and now, children, why crack is bad for you

[jmtorres]

jmtorres: can I kill fandom yet? They're all on crack
niqaeli: what the hell is fandom on about that is cracked this time?
jmtorres: Ianto starting an affair with Jack as... some means of getting back at him? And he's thinking, "oh, god, can I really sell my body for Lisa's revenge?" and then like, utterly fails to do anything evil in the relationship, just has sex with Jack a lot
jmtorres: I'm foreseeing rentboy!Ianto AUs
jmtorres: it's an old fannish standby and I'm reading a LOT about him selling his body
niqaeli: ....can I go cry in a corner now? please? I need to mourn my fandom.
jmtorres: actually, can I beat everyone to the punch and write the Torchwood as an Escort service AU?
jmtorres: Gwen: ...so none of you are seeing anyone?
Tosh: Well, other than clients, no.
jmtorres: Owen and Gwen: *snogging in the corner*
Jack: HEY. Not on company time!
jmtorres: Jack as a madam amuses me too much
jmtorres: and he would be. Not a pimp. A madam.
niqaeli: oh, yes, definitely. Pimp is not Jack's style at *all*
jmtorres: God, I'm imagining him constantly toting around a riding crop
jmtorres: Mostly he just smacks his own hand for emphasis tho
jmtorres: and scares the living daylights out of Ianto
niqaeli: I am kind of increasingly fond of Jack/Ianto and yet, fandom fucking terrifies me and I am quite certain that almost all Jack/Ianto fic will fill me with as much WTF and/or rage as most Jack/Daniel fic does.
jmtorres: Remember: Jack as a madam terrifying Ianto by holding his riding crop suggestively.
jmtorres: Er, sorry, that probably didn't help
niqaeli: Actually, it does, because it is an amusing, amusing image.
jmtorres: when I say "Jack as a madam" I am totally imagining him in a dress, too.
jmtorres: This is like my new favorite thing
niqaeli: I'm picturing how Rose and the Doctor slot in. They're, like, Jack's old madams from the whorehouse that put him on the map.
niqaeli: and he's actually still quite, quite fond of them.
jmtorres: The Time Agency was a big, ugly brothel operation and Rose and the Doctor were more... freelance prostitutes who showed Jack he could make it on his own
niqaeli: Ahahah, that's even better.
niqaeli: Jack was a runaway.
niqaeli: and they showed him that he could live brightly, openly!
jmtorres: Jack kept going back to the Time Agency for one last john
jmtorres: and Rose and the Doctor helped him be freeeeee
jmtorres: oh god
niqaeli: *dying*
jmtorres: why am I on so much crack
niqaeli: I do not know
niqaeli: apparently I am on as much as you however
jmtorres: and Jack tried to scare Gwen off of joining Torchwood because she has a boyfriend who probably wouldn't understand
niqaeli: *dyiiiiiiiing*
jmtorres: and then he dumped her on a lesbian assignment her first go to see if *that* would scare her off
jmtorres: normally he would have had Tosh take it, but
niqaeli: YOU HAVE TO POST THIS TO YOUR JOURNAL
niqaeli: :D
jmtorres: as a story or a random conversation?
niqaeli: random conversation, unless you WANT to write it.
niqaeli: I'll totally encourage the crack.
jmtorres: I kind of do.
niqaeli: then doooooo iiiiiiiit!
jmtorres: and Jack is pissed at Ianto for not telling him he had a girlfriend because HELLO, A BUSINESS CONSIDERATION
jmtorres: and Ianto is all, "You hired me to be your personal assistant and make coffee. I'm not even supposed to be taking clients!" and Jack is all, "But you're so pretty!"
niqaeli: *dead*
jmtorres: brb I have to DIE LAUGHING OMG
niqaeli: ....?
jmtorres: sorry
jmtorres: the madam!Jack
jmtorres: it just
jmtorres: and they speculate about where he came from and Ianto is all, "I heard rumors about his floorshow in Las Vegas."
niqaeli: *DEAD*

Comments

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is brilliant and hilarious. Any chance you might really write it?

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

A smallish one.

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. Never has your icon be so appropriate.

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

Er, "been", not "be". I've got to stop commenting before coffee. Sorry.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Hee, I said that to niqaeli as I was posting.

[soobunny.livejournal.com]

Oh, you must write this!

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

It could happen!

[wishfulaces.livejournal.com]

I want this crossed over with Firefly now. Would that make it more or less cracked?

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

I will admit to having a certain vibe going.

[wishfulaces.livejournal.com]

I really feel that Inara would fit into this situation quite well. Somehow.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

I don't quite think Inara has enough, um, joy.

Um.

[wishfulaces.livejournal.com]

But that's exactly it. If you're going to exaggerate and caricaturize the DW characters, think what you could do with Inara's gloominess.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Well, I wasn't planning on it. I was just going to shift their circumstances.

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

*sporfle!*

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

*grins*

[shrift.livejournal.com]

I just came thiiiiiis close to crying with laughter at work. And now I'm picturing Jack with a sparkly feathered headdress. AWESOME.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

It's not his everyday wear of course. But lord. Damn you.

[shrift.livejournal.com]

Of course. Performances only, and those few minutes backstage when he's just finished a show and he's all sweaty and glittery and grinning rakishly, and stripping off what little he's still wearing for a smaller but no less appreciative audience.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Nnnnnguh.

Gee, do you want to write on this any?

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

Oh, did the reworked tags in dialogue work for the Who fic I sent back? Cause really, we could put that in the timeline as the beginning of Jack's arrangement with the Doctor and all the stuff that happens because of that leading up to him being a madam...with a riding crop.

::actually contemplates timeline:: OMG.

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord. oh LORD. *cracking up*

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

This is all you. It's like the crack is in the *air*. But see, it all makes sense. He's got all this experience with the relationship, the wardrobe, and yes, he has a riding crop. And the time that Ianto is organizing clothing- b/c he has nothing better to do, he finds a dress. Or two. And then there are the looks and not-quite questions.. and...stuff.

[j00j.livejournal.com]

Please write this? Seriously, this is exactly what Torchwood fandom needs. *nods* Okay, so I'm coming from SGA fandom, where crack AUs are everywhere...

and yes, the bad Jack/Ianto scares me so much. *cries* whyyy?

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

*grins broadly*

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

::cries for fandom:: Why is there so much bad Jack/Ianto, and what makes it go so badly?

I see much potential in such thoughts as above. Hee.

My own Jack/Ianto is turning into, thusfar something with domestic overtones. With, you know, with snark and Welsh angst throughout. ::quietly wanders off to hide::

[jmtorres.livejournal.com]

Mine is turning into something with polyglot puns.

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

::giggles:: That sounds fun. Right now it feels like Ianto is almost stalking Jack, trying to figure out where his place should be and not so accepting of his boss' evasions, esp. since the man is you know, a stone cold s.o.b. some of the time. So he makes coffee and angsts and stares at Jack a lot. Until Jack calls him on it.