I'm so sorry

[jmtorres]

juls: *reading fanfic* Sometimes metaphors are just painful.
niq: nay, tortured?
juls: "Steve's dick is like a brand against his hip, desire a burning coal in his belly."

I don't remember how large swathes of this conversation even WENT, we were laughing so hard. But I do know I noted that the first half could have been okay except for the second half, that was just too much fire, and if dicks were on fire I didn't want them anywhere near me. niq went to the smell of burning flesh place and I replied that bbq was not sexy and she asked, "What about bbq sauce?" which. Look you have to know us, okay. Oh my god. What was that *even.*

Anyway, that is a sexual experience I want no part of, and I am trying to figure out if I can ignore that sentence and read the rest of the fic or if I just need to stop now and cut my losses.

ETA: This, I think this is the relevant link. Either that explains everything or nothing about us, I can't even tell.

Comments

[dreamatdrew]

BBQ Sauce is NOT LUBE!

[azurelunatic]

It's likely to have new and exciting bad descriptions. Consider the waves of boiling semen that may derail in or near someone's love tunnel.

[heavenscalyx]

Really, this would be a much more appropriate description if the fandom were Fantastic Four. But there is nothing sexy about any of the Fantastic Four, absolutely nothing at all, and the Human Torch is the worst of the lot.

(The original Human Torch could be interesting, though, being an android and all that. Oh! And he had a similarly burny sidekick named Toro! There we go, some seriously Hot Action.)

[jmtorres]

No, no it is not.

[jmtorres]

But it's Steve/Tony I haven't read!

[jmtorres]

*sigh* And they cast such pretty people (and did such terrible things to some of them....)

[azurelunatic]

It's also got to have some truly awful metaphors you still haven't read.

I've never heard of using barbecue sauce, but . . .

[cimadness.livejournal.com]

In addition to being used as a dog treat, pizzles are also eaten by humans for their health benefits such as being low in cholesterol and high in protein, hormones, vitamins and minerals such as calcium and magnesium.[2]. Pizzles for human consumption are prepared either by freezing or by drying. Scottish deer pizzles are thought to boost stamina and were used by Chinese athletes at the 2008 Summer Olympics.[2][5] Pizzles can be served in soup, and if they have been dried they can be turned into a paste. Pizzles may also be mixed with alcoholic beverages or simply thawed (if frozen) and eaten. [2] In Jamaica, bull pizzles are referred to as "cow cods" and are eaten as cow cod soup. Like many pizzle-based foods, cow cod soup is claimed to be a male aphrodisiac. (from the Wikipedia article for "pizzle."

And now you know.