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silly meta WK fic.
So once upon a time, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stariceling and I were talking about how Schwarz gets to kidnap members of Weiß and have sex with them all the damn time. It's practically a genre of Weiß Kreuz fiction. We decided this simply wasn't fair to Weiß. Weiß needed the opportunity to kidnap and have sex with Schwarz all the damn time, too.
And this story was born.
Role Reversal byjmtorres
"I'm bored." Yoji dramatically flung himself back on the couch, arms outstretched as if crucified. Or possibly as if he were planning on molesting anyone who dared to sit down next to him.
"It has been kind of quiet lately," Ken agreed.
At his computer, Omi felt his posture go stiff. Surely they wouldn't. Not again.
"I wish we hadn't sent Schuldig home," Yoji said morosely. "He was fun."
"If you want to be the one trying to keep him quiet in the closet while Manx keeps asking where you are," Aya said, "then fine."
Yoji snickered. Ken asked, "How did you get him to shut up?"
"I put something in his mouth," Aya answered calmly.
Omi's back was forming tension knots as he tried not to react. He glanced sidelong at Ken. At least Ken was blushing, too.
Then Ken said, "Maybe we should kidnap him again."
Damn them. Damn them all.
"Nah, we can't play favorites like that," said Yoji. "Let's kidnap Crawford this week."
"Alright," said Aya. "I'm up for that."
Ken leaned over to punch Omi lightly on the shoulder. "You wanna email your boyfriend and ask where we can find Crawford today?"
"He's NOT my boyfriend!" Omi protested. Just because everyone else had decided Nagi was too young for them when they'd kidnapped him didn't mean he was Omi's boyfriend. It was a purely abductorial relationship.
---
A few blocks over at Casa Schwarz, Brad Crawford was having a vision.
"The Weiß kittens want to have sex again," he told his team.
"Ooh, ooh, can I go?" Schuldig asked brightly.
"You went last time," Nagi pointed out without looking up from his laptop.
"They're coming for me," Crawford replied. He was already efficiently packing his overnight bag. He expected to be gone for more than one night, but didn't plan on needing more than one extra outfit. You tended not to be clothed much when Weiß abducted you.
"The fridge is stocked for a few days... make sure you eat the sushi tonight, though; if you let Farfarello have it tomorrow, he'll get sick on the carpet," Crawford warned Schuldig. He ran a hand through his hair, sorting through what else he needed to mention before leaving Schwarz on their own. "Don't forget to do the laundry. Stay out of downtown on Thursday; there's going to be an accident with eighteen cars and a semi. It's going to rain on Friday, so make Nagi take his umbrella to school. Be careful on the job on Saturday."
"Why? Is anything going to happen?" Schuldig asked, handing Crawford his suit jacket.
"Nothing that I can see, but if you let that make you complacent, something almost certainly will," Crawford replied, shrugging into the jacket.
"Fine. We'll be careful," Schuldig promised. "You're really gonna be gone all week?"
"I'll call if I need early pick-up. Keep your mind open for me?" Crawford asked.
"Sure thing." Schuldig kissed him lightly and said with cheerful mockery, "Have a good time, dear!"
Nagi's computer pinged. He sarcastically reported, "Omi has sent me a completely non-suspicious email politely inquiring where you're going to be this afternoon, Crawford."
"Tell him I'm heading for the park," Crawford said.
---
"What took you so long?" Crawford asked. He'd been sitting on a bench for half an hour when Weiß finally arrived.
Yoji glared at him. "Could you at least pretend we're taking you by force?"
"Sure," Crawford said, pulling his gun out of his jacket.
Yoji's wire shot out. Crawford had foreseen that coming, but let Yoji yank the gun out of his hand. Omi picked it up from where it landed on the sidewalk.
"Oh, no, I've been disarmed," Crawford declared dramatically. "Whatever shall I do?"
Aya swooped in behind him, sliding his blade under Crawford's chin. "Get up. Slowly."
Crawford did. Aya maneuvered around the bench so he could stand right behind Crawford. That was fun. He wriggled his ass against Aya's groin. "Careful," said Aya, still holding the katana to his throat. "You wouldn't want me to slip."
"Could somebody grab my duffel?" Crawford requested.
"I hope it's not as heavy as Schuldig's," Ken complained, coming over to the bench to pick it up.
"It's not," said Crawford. "I didn't bring my own toys."
---
Omi stared at Crawford with wide eyes and a trembling lip. It was an act, but an act he used regularly in everyday life, not just when they were pretending to have kidnapped perfectly willing enemy assassins, so it was nearly sincere.
Fully aware that this was a case of the pot calling the kettle Schwarz, Omi asked, "Don't you want to be a good person?"
"Oh, please," Crawford said, loosening his tie and pulling it over his head. "Can we skip to the sex already?" He threw the tie at Ken. Ken fumbled the catch, blushing hard.
"Fine by me," Yoji said, peeling his shirt off.
"Yoji," Aya said coldly. "We can't just give him what he wants. He must repent his sins."
Omi was never entirely certain if Aya was kidding around, or if he was secretly invested in the role he played in these games. Either way, it was thrilling to watch.
"Or what? You'll spank me?" Crawford asked.
Aya reached into the pockets of his mission coat and retrieved a pair of black leather gloves. As he put them on, finger by finger, he said, "If you deserve it. Have you been a bad boy, Crawford-san?"
Crawford grinned broadly. "I've been a very bad boy."
---
On Friday morning, while Omi was at school and the rest of Weiß were down in the shop, Crawford Houdini'd his way out of the chains that had kept him shackled to Yoji's cast-iron bed frame. With his hands free, the ankle restraints were a cinch.
Crawford considered hanging around just for the hell of it, but when he realized the door was unlocked, he knew he had to make his escape, just to teach Weiß a lesson about being lazy with their prisoners.
~Schuldig!~ Crawford concentrated, hoping Schuldig was listening.
~Yeah?~
~Jailbreak.~
~Right now? I'm kicking Farf's ass at Scrabble.~
Crawford sighed. ~Can't it wait 'til I'm home?~
~He'll move all the tiles while I'm gone,~ Schuldig complained. ~And they won't even spell anything.~
Crawford sighed. He'd do anything for his team, really he would, and they'd do anything for him, but when it came right down to it, they were batshit insane.
No wonder they all liked to vacation with Weiß now and again. At least it was a different brand of insanity, and the sex was always good.
Crawford pulled his overnight bag out from under the bed and started to get dressed.
---
"It was awful! They wanted me to turn good!!" Crawford said. He was curled up on the couch with Schuldig, head on Schuldig's shoulder. Schuldig pulled his glasses off gently and dabbed at his cheek with a spare bandana.
"Poor baby," Schuldig said. "Daddy Schu will make it all better." He kissed Crawford gently. "Did they hurt you? Tell Daddy Schu where they hurt you."
"Aya spanked me," Crawford said petulantly.
"Aw," said Schuldig, petting his rear. "Does this make it feel better?"
This was when Nagi walked in, neatly folding his umbrella. He took one look at them and demanded, "Why do you have to do this in the living room?"
"Brad doesn't feel safe in the bedroom. Do you, baby," Schuldig crooned.
Nagi groaned. "This is stupid."
"It's a necessary part of recovering from the trauma of being kidnapped!" Schuldig retorted. Then he blinked. "Hey! Get over here. You didn't let Daddy Schu make it all better when you were kidnapped the other week."
"I'm not suffering from post-traumatic stress," Nagi insisted.
"Yes, you are," Schuldig informed him. "You're repressing. Sit down and cuddle. Only sex can mend your broken psyche!"
"They didn't break me," Nagi grumbled. "Frustrated, yes. Broke, no."
"Aw," said Schuldig, slightly more sincerely. "Aya still won't look twice at you?"
"No," Nagi admitted, sighing.
"Aya spanked me," Crawford told him smugly. "With the gloves."
"And now Daddy Schu's gonna make it all better," said Schuldig. "Wanna help?"
"I hate you both," said Nagi. "Go to hell."
~fin
stariceling and I were talking about how Schwarz gets to kidnap members of Weiß and have sex with them all the damn time. It's practically a genre of Weiß Kreuz fiction. We decided this simply wasn't fair to Weiß. Weiß needed the opportunity to kidnap and have sex with Schwarz all the damn time, too.And this story was born.
Role Reversal by
jmtorres"I'm bored." Yoji dramatically flung himself back on the couch, arms outstretched as if crucified. Or possibly as if he were planning on molesting anyone who dared to sit down next to him.
"It has been kind of quiet lately," Ken agreed.
At his computer, Omi felt his posture go stiff. Surely they wouldn't. Not again.
"I wish we hadn't sent Schuldig home," Yoji said morosely. "He was fun."
"If you want to be the one trying to keep him quiet in the closet while Manx keeps asking where you are," Aya said, "then fine."
Yoji snickered. Ken asked, "How did you get him to shut up?"
"I put something in his mouth," Aya answered calmly.
Omi's back was forming tension knots as he tried not to react. He glanced sidelong at Ken. At least Ken was blushing, too.
Then Ken said, "Maybe we should kidnap him again."
Damn them. Damn them all.
"Nah, we can't play favorites like that," said Yoji. "Let's kidnap Crawford this week."
"Alright," said Aya. "I'm up for that."
Ken leaned over to punch Omi lightly on the shoulder. "You wanna email your boyfriend and ask where we can find Crawford today?"
"He's NOT my boyfriend!" Omi protested. Just because everyone else had decided Nagi was too young for them when they'd kidnapped him didn't mean he was Omi's boyfriend. It was a purely abductorial relationship.
---
A few blocks over at Casa Schwarz, Brad Crawford was having a vision.
"The Weiß kittens want to have sex again," he told his team.
"Ooh, ooh, can I go?" Schuldig asked brightly.
"You went last time," Nagi pointed out without looking up from his laptop.
"They're coming for me," Crawford replied. He was already efficiently packing his overnight bag. He expected to be gone for more than one night, but didn't plan on needing more than one extra outfit. You tended not to be clothed much when Weiß abducted you.
"The fridge is stocked for a few days... make sure you eat the sushi tonight, though; if you let Farfarello have it tomorrow, he'll get sick on the carpet," Crawford warned Schuldig. He ran a hand through his hair, sorting through what else he needed to mention before leaving Schwarz on their own. "Don't forget to do the laundry. Stay out of downtown on Thursday; there's going to be an accident with eighteen cars and a semi. It's going to rain on Friday, so make Nagi take his umbrella to school. Be careful on the job on Saturday."
"Why? Is anything going to happen?" Schuldig asked, handing Crawford his suit jacket.
"Nothing that I can see, but if you let that make you complacent, something almost certainly will," Crawford replied, shrugging into the jacket.
"Fine. We'll be careful," Schuldig promised. "You're really gonna be gone all week?"
"I'll call if I need early pick-up. Keep your mind open for me?" Crawford asked.
"Sure thing." Schuldig kissed him lightly and said with cheerful mockery, "Have a good time, dear!"
Nagi's computer pinged. He sarcastically reported, "Omi has sent me a completely non-suspicious email politely inquiring where you're going to be this afternoon, Crawford."
"Tell him I'm heading for the park," Crawford said.
---
"What took you so long?" Crawford asked. He'd been sitting on a bench for half an hour when Weiß finally arrived.
Yoji glared at him. "Could you at least pretend we're taking you by force?"
"Sure," Crawford said, pulling his gun out of his jacket.
Yoji's wire shot out. Crawford had foreseen that coming, but let Yoji yank the gun out of his hand. Omi picked it up from where it landed on the sidewalk.
"Oh, no, I've been disarmed," Crawford declared dramatically. "Whatever shall I do?"
Aya swooped in behind him, sliding his blade under Crawford's chin. "Get up. Slowly."
Crawford did. Aya maneuvered around the bench so he could stand right behind Crawford. That was fun. He wriggled his ass against Aya's groin. "Careful," said Aya, still holding the katana to his throat. "You wouldn't want me to slip."
"Could somebody grab my duffel?" Crawford requested.
"I hope it's not as heavy as Schuldig's," Ken complained, coming over to the bench to pick it up.
"It's not," said Crawford. "I didn't bring my own toys."
---
Omi stared at Crawford with wide eyes and a trembling lip. It was an act, but an act he used regularly in everyday life, not just when they were pretending to have kidnapped perfectly willing enemy assassins, so it was nearly sincere.
Fully aware that this was a case of the pot calling the kettle Schwarz, Omi asked, "Don't you want to be a good person?"
"Oh, please," Crawford said, loosening his tie and pulling it over his head. "Can we skip to the sex already?" He threw the tie at Ken. Ken fumbled the catch, blushing hard.
"Fine by me," Yoji said, peeling his shirt off.
"Yoji," Aya said coldly. "We can't just give him what he wants. He must repent his sins."
Omi was never entirely certain if Aya was kidding around, or if he was secretly invested in the role he played in these games. Either way, it was thrilling to watch.
"Or what? You'll spank me?" Crawford asked.
Aya reached into the pockets of his mission coat and retrieved a pair of black leather gloves. As he put them on, finger by finger, he said, "If you deserve it. Have you been a bad boy, Crawford-san?"
Crawford grinned broadly. "I've been a very bad boy."
---
On Friday morning, while Omi was at school and the rest of Weiß were down in the shop, Crawford Houdini'd his way out of the chains that had kept him shackled to Yoji's cast-iron bed frame. With his hands free, the ankle restraints were a cinch.
Crawford considered hanging around just for the hell of it, but when he realized the door was unlocked, he knew he had to make his escape, just to teach Weiß a lesson about being lazy with their prisoners.
~Schuldig!~ Crawford concentrated, hoping Schuldig was listening.
~Yeah?~
~Jailbreak.~
~Right now? I'm kicking Farf's ass at Scrabble.~
Crawford sighed. ~Can't it wait 'til I'm home?~
~He'll move all the tiles while I'm gone,~ Schuldig complained. ~And they won't even spell anything.~
Crawford sighed. He'd do anything for his team, really he would, and they'd do anything for him, but when it came right down to it, they were batshit insane.
No wonder they all liked to vacation with Weiß now and again. At least it was a different brand of insanity, and the sex was always good.
Crawford pulled his overnight bag out from under the bed and started to get dressed.
---
"It was awful! They wanted me to turn good!!" Crawford said. He was curled up on the couch with Schuldig, head on Schuldig's shoulder. Schuldig pulled his glasses off gently and dabbed at his cheek with a spare bandana.
"Poor baby," Schuldig said. "Daddy Schu will make it all better." He kissed Crawford gently. "Did they hurt you? Tell Daddy Schu where they hurt you."
"Aya spanked me," Crawford said petulantly.
"Aw," said Schuldig, petting his rear. "Does this make it feel better?"
This was when Nagi walked in, neatly folding his umbrella. He took one look at them and demanded, "Why do you have to do this in the living room?"
"Brad doesn't feel safe in the bedroom. Do you, baby," Schuldig crooned.
Nagi groaned. "This is stupid."
"It's a necessary part of recovering from the trauma of being kidnapped!" Schuldig retorted. Then he blinked. "Hey! Get over here. You didn't let Daddy Schu make it all better when you were kidnapped the other week."
"I'm not suffering from post-traumatic stress," Nagi insisted.
"Yes, you are," Schuldig informed him. "You're repressing. Sit down and cuddle. Only sex can mend your broken psyche!"
"They didn't break me," Nagi grumbled. "Frustrated, yes. Broke, no."
"Aw," said Schuldig, slightly more sincerely. "Aya still won't look twice at you?"
"No," Nagi admitted, sighing.
"Aya spanked me," Crawford told him smugly. "With the gloves."
"And now Daddy Schu's gonna make it all better," said Schuldig. "Wanna help?"
"I hate you both," said Nagi. "Go to hell."
~fin
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