Funnily enough, in a way it's my cultural programming coming into play too - because my experience of "People post saying they're not writing something" is that they do mean "Talk me into it/encourage me". Obviously that only holds for fic posts, not "serious stuff", but yeah, it's going by what I've been "taught" by other people.
Yeah, I get that, I just spent a fair chunk of time questioning myself because I wasn't totally sure that I've never done that. I haven't delved deep into my writing history, but checking back in stuff I've done this fall--like, okay, this one, where I'm remixing bdsmworld fic, I can see the similarities in how I posted about it, there was a fair amount of "FML" in each, but--and I ended up going back to check my chatlogs in that one, because it seemed plausible that I might treat "no" differently in one-on-one chat (and that it might carry over between chat and comments with people I talk to one-on-one a lot), but it looks like I was at no point saying "I am not writing this," I was only saying "This is a terrible idea, WHY am I writing this," and I didn't even post to my DW until I was already writing it.
(I think it is... um, let's call it an interesting confluence that the one story that I was totally onboard with writing despite my opinion it was terrible was a consensual BDSMworld, whereas the one that I'm like "ahahahaha I could make that more interesting but NO" is the one where Tony was literally enslaved, against his will.)
In another case, azurelunatic and I were couching in terms of would my headperson consent to a particular story being written, rather than whether *I* would write it. So it's a weird case? But I did initially say no. And then write... a version of it. The thing is, though, Azz didn't try to convince me to write it, I just had the damn brain weasel and changed my mind about writing it. So that's--I don't think that my right to change my mind should dilute the power of any refusal I give, but I could see how it could--which is again, frustrating and problematic as hell.
There is a line in a Killers song: "If the answer's no, can I change your mind?" which is not awesome, that "no" is not something that's taken at face value, but it least it TEXTUALIZES that there are two (relevant) kinds of "no" and asks which "no" is in play rather than just assuming any no is a convince-me "no." Similar to what you asked me, but part of what bothered me about what you asked me was that your characterization of the convince-me "no" involved all words that literally said no: I feel like the can I convince you/change your mind question needs to be textual, not a case of "surely if you protest THAT MUCH I can read in subtext of protesting TOO MUCH" or something.
I have all kinds of thinky thoughts on this. I almost want to make a full entry of it but I am not sure I want the kind of attention that would probably attract. Sigh.
Re: Do I need a safeword with fandom? Yes, apparently.
Yeah, I get that, I just spent a fair chunk of time questioning myself because I wasn't totally sure that I've never done that. I haven't delved deep into my writing history, but checking back in stuff I've done this fall--like, okay, this one, where I'm remixing bdsmworld fic, I can see the similarities in how I posted about it, there was a fair amount of "FML" in each, but--and I ended up going back to check my chatlogs in that one, because it seemed plausible that I might treat "no" differently in one-on-one chat (and that it might carry over between chat and comments with people I talk to one-on-one a lot), but it looks like I was at no point saying "I am not writing this," I was only saying "This is a terrible idea, WHY am I writing this," and I didn't even post to my DW until I was already writing it.
(I think it is... um, let's call it an interesting confluence that the one story that I was totally onboard with writing despite my opinion it was terrible was a consensual BDSMworld, whereas the one that I'm like "ahahahaha I could make that more interesting but NO" is the one where Tony was literally enslaved, against his will.)
In another case,
There is a line in a Killers song: "If the answer's no, can I change your mind?" which is not awesome, that "no" is not something that's taken at face value, but it least it TEXTUALIZES that there are two (relevant) kinds of "no" and asks which "no" is in play rather than just assuming any no is a convince-me "no." Similar to what you asked me, but part of what bothered me about what you asked me was that your characterization of the convince-me "no" involved all words that literally said no: I feel like the can I convince you/change your mind question needs to be textual, not a case of "surely if you protest THAT MUCH I can read in subtext of protesting TOO MUCH" or something.
I have all kinds of thinky thoughts on this. I almost want to make a full entry of it but I am not sure I want the kind of attention that would probably attract. Sigh.