jmtorres: (raising the dead)
jmtorres ([personal profile] jmtorres) wrote2006-02-15 02:04 am

daily writing (FMA)

Roy/*cough* fuckupedness. Post episode 25. NC-17. 950 words.

When Maes shows up on Roy's doorstep, Roy gapes at him, mouth open like a fish.

"Hello, Roy," says Maes, glasses glinting. "Miss me?"

"Dreaming," Roy mutters.

"Not dreaming," Maes answers, reaching out to touch Roy's face.

Roy takes a step back, catching Maes's wrist. It proves the point anyway: Maes is real enough to touch. "Who raised you?" Roy asks. "I wanted to--I would have--I'm sorry it wasn't me. I'm sorry," and unexpectly, he hiccups a sob in the middle of this.

"Doesn't matter," says Maes, oozing in, sharing the doorway. "I'm here now."

"Fuck," Roy says to Maes's throat. He's still holding Maes's wrist, clutching it almost, between their bodies, and Maes's other arm is firm around his shoulders, holding him close.

"Yeah," says Maes. "You wanna?"

Roy starts laughing at this, hysterical grief, shuddering against his Maes's chest, and Maes shoves into the flat and kicks the door shut behind them. Maes pushes him against the wall, both hands on his neck, his jaw, and kisses him. Roy's not laughing now--shaking, not laughing. Maes doesn't have to coax to get Roy to kiss him back, Roy is already kissing him back, desperately, barely breathing in his focus.

When Maes pulls back a few inches, Roy says, "Yes, yes, I want to." Maes laughs, because he's already unbuckling bits of Roy's uniform.

"I have a bed," says Roy, as he loses his pants.

"Here's good," Maes says, pinning him against the wall again, weight against his hips, nuzzle at his neck.

"The bed's better," says Roy, pushing back. He's almost surprised when Maes gives.

In the bed, they fuck, Roy on his back, legs in the air, Maes between them, inside him, bent over him. Roy lets him get in, get comfortable, get going, before he says, "Is this how you killed him, wearing the face of someone he loved?"

Roy brings Maes to a halt with the question, deep, Roy's legs straining. Maes says, breathless, surprised, amused, "When did you know?"

Roy traces the tattoo on Maes's thigh. He can barely see it from this angle but he knows it's there. "When you kissed me," he says. "That was a tactical move, not a sentimental one. Maes would have gone home to his wife. You came to me to find out what I know--what he told me."

"And you let me fuck you," Maes says. "Your lover's killer." It pleases him.

"Are you going to kill me, now?" Roy asks. He is not afraid.

Maes studies him, lips parted. "You'd like that," he decides. Strokes Roy's hair, bends Roy damn near in half to kiss him on the forehead. "It'll wait," Maes whispers, leaning over him. Roy shudders, turns his head, but he doesn't try to escape.

After a moment, Maes straightens his back, pulls up enough for leverage, to thrust, to fuck. It takes Roy a moment to make himself look up and watch, but he does, watches his face, his shoulders, the ripples in his stomach, and shouldn't there be a scar there, at least, to mark the bullet that killed him?

"Whose face were you wearing?" Roy asks, and it's enough to make Maes stop again, look at him, head tilted.

"You want to hear it's you," Maes tells him. "You want me to say it was your face that made him hesitate, your heart he couldn't put a knife in. You'd hate yourself for it, to think you were the weakness that got him killed, but you still want it to be true, want to be wanted that way." Maes grins at him, leaning low. "It wasn't. It was her."

Leaning just low enough for Roy to grab him by the arms, by the hair. "Don't you ever," he says, "don't you do this to her, don't you touch her--never go near her, do you hear me?"

"I hear you," Maes says, in a way that sounds like a threat.

Roy's got his legs locked around Maes's waist, his arms around his neck. "Not for her," he says, maybe too late, but maybe it's salvageable. "This is pure selfishness. She had him all these years but you, you're mine."

"Whatever you say, Roy," says Maes, flippant, casually cruel.

"Say it," says Roy, flexing his body.

Maes groans.

"Say you're mine," Roy insists.

"Fuck you," says Maes, his fingers clawing at Roy's hips, pulling out a bare inch, thrusting back.

Roy gets his legs that extra inch tighter, and says, "Mine."

Maes's eyes, purple through his glasses, look wild. "Yours," he says.

Roy believes him. Some words have power.

Roy loosens up his grip, and lets Maes fuck him until he comes, and collapses on top of Roy, gasping weight pinning him flat.

"Mine," Roy repeats, fingers in Maes's hair, teasing out that one long strand from the center of his forehead.

Maes stays.

In the morning, Roy makes breakfast on the stove. He says, getting his ingredients out, "Do you eat?"

Maes says, "Why wouldn't I?"

Roy says, "Because you're not human."

There is a silence, and when Maes speaks, he sounds angry. He sounds dangerous. He is right behind Roy, speaking into his neck, but not touching. He says, "I eat."

Roy nods and answers, "I hope you like oatmeal."

And then there is touch, Maes's arms wrapped around Roy's middle, scruffy-faced kiss to his shoulder.

Mine, thinks Roy, thinks it is like owning a lion, and wonders how much his this thing can be, that Roy didn't raise, that isn't even who it looks like, that is waiting for the moment to kill him, when it's decided he's no longer enough of a plaything.

But everything wants to be wanted--it told him itself, when he asked it what face it was wearing that night, and it told him why he was asking. And Roy doesn't have to try that hard to want it, when it's wearing this face.

It makes a very pretty Maes.

[identity profile] lemmealone.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 09:24 am (UTC)(link)
Nng...

I need to go and... something. Ouch and also pretty but ouch. Yeah.

*fuck*

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 09:27 am (UTC)(link)
I need to go and... something.

VDA. (vague dramatic action.) I know all about that one.

*pets*

I know. I'm a cruel, evil person.

[identity profile] tsu.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 09:46 am (UTC)(link)
Ooohhh, my brain, oh, my poor brain...

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 09:50 am (UTC)(link)
Is it off with my brain hiding in a corner somewhere?

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[identity profile] quick2anger.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 10:54 am (UTC)(link)
That was GOOD. ♥

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 01:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!

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Re: I lose.

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may i?

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Re: may i?

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Re: may i?

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[identity profile] haicrescendo.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:03 am (UTC)(link)
That was incredibly vindictive. I love it.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 01:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh, heh, heh.

[identity profile] furiouscupofcat.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:22 am (UTC)(link)
Oh DAMN, Roy is fucked up in the head *wibbles*. I'm surprised Envy didn't kill him at climax or something - it's the sort of thing he'd do. But yeah, the fact that Roy can get any sort of satisfaction out of being with a carbon copy of Maes is just frightening.

Well done. You rock. *hugs*

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 01:24 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm surprised Envy didn't kill him at climax or something - it's the sort of thing he'd do.

Envy does so want to be wanted--by someone who knows what he is, no less. It's kind of novel, having someone recognize him for a liar and claim him anyway.

He's probably gonna get *real* tired of looking like Hughes pretty soon, though. The real test of this relationship *cough* is if Roy can will hold on through assorted transformations.

But yeah, the fact that Roy can get any sort of satisfaction out of being with a carbon copy of Maes is just frightening.

Roy: *CLING* Not him. Don't care. Miss him. fuck.

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[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 01:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

[identity profile] crack-alchemist.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:52 am (UTC)(link)
i hear the springs in roy's mind snapping somewhere in the distance...

very good!

XD

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 01:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Roy: Sanity? Who needs sanity? I understand Fullmetal's been getting along fine without it for years.

[identity profile] chrstphrl.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. Just Wow. Wonderful and disturbing too. Great job.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 03:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.

[identity profile] ponderosa121.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 02:22 pm (UTC)(link)
omgsqueal. i have this mash of thoughts about this that its either too early or I'm too giddy to even try and arrange them in any sort of coherent manner. i believe it's broken down primarily in the guh, hotwrong, and omg envy you delicious bastard categories. also, it never fails to be dslkfjslkrj inducing when roy is doing something Wrong because he's selfish or needy. *flail*

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
i believe it's broken down primarily in the guh, hotwrong, and omg envy you delicious bastard categories.

I broke my beta/audiencer a few times. She said she had to sit in the freezer and cool off. Then I teased her for being a perv despite being the person whose brain *produced* this.

*grin*

also, it never fails to be dslkfjslkrj inducing when roy is doing something Wrong because he's selfish or needy. *flail*

Roy's id and superego are in constant conflict.

Superego: Wrongness! Badness! You are a bad person! Go angst and feel bad about yourself!
Id: *whimper* But! Want!

[identity profile] purkledragon.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 02:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh well Fuck! *wonders if there should be other punctuation in that sentence and decides no, it's right*

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh. Like story, like feedback?

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scribblemoose: image of moose with pen and paper (Default)

[personal profile] scribblemoose 2006-02-15 02:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Fantastic. ^____^ There's something really fresh and new about it that I really like.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)
There's something really fresh and new about it that I really like.

New take on an old idea? (Because I was totally *cough* inspired by doujinshi. I mean, the fuckedness in Roy's head, and Envy's, my own brain produced, but the Roy/Hughes!Envy pairing in general? From looking at things [livejournal.com profile] ponderosa121 scanned. It is all her fault, somehow.)

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[identity profile] aoshi-sama.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
yea it's such a twisted view on a very rarely used idea. My mind was like 'no stop reading, it's not right, dont fuck him anymore roy!' and i'm like 'can't stop reading, so screwed up, need to finish fic, need more'
Internal battle, yea...
Awsome fic!

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
My mind was like 'no stop reading, it's not right, dont fuck him anymore roy!' and i'm like 'can't stop reading, so screwed up, need to finish fic, need more'

Dude, I have this problem every time I read sinfic. Like, sex with anybody and a sin is either a) noncon or b) just really fucked up.

Didn't expect to end up writing it.

Awsome fic!

Thanks!

[identity profile] keelieinblack.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
This was the first thing I read this morning.

...thanks for making me have a cold shower instead of a hot one! Because, guh and nnng. [still a perv]

Hey, does Envy still have those nifty get-Roy's-pants-off-while-leaving-his-boots-on powers?

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, does Envy still have those nifty get-Roy's-pants-off-while-leaving-his-boots-on powers?

No, no he doesn't. Roy was not wearing boots when he showed up. Shut up.


...thanks for making me have a cold shower instead of a hot one! Because, guh and nnng. [still a perv]

Heee.

You could write a VSD and say "Still a perv!" every entry. *G*

[identity profile] sennen-cuff.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 06:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Ouch. My poor, poor brain. 'Tis dead. Dead dead dead Dead. But in a good way.

I can picture that happening, but I think that's cause I have an insane fetish for a lonely, wanted Envy. You have officially made my day //grins//

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I can picture that happening, but I think that's cause I have an insane fetish for a lonely, wanted Envy.

*pets the envy*

See, the thing I feel about Envy is, he had the potential to be really close to human, like Wrath, because the original version of him died as an infant and so nobody should have gone, "Well, you're not REALLY so-and-so, you don't act like him at all!" Because, no basis for comparison. If Envy's stupid parents had just, you know, loved him, and possibly also not fed him red stone, then he would not be as fucked up as he is.

And if he could just find someone to love him now...

The potential for humanity in the homunculi reeeeaaally fascinates me.

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[identity profile] mattador.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 07:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooooooooooooooooooh.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee.

I considered sitting on it for the ficathon but then decided it wasn't quite in the spirit.

Besides, no one had submitted a request for which it fit. *G*

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[identity profile] mistr3ssquickly.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. That was awesome, probably the best Envy-cosplaying-Hughes/Roy I've ever read. Congratulations on a wonderful take on the pairing.

Wah. Mindfuck. I have to go read it again.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
*grins* Thank you!

Wah. Mindfuck. I have to go read it again.

Heh. Does it taste different the second time around?

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[identity profile] aquanite.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
wow, this was amazing! I agree with the commenter before me, best hughes!envy and roy story i've read <3 totally awesome.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:01 pm (UTC)(link)
*grins* Thank you! Your superlatives make me blush.

[identity profile] nekonexus.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
That was incredibly well done. The suspension of disbelief for that moment of confusion, then the revelation that he knew, of course he knew, how could he not? Oh so perfectly timed to keep the reader as off-balance as Roy should have been.

Scarily enough, his reasoning makes perfect sense. ~_~ Yeah. Hello subconcious issues. :p I hope your brain recovers and comes out of hiding, although I do so enjoy the product of whatever its replacement was when you wrote this. ^_~

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Scarily enough, his reasoning makes perfect sense. ~_~

Now I'm really curious which which part of his reasoning you're refering to and if the subtext was showing at all.

Hello subconcious issues.

His or mine? *G*

I hope your brain recovers and comes out of hiding, although I do so enjoy the product of whatever its replacement was when you wrote this. ^_~

*snicker* If I was a guy I could say I was thinking with my other head, but what's the girly pun? I ask you.

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[identity profile] burningvigor.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Man, this was seriously well-done. Hughesmunculus tends to please me in general, but I loved how this was done. Gosh. Needy, selfish Roy really does please me. I'm glad you got around to writing this.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-15 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you got around to writing this.

Hmm? Hmm!

There is another story in my head, that's lived there for awhile, in which Roy actually makes a pretty good go at raising Hughes. A real Hughesmunculus, as opposed to Envy being naughty.

This one popped into my head out of nowhere (and possibly doujinshi) last night.

But thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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hughes: (Default)

[personal profile] hughes 2006-02-16 12:23 am (UTC)(link)
I think my icon says everything I need to. ;D Nice job!

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 12:28 am (UTC)(link)
Glad you like it!

[identity profile] kintail.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 12:23 am (UTC)(link)
Awesome. ♥ Into the memories it goes!

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
Aww! Thanks!

[identity profile] firebirdjones.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 01:31 am (UTC)(link)
Whoa... never expected it to be Envy of all people... er... homunculous? I imagined Envy killing Roy though, or Roy killing Envy when he relized that he wasn't the last person Hughes saw. Awesome job though!

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 11:11 am (UTC)(link)
I imagined Envy killing Roy though, or Roy killing Envy when he relized that he wasn't the last person Hughes saw.

Oh, but it's so much more fucked up if they let each other live, although, wow, jealousy issues for Roy?

Thanks! Glad you liked it.

[identity profile] inane-nana.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
This fic is vindictive love... *mems*

Thanks for sharing! <3

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 11:29 am (UTC)(link)
This fic is vindictive love...

Heh. Should there be colorbars?

Thanks for sharing!

You're welcome! Glad you liked it.

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[identity profile] missingwatch.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
oh, wow. beautifully fucked up, in that way i love and you do so well.

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you.

I think I'm going to hell. *G*

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[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_acerbitas_/ 2006-02-16 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
So beautifully sad! I really liked it. Thanks so much for posting! My first thought when your story started was: "What? What's post-ep25?" And then I was like...wow...oh...wow. It was so good!

[identity profile] jmtorres.livejournal.com 2006-02-16 11:40 am (UTC)(link)
"What? What's post-ep25?"

Hee. I recently had a conversation with my brother, who has seen all of FMA but in a marathon stretch and to be honest, I wasn't paying attention to episode numbers after around, um, 13, but I knew 25 already because I'd been spoiled rotten. Anyway, I told him I'd been vidding FMA episode 25 and had to go cry now, and

Bro: What's episode 25?
Me: ...
Bro: You expect me to know them all by number?
Me: It's episode 25! The one where Hughes died!
Bro: Oh, yeah? Well what's episode... 43 of Stargate?
Me: Hn. Near the end of season 2? That ought to be 1969, eh?
Bro: *whirls around to computer and looks it up* How did you DO that?

Proving that I am, in fact, a giant dork.

And then I was like...wow...oh...wow. It was so good!

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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