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Juls, outcast of fandom
I should really, really be writing a paper right now! Or at least doing research? And instead, I am plotty fic in my head. But not just any fic, no. Enterprise fic. Which I rightfully suspect no one will read and if anyone does read it, no one will admit to it. Oh Enterprise, you unacceptable racial epithet step-child of Trek canon.
So the other week I was tossing around the idea of what trashy Vulcan romance novels would be. Since Vulcans so wouldn't do that kind of thing the same way, or in any way recognizable to other species as being trashy romances. I decided they would look rather like Homeric epics, all about the sacrifices one makes for deep, pure friendship (oh Achilles and Patrocolus, never change) with no explicit sexy bits, just you know, things that skate the border of being icky emotions like loyalty and stuff. (Oh, but there's also a whole subgenre of pre-Enlightenment historical fiction that legitimately delves into the icky emotions! Although of course the leads rise above such nonsense with the purity of their bond, and if they don't, they die tragically as is only just.) And so uh. I've been writing, in my head, the trashy Vulcan Homeric epic of Archer and T'Pol. I watch episodes and blank verse happens in my head. (They actually get ahold of the thing to read at one point? Hoshi translates it. There's... mockery.)
And then there's actual fic set in the universe rather than written in the universe. PS, lalala, vast tracts of the series didn't happen because the whole thing was a holonovel, and while I'll get around to watching it eventually, I sort of DENYYYY the Trip/T'Pol. In my head there is Archer/T'Pol, with a side order of Trip. But so! Archer and T'Pol are you know, developing what he thinks is a good, solid, working relationship, she's still a little frosty but they're on the way to being friends, he can trust her, etc. And out of the blue one day T'Pol says she has observed humans have sex to strengthen relationships and they should do that, since it would be culturally meaningful for him. Oh, but this is the hilarious bit: this does not lead directly to sexing. Archer is like, "Buh! Too fast!" and his pitch is they could, uh, build trust by sleeping together without sexing. (Trip is like, "Oh my god, you're already married.") So they do that. And Archer wakes up with the I AM SLEEPING WITH A HOT GIRL reaction and sort of dumbly asks if sex is still on the table and T'Pol replies that as they are building trust, they should hold to their word: they will sleep together without sexing this time. Putting aside various miscommunications it eventually comes out that Archer is opposed to the exchange going, as T'Pol originally pitched it, "We should have sex," "Okay then," because he thinks it should be romantically spontaneous, not planned. T'Pol kind of dot dot dots at him and eventually says, "So you want to have sex, and you would be happy to have sex with me during any off-duty, private time, except at a time of your choosing. Very well, I will choose." And to assuage his "omg don't say 'let's have sex' as an icebreaker" hang-up, they agree that she will notify him of sex times with kissing. And so Archer waits. And waits. And waits. And waits. Yes, she's totally doing that on purpose. I heart this plotbunny.
So the other week I was tossing around the idea of what trashy Vulcan romance novels would be. Since Vulcans so wouldn't do that kind of thing the same way, or in any way recognizable to other species as being trashy romances. I decided they would look rather like Homeric epics, all about the sacrifices one makes for deep, pure friendship (oh Achilles and Patrocolus, never change) with no explicit sexy bits, just you know, things that skate the border of being icky emotions like loyalty and stuff. (Oh, but there's also a whole subgenre of pre-Enlightenment historical fiction that legitimately delves into the icky emotions! Although of course the leads rise above such nonsense with the purity of their bond, and if they don't, they die tragically as is only just.) And so uh. I've been writing, in my head, the trashy Vulcan Homeric epic of Archer and T'Pol. I watch episodes and blank verse happens in my head. (They actually get ahold of the thing to read at one point? Hoshi translates it. There's... mockery.)
And then there's actual fic set in the universe rather than written in the universe. PS, lalala, vast tracts of the series didn't happen because the whole thing was a holonovel, and while I'll get around to watching it eventually, I sort of DENYYYY the Trip/T'Pol. In my head there is Archer/T'Pol, with a side order of Trip. But so! Archer and T'Pol are you know, developing what he thinks is a good, solid, working relationship, she's still a little frosty but they're on the way to being friends, he can trust her, etc. And out of the blue one day T'Pol says she has observed humans have sex to strengthen relationships and they should do that, since it would be culturally meaningful for him. Oh, but this is the hilarious bit: this does not lead directly to sexing. Archer is like, "Buh! Too fast!" and his pitch is they could, uh, build trust by sleeping together without sexing. (Trip is like, "Oh my god, you're already married.") So they do that. And Archer wakes up with the I AM SLEEPING WITH A HOT GIRL reaction and sort of dumbly asks if sex is still on the table and T'Pol replies that as they are building trust, they should hold to their word: they will sleep together without sexing this time. Putting aside various miscommunications it eventually comes out that Archer is opposed to the exchange going, as T'Pol originally pitched it, "We should have sex," "Okay then," because he thinks it should be romantically spontaneous, not planned. T'Pol kind of dot dot dots at him and eventually says, "So you want to have sex, and you would be happy to have sex with me during any off-duty, private time, except at a time of your choosing. Very well, I will choose." And to assuage his "omg don't say 'let's have sex' as an icebreaker" hang-up, they agree that she will notify him of sex times with kissing. And so Archer waits. And waits. And waits. And waits. Yes, she's totally doing that on purpose. I heart this plotbunny.
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This? Is great.
Oh, the IDEA of trashy Vulcan romance novels? HEE!
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Also, you know, I'm over here in the corner with the PLOTTY Enterprise bunny.
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But you knew that.
Of course, I'm rooting for the Vulcan style They Have Heroic (And thinly veiled full of squishy loyalty and trust-filled) Hero Pair Adventures type parts. Because that is what makes them awesome.
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You realize, don't you, that the amazing adventures of Captain Dirk and Commander Spack are so the most populare telenovela on the Vulcan holonet? T'Pring filed the serial numbers off the official Federation records and is the most successful vid producer on the planet.
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Especially the trashy homeric epic part and the vulcans quietly facepalming. :D
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Trip/T'Pol is only the second canon couple I've ever shipped (first is Gambit/Rouge). I think the main reason is I love Trip and hate Bakula as Archer (he just doesn't do it for me). Although I would go for a happy threesome, but I'm afraid my mind would throw it to Archer, Trip and Malcolm.
Damn it now I want to watch Enterprise.