It's hard! I haven't yet turned up a specific example in my back catalog, but I have a suspicion I react differently to people assuming a convince-me "no" depending on who's doing the assuming. So it's possible I'm using "I'm not writing it" differently with different people. And my journal audience include both people I chat with regularly that I might be using a familiar "convince-me" no with and people I don't talk to everyday for whom I'm using a polite-softened but absolute "no." IT IS POSSIBLE I AM DOING THAT, WHICH WOULD JUST CONFUSE EVERYONE.
The more I look at my chat logs, the more I think that what I am actually most frequently doing is reserving the right to change my mind? Like, I might say "I am not writing this" and mean it. And then start plotting it with a friend, and not react badly to my friend plotting back because I started plotting it. And then when the friend says "so you're writing this, right?" it's an acceptable check-in of whether I changed my mind, since I've been displaying further interest, rather than unacceptable pressure/persuasion when I initially say no.
So, like:
1. When I say I won't write something, I mean it. Even if I say it humorously, no still means no. 2. I reserve the right to change my mind. 3. My right to change my mind does not give you the right to try to change my mind for me, unless I invite you to by saying "convince me" or start talking to you about the details of the thing I'm not writing. 4. Even if I start spinning details on a plotbunny, I don't have to write it. You can ask me, but you don't get to expect it from me: I still get to say no.
I don't think any of that is unreasonable, but I do see where there are spaces for cultural misunderstanding.
ETA: Heh, I have found a specific example in my chat logs of "I'm not writing this. Let's plot it!" "So you're writing it now, right?" "Nope, still not writing it! Milk this chat for all it's worth. More plotting?" Hilariously, it was also an abused/slave Tony badfic remix I didn't want to write. MY ISSUES WITH CONSENT, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM. I continue to want to fix all the "consent is absent from this scenario" fic, but not actually write it, because AUGH I FEEL UNCLEAN.
Re: Last extra comment, honest.
The more I look at my chat logs, the more I think that what I am actually most frequently doing is reserving the right to change my mind? Like, I might say "I am not writing this" and mean it. And then start plotting it with a friend, and not react badly to my friend plotting back because I started plotting it. And then when the friend says "so you're writing this, right?" it's an acceptable check-in of whether I changed my mind, since I've been displaying further interest, rather than unacceptable pressure/persuasion when I initially say no.
So, like:
1. When I say I won't write something, I mean it. Even if I say it humorously, no still means no.
2. I reserve the right to change my mind.
3. My right to change my mind does not give you the right to try to change my mind for me, unless I invite you to by saying "convince me" or start talking to you about the details of the thing I'm not writing.
4. Even if I start spinning details on a plotbunny, I don't have to write it. You can ask me, but you don't get to expect it from me: I still get to say no.
I don't think any of that is unreasonable, but I do see where there are spaces for cultural misunderstanding.
ETA: Heh, I have found a specific example in my chat logs of "I'm not writing this. Let's plot it!" "So you're writing it now, right?" "Nope, still not writing it! Milk this chat for all it's worth. More plotting?" Hilariously, it was also an abused/slave Tony badfic remix I didn't want to write. MY ISSUES WITH CONSENT, LET ME SHOW YOU THEM. I continue to want to fix all the "consent is absent from this scenario" fic, but not actually write it, because AUGH I FEEL UNCLEAN.