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and now, children, why crack is bad for you
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jmtorres: can I kill fandom yet? They're all on crackniqaeli: what the hell is fandom on about that is cracked this time?jmtorres: Ianto starting an affair with Jack as... some means of getting back at him? And he's thinking, "oh, god, can I really sell my body for Lisa's revenge?" and then like, utterly fails to do anything evil in the relationship, just has sex with Jack a lotjmtorres: I'm foreseeing rentboy!Ianto AUsjmtorres: it's an old fannish standby and I'm reading a LOT about him selling his bodyniqaeli: ....can I go cry in a corner now? please? I need to mourn my fandom.jmtorres: actually, can I beat everyone to the punch and write the Torchwood as an Escort service AU?jmtorres: Gwen: ...so none of you are seeing anyone?Tosh: Well, other than clients, no.
jmtorres: Owen and Gwen: *snogging in the corner*Jack: HEY. Not on company time!
jmtorres: Jack as a madam amuses me too muchjmtorres: and he would be. Not a pimp. A madam.niqaeli: oh, yes, definitely. Pimp is not Jack's style at *all*jmtorres: God, I'm imagining him constantly toting around a riding cropjmtorres: Mostly he just smacks his own hand for emphasis thojmtorres: and scares the living daylights out of Iantoniqaeli: I am kind of increasingly fond of Jack/Ianto and yet, fandom fucking terrifies me and I am quite certain that almost all Jack/Ianto fic will fill me with as much WTF and/or rage as most Jack/Daniel fic does.jmtorres: Remember: Jack as a madam terrifying Ianto by holding his riding crop suggestively.jmtorres: Er, sorry, that probably didn't helpniqaeli: Actually, it does, because it is an amusing, amusing image.jmtorres: when I say "Jack as a madam" I am totally imagining him in a dress, too.jmtorres: This is like my new favorite thingniqaeli: I'm picturing how Rose and the Doctor slot in. They're, like, Jack's old madams from the whorehouse that put him on the map.niqaeli: and he's actually still quite, quite fond of them.jmtorres: The Time Agency was a big, ugly brothel operation and Rose and the Doctor were more... freelance prostitutes who showed Jack he could make it on his ownniqaeli: Ahahah, that's even better.niqaeli: Jack was a runaway.niqaeli: and they showed him that he could live brightly, openly!jmtorres: Jack kept going back to the Time Agency for one last johnjmtorres: and Rose and the Doctor helped him be freeeeeejmtorres: oh godniqaeli: *dying*jmtorres: why am I on so much crackniqaeli: I do not knowniqaeli: apparently I am on as much as you howeverjmtorres: and Jack tried to scare Gwen off of joining Torchwood because she has a boyfriend who probably wouldn't understandniqaeli: *dyiiiiiiiing*jmtorres: and then he dumped her on a lesbian assignment her first go to see if *that* would scare her offjmtorres: normally he would have had Tosh take it, butniqaeli: YOU HAVE TO POST THIS TO YOUR JOURNALniqaeli: :Djmtorres: as a story or a random conversation?niqaeli: random conversation, unless you WANT to write it.niqaeli: I'll totally encourage the crack.jmtorres: I kind of do.niqaeli: then doooooo iiiiiiiit!jmtorres: and Jack is pissed at Ianto for not telling him he had a girlfriend because HELLO, A BUSINESS CONSIDERATIONjmtorres: and Ianto is all, "You hired me to be your personal assistant and make coffee. I'm not even supposed to be taking clients!" and Jack is all, "But you're so pretty!"niqaeli: *dead*jmtorres: brb I have to DIE LAUGHING OMGniqaeli: ....?jmtorres: sorryjmtorres: the madam!Jack jmtorres: it justjmtorres: and they speculate about where he came from and Ianto is all, "I heard rumors about his floorshow in Las Vegas."niqaeli: *DEAD*
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