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isabeau about this thing amireal and I were batting around, what if Teyla met Teal'c. And I ended up writing it for her as postcard porn.
1071 words.
Also, my writing hand is cramping. Also, read it on AO3.
The first time Teyla met Teal'c, she regarded him with one raised eyebrow which dropped slowly as her mouth formed half a smile--not a diplomatic, we are all friends smile; more of a predatory, well aren't you a piece of ass smile. Or so John liked to think, having been on the receiving end of it a couple of times before she'd actually gotten to know him.
Teal'c regarded her with a raised eyebrow, but skipped the smile. However, John was reliably informed that Teal'c never smiled, and that there were therefore as many variations in his blankness as in Teyla's smile, which she wore nearly constantly. A pair of matched masks.
Teal'c didn't smile, but he did bow, and there was a certain glint in his eye when he straightened. This was clearly the jaffa version of a well aren't you a piece of ass smile.
John considered it fair warning to a friend when he leaned over and whispered to Teyla, "You know he has a womb, right?"
Rodney leaned in to whisper back, "Vestigial. He's been on tretonin for ages."
Teyla ignored them both and stepped down the ramp. "I am Teyla Emmagan, daughter of Tegan," she announced, tossing her hair a little.
Teal'c rumbled, "I am Teal'c of Chu'lak, and of the Tau'ri."
"I am pleased to meet you, Teal'c," said Teyla. "I have heard much about you."
"From who?" John asked Rodney.
"Ford, maybe? Elizabeth? I might have said something," Rodney admitted. "There's a certain inevitable comparison."
Teal'c said, "And I of you. May I offer my services as your guide to this world?"
Rodney protested to John, "It's not his world!"
Teyla said, "I would be honored."
In a stately glide, they led the Atlantis team to the infirmary.
---
Teal'c said, "I have heard you are the leader of your people."
Teyla bowed her head, looking down at her plate of beans and chicken. She answered, "I was. They chose to follow another, feeling that I had grown too loyal to the Terrans."
"Was that what that was about?" John whispered to Rodney. "I thought they just wanted to go farm."
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot," Rodney whispered back.
Teal'c nodded sagely. "I understand," he said. "They are a well-meaning people, but their ways seem strange to those not accustomed to them."
"Perhaps I have not known them long enough," Teyla said, "for I still find them strange, on occasion."
"Are we strange?" John asked Rodney.
General Jack O'Neill sat down next to them and said, "Well, if you have to ask..."
"Sir," John said politely, but Jack waved at him and said, "Hey, I'm here to kibbitz, too."
Teal'c assured Teyla, "I have lived among them for nine years, and I still do not understand all of their ways. You have most likely not even seen the full extent of their strangeness, because the supplies they took were extremely limited. I very much doubt they brought enough gelatin to fill a Ring of Jello." He gestured with his spoon at the dessert they apparently planned to share.
"Oh, Teal'c, buddy, no," Jack said, putting his head in his hands. John and Rodney looked at him in disbelief.
"What is this Ring of Jello?" Teyla asked curiously.
"The humans do battle in it, wearing minimal clothing so as to present their muscles for admiration," Teal'c informed her solemnly.
Rodney mouthed, "Ring of Jello?"
Teal'c's explanation continued. "I believe the gelatin is intended as an impediment to test their skill as they wrestle one another."
Jack whispered to John, "Don't let him fool you. He's really a horndog."
John whispered back, "I don't think Teyla will appreciate getting her leather skirt stained raspberry blue."
Teyla said, "You are a warrior, skilled in hand-to-hand fighting?"
"I am," Teal'c agreed.
"I have found the Terrans lack proficiency in this area," Teyla said.
"She kicks my ass all the time," John confided in Jack.
"Really," said Jack, and John couldn't tell if he was being laughed at or congratulated.
"They do rely heavily on their projectile weapons," Teal'c said.
"That's because sticks suck for killing people," Rodney hissed. Both John and Jack shook their heads at him.
"I have been attempting to teach them the techniques my people use," Teyla said, "but I have yet to train anyone who provides sufficient challenge. Perhaps you would be interested in sparring?"
"Oh, boy," said Jack. "I have to go sell tickets."
---
"We have quite an audience," Teyla said to Teal'c.
"The Tau'ri may lack skill in this arena but they do not fail to appreciate it," Teal'c said. "I will be certain you receive your share of the profits."
"The profits?" Teyla asked, mildly taken aback.
"He knows about the tickets?" John asked Jack.
"There is undoubtedly a betting pool regarding the victor of this match," Teal'c informed her.
"Ah," said Teyla. Her smile curved up. "Do you know the odds?"
"My money's on Teal'c," said Rodney. "I mean, let's face it, he's huge."
"But she's fast," said John, who felt Rodney was betraying his Atlantean allegiance.
Dr. Daniel Jackson said, "But as a mating ritual, would it be more favorable for him to prove his prowess by beating her, or to submit to her dominance?"
Colonel Sam Carter said, "Huh, interesting. But if I were her, I'd be pissed if I thought he threw the match."
Daniel said, "Well, if she wasn't skilled enough to beat him fairly, it would probably revert to the model of the man proving his strength to the woman to show he could be a worthy provider." Sam started to protest this idea as caveman ideology, but Daniel went on, "I'm just saying that if she is skilled enough, Teal'c might, ah, lose gracefully, rather than be stubborn about it."
Elizabeth said, "I think she'll beat him whether he wants to lose or not."
John said, "Hell, yeah. Thank you."
To John's eye, the fight did go fairly, no quarter given on account of hotness. But he did wonder, when Teyla straddled Teal'c's waist, yanking his arm up behind him, whether Teal'c surrendered because she had him, about to twist his elbow out of joint, or becase she was a very pretty lady and was riding his ass.
isabeau about this thing amireal and I were batting around, what if Teyla met Teal'c. And I ended up writing it for her as postcard porn.1071 words.
Also, my writing hand is cramping. Also, read it on AO3.
The first time Teyla met Teal'c, she regarded him with one raised eyebrow which dropped slowly as her mouth formed half a smile--not a diplomatic, we are all friends smile; more of a predatory, well aren't you a piece of ass smile. Or so John liked to think, having been on the receiving end of it a couple of times before she'd actually gotten to know him.
Teal'c regarded her with a raised eyebrow, but skipped the smile. However, John was reliably informed that Teal'c never smiled, and that there were therefore as many variations in his blankness as in Teyla's smile, which she wore nearly constantly. A pair of matched masks.
Teal'c didn't smile, but he did bow, and there was a certain glint in his eye when he straightened. This was clearly the jaffa version of a well aren't you a piece of ass smile.
John considered it fair warning to a friend when he leaned over and whispered to Teyla, "You know he has a womb, right?"
Rodney leaned in to whisper back, "Vestigial. He's been on tretonin for ages."
Teyla ignored them both and stepped down the ramp. "I am Teyla Emmagan, daughter of Tegan," she announced, tossing her hair a little.
Teal'c rumbled, "I am Teal'c of Chu'lak, and of the Tau'ri."
"I am pleased to meet you, Teal'c," said Teyla. "I have heard much about you."
"From who?" John asked Rodney.
"Ford, maybe? Elizabeth? I might have said something," Rodney admitted. "There's a certain inevitable comparison."
Teal'c said, "And I of you. May I offer my services as your guide to this world?"
Rodney protested to John, "It's not his world!"
Teyla said, "I would be honored."
In a stately glide, they led the Atlantis team to the infirmary.
---
Teal'c said, "I have heard you are the leader of your people."
Teyla bowed her head, looking down at her plate of beans and chicken. She answered, "I was. They chose to follow another, feeling that I had grown too loyal to the Terrans."
"Was that what that was about?" John whispered to Rodney. "I thought they just wanted to go farm."
"Yeah, well, you're an idiot," Rodney whispered back.
Teal'c nodded sagely. "I understand," he said. "They are a well-meaning people, but their ways seem strange to those not accustomed to them."
"Perhaps I have not known them long enough," Teyla said, "for I still find them strange, on occasion."
"Are we strange?" John asked Rodney.
General Jack O'Neill sat down next to them and said, "Well, if you have to ask..."
"Sir," John said politely, but Jack waved at him and said, "Hey, I'm here to kibbitz, too."
Teal'c assured Teyla, "I have lived among them for nine years, and I still do not understand all of their ways. You have most likely not even seen the full extent of their strangeness, because the supplies they took were extremely limited. I very much doubt they brought enough gelatin to fill a Ring of Jello." He gestured with his spoon at the dessert they apparently planned to share.
"Oh, Teal'c, buddy, no," Jack said, putting his head in his hands. John and Rodney looked at him in disbelief.
"What is this Ring of Jello?" Teyla asked curiously.
"The humans do battle in it, wearing minimal clothing so as to present their muscles for admiration," Teal'c informed her solemnly.
Rodney mouthed, "Ring of Jello?"
Teal'c's explanation continued. "I believe the gelatin is intended as an impediment to test their skill as they wrestle one another."
Jack whispered to John, "Don't let him fool you. He's really a horndog."
John whispered back, "I don't think Teyla will appreciate getting her leather skirt stained raspberry blue."
Teyla said, "You are a warrior, skilled in hand-to-hand fighting?"
"I am," Teal'c agreed.
"I have found the Terrans lack proficiency in this area," Teyla said.
"She kicks my ass all the time," John confided in Jack.
"Really," said Jack, and John couldn't tell if he was being laughed at or congratulated.
"They do rely heavily on their projectile weapons," Teal'c said.
"That's because sticks suck for killing people," Rodney hissed. Both John and Jack shook their heads at him.
"I have been attempting to teach them the techniques my people use," Teyla said, "but I have yet to train anyone who provides sufficient challenge. Perhaps you would be interested in sparring?"
"Oh, boy," said Jack. "I have to go sell tickets."
---
"We have quite an audience," Teyla said to Teal'c.
"The Tau'ri may lack skill in this arena but they do not fail to appreciate it," Teal'c said. "I will be certain you receive your share of the profits."
"The profits?" Teyla asked, mildly taken aback.
"He knows about the tickets?" John asked Jack.
"There is undoubtedly a betting pool regarding the victor of this match," Teal'c informed her.
"Ah," said Teyla. Her smile curved up. "Do you know the odds?"
"My money's on Teal'c," said Rodney. "I mean, let's face it, he's huge."
"But she's fast," said John, who felt Rodney was betraying his Atlantean allegiance.
Dr. Daniel Jackson said, "But as a mating ritual, would it be more favorable for him to prove his prowess by beating her, or to submit to her dominance?"
Colonel Sam Carter said, "Huh, interesting. But if I were her, I'd be pissed if I thought he threw the match."
Daniel said, "Well, if she wasn't skilled enough to beat him fairly, it would probably revert to the model of the man proving his strength to the woman to show he could be a worthy provider." Sam started to protest this idea as caveman ideology, but Daniel went on, "I'm just saying that if she is skilled enough, Teal'c might, ah, lose gracefully, rather than be stubborn about it."
Elizabeth said, "I think she'll beat him whether he wants to lose or not."
John said, "Hell, yeah. Thank you."
To John's eye, the fight did go fairly, no quarter given on account of hotness. But he did wonder, when Teyla straddled Teal'c's waist, yanking his arm up behind him, whether Teal'c surrendered because she had him, about to twist his elbow out of joint, or becase she was a very pretty lady and was riding his ass.