman break pens often? Peter wondered) he warned: Look, just skip this whole section, I'm afraid it says a lot more about Krypton than it says about Neal. Really, nothing here is a crime under US law. It was clearly the last note he'd left on the section, so Peter skimmed down the rest of his annotations--the one immediately below it apologetically explained that Title bit of a misnomer, public indecency's prob closer and further down, regarding an offense for which Neal had had several days added to his total sentence, This statute covers the public use of one's ungloved hands to touch--presumably other ungloved hands. All like that. A lot of odd laws preventing PDAs, declarations 'of an intimate nature,' showing one's ankles etc. Peter had no idea whether to take that last one seriously or not, because it sure sounded like a quick jab at Victorian dress but it was hard to imagine Superman with a sense of humor. Up the left margin, Superman had written, So he flirted w/ everyone (still does in my exp), not sure if this was actually regarded as serious crime or if they were throwing the book at him just because they could.
Peter rubbed his temple. It was becoming clearer to him why Superman had earnestly requested that this transcript not be entered into any formal record. "So you're an exhibitionist," he said to Neal, turning the page.
"What?" Neal said. "What does it say?"
"Not wearing gloves," Peter said in cheerful mockery. "And then touching people. Revealing your delicate ankles for all the world to see."
"I never," said Neal, sounding oddly scandalized. Oddly, because to Peter's ear it rang true.
"Admit it, you pitched the K jewelry as an anklet so you'd have an excuse to hike up your tailored trousers and show it off," Peter said. He was half teasing, half testing, now.
"To friends," said Neal. "I don't go showing my ankles to just anyone, Peter."
Peter felt his eyebrows lift. He stared at Neal, but Neal continued to look back at him as if he had uttered a perfectly sensible statement. Peter reminded himself that unlike Neal, Superman had been raised on Earth, not Krypton, so while his translation was useful, his cultural commentary might be somewhat lacking. Peter reframed Neal's criminal record around his strange, often contradictory notions about personal space and casual touch. His view thus tilted to what felt like an alarmingly unnatural angle, Peter was forced to wonder if perhaps all of Neal's "sex crimes" had been regarded as serious by a repressed Kryptonian society.
Or maybe Neal was just fucking with him. It was hard to tell.
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"To friends," said Neal. "I don't go showing my ankles to just anyone, Peter."
THAT'S PERFECT! Of course. Of course he doesn't. He's scandalous for Krypton, but he's not a (Kryptonian) porn star or anything!
(Kryptonian porn. Bare bare elbows and calves?)
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It reminds me of a wee boy of my acquaintance who was convinced that as long as he had his crew socks on, all other clothing was optional.
Actually, it also reminds me of a Dr. Who story I wrote ( http://archiveofourown.org/works/28196 ) -- oh, those wacky aliens and the weird sexual mores!
"Admit it, you pitched the K jewelry as an anklet so you'd have an excuse to hike up your tailored trousers and show it off," Peter said. He was half teasing, half testing, now.
"To friends," said Neal. "I don't go showing my ankles to just anyone, Peter."
I love this so, so much!
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(Neal has ridiculous glee at this Earth custom of shaking hands. He grins so big when he does it that Peter is constantly accusing him of picking people's pockets.)
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Favourite line:
"Not wearing gloves," Peter said in cheerful mockery. "And then touching people. Revealing your delicate ankles for all the world to see."
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I've long since lost track of which parts of the Kryptonian societal mores I believe in have *anything* to do with actual DC canon and which ones Te thought up and infected me with. I suspect I'm better off ignorant of the distinction, and that her wildly repressive/deeply perverse reading of the whole thing is more fun than the published stuff.
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(Where is my Superman icon? Did I really shelve it?? Drat!)
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Oh this is excellent and brilliant and so many other words I just don't have time to type them all.
ANKLES, man. Just...*cracks. up*
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Hee! I have to say, this idea is a gem. There is something so silly and yet so right about the idea of Neal breaking his culture's taboos and Peter having to tilt his worldview to try to figure Neal out.
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