jmtorres: (organizing)
Lists are almost as good as doing things. Because lists help me figure out what to do.

house
--cooking food. I've decided the cooking of food, esp for immediate/next day eating, counts as doing things around the house. Relatedly, the dishes
--taking books back to main library (since this will also clean up the back room a lot)
--laundry
--building the CD shelves
--taking trash and/or recycling out
--mopping/vacuuming
--mending clothes

stab the cat
--go to bank and set up checking account
--go to camera place to look at potential equipment
--budget spreadsheet
--clothes sorting for costume budget
--lyric writing and storyboarding
--pulling the particle accelerator .wavs for sampling
--location scouting
--building the landsail

writing
--I don't know what to put here other than writing. It just needs to get done. I mean, I could list stories, but that doesn't seem useful
--although I was considering writing up things about my yuletide fandoms now as I reread them. btw this year: all out of print books. And possibly Girl Genius as the safety

vidding
--get lyrics and music to n and d for glee vid
--video n and d singing glee vid for lip sync reference
--get clean copies of Enterprise blooper reels for T'Pol adorbs
--...possibly reacquire Enterprise vidding copies. damn it
--force self to rewatch Adam Worth episodes
--finish cleaning the TV ads out of the s1 Sanctuary clips
--and also I just have to sit down and vid

homework
--NOTHING RIGHT NOW
--although possibly I should talk to my advisor. DNW.
jmtorres: Electric Mayhem: the Muppet Band's bus. (music)
Have you ever been listening to the radio and suddenly felt like the song was written for you personally for five seconds? When I was putting together this list I found myself realizing how much it says about my psyche and maybe also my generation. Like, I almost wish Imagine or something was on here, it seems loftier than *cough* some of these, but I grew up with Imagine, I never had a paradigm shift on it, it was just always there for me. These? These were really personal moments of impact.

Three song lyrics that meant the world to me:

I was made to believe there's something wrong with me, from Cold War by Janelle Monae

This was the line that made me want to write this entry. I wish I'd heard this years ago. I wish I'd heard it years before she even wrote it. I wish I'd heard it in high school. I don't know if I would have understood it, if I would have had the objectivity to get it, but this was something I struggled with, as a queer girl growing up: the sense that there was something wrong with the way I was, that didn't actually come from something being wrong with me but from something being wrong with society, that society was telling me you don't fit, you're a broken cog but it wasn't true, it was society being a broken machine. It's hard to see it the first time but it's so liberating when you do. If I could send this song back in time a dozen years to tiny me, I would.



I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance

Okay, don't laugh at me, you folks.

I first heard this song--saw the music video, actually--during Lost Year II, The Flunk Out of Every Institution in the State Remix. We'll call it the Geographically Challenged Year. It was bad, but not quite as bad as my Lost Year, and part of the reason was this song.

I have chronic clinical depression. The Lost Year was the year I just went under to it, the Geographically Challenged Year was the year that I could admit--to myself, if no one else--that something was wrong. I burned some bridges figuring that out, but. It was better. A little.

You see, clinical depression is, 95% of the time, invisible to other people. You're tired or you're cranky or in a bad mood or whatever, you should just buck up and get over it. (You can't get over it, it goes on and on.) And it's so ingrained in our culture that the answer to "How are you?" is "I'm fine" at the best or "I'm okay" at the worst. If you say "I'm awesome!" people look at you kind of pityingly, like "I'm so sorry your company is asshats, at least they don't also make you wear flare?" If you say "I'm terrible," you really had better be bleeding to death, and even then, the temptation is to brush it off as "Just a flesh wound." And if anyone has any reason to suspect you're not really okay, that you're just giving the socially acceptable response, the thing to do is in fact to promise, to assure them that you're okay. Even more for women, I think, there's a negative stereotype of a the woman who complains, what a nag, what a hag she is, and no one wants to be that, right?

So for ages and ages I told everyone including myself that I was okay, when I wasn't, because I didn't know how to say anything else. It seems like such a small thing that this song deconstructs but I don't think any more sweeping statement would have had the same impact--if they had said "I'm depressed, my life sucks," well, that would have been the sort of sentiment you can get away with in emo music, right? But "I'm not okay, I promise," takes the thing you're supposed to say, with all its trappings, and says, "That is a social fiction. That is a lie."

Seven years later I can admit to myself when I'm not okay, and sometimes even to other people.



Sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears, from The Cool, Cool River by Paul Simon

This is off The Rhythm of the Saints, which may be one of my favorite albums of all time. What this line encapsulates for me is how the creative process comes out of deep emotions--for him, it's music; for me, it's fiction or film. You don't know how many times I've been jarred to realize that I'm putting myself down on paper at the safe distance of a character in a story. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes you can work through your issues at that distance and write something that's interesting to other people and we call that being inspired. And sometimes it's not enough, sometimes putting things at the safe distance of fuel for the creation engine is putting them too far away, sometimes the only way you can actually process is to own it in yourself. Sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears.
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (alive)
Nearly had a screaming meltdown on--late Friday night, early Saturday morning? I think? I've been at [personal profile] niqaeli's since then, aside from a brief run by my house for textbooks. I should probably think about going home. I have a small spot of homework to do in the next twelve hours, and I'm thinking about sleeping.

I want to be creative. I fired up Final Cut but that didn't really go anywhere; I opened up googledocs and thought about writing Sanctuary fic--I'm all caught up and have this ridiculously detailed plotbunny in my head about the intersection of the sexcapades of Helen Magnus and Vampire Nikola Tesla (with other people) that I'm actually kind of ashamed of, oh my god, the things that live in my head, I don't even.

But what came out was more Echo Bazaar fic. I'm sort of... I don't even know, this fic can't decide whether it wants to be game-play fic or narrative fic. At least it's settled on first-person for the narrative sections.

bit of what I wrote tonight )

I really want to have some art in the story, it feels wrong not to have art in Echo Bazaar fic. I sent a message to someone asking if I could use some of the beautiful stuff I've seen go by on my droll (*waves*), I sort of flailed and dorked around incoherently a lot so you know, hopefully I don't come off as completely illiterate. *facepalm*
jmtorres: a flying sheep, which I am informed has special significance in World of Warcraft (meme)
Ask me a question about one of my stories or my approach to writing in general. It can be absolutely anything in any fic/general writing experience and I will tell you the honest-to-god answer. Don’t hold back. Anything. Whatever you ask, I will try my best to answer.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
My festivid is a hit. I am refraining heroically from answering comments, which are awesome. (I also keep seeing my gift, the awesome Marion from Indiana Jones vid, on recs lists, which brings me glee.) [personal profile] niqaeli is collecting an entry of quotes from the vid mines that I wouldn't let her post at the time because they're spoilery, but the schedule on festivids is so stretched out that we're reaching the point of losing context. "Why was [char] a vampire?" I found myself asking regarding one of the quotes that was hilarious at the time. I remembered eventually. It's spoilery.

Today I discovered a new portmanteau for [personal profile] niqaeli's favorite SPN pairing: Casquatch. We died and died of laughter.

Last week we went to see Red at the dollar theater--that being the flick where aging ex-spies (Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren) are on somebody's hit list and being pursued by up-and-coming spy (Karl Urban). We found it hilarious and adorable. It almost but not quite passed Bechdel. I'm not sure I would find it as charming on second viewing because violence against women )

Watched the last two episodes of White Collar. My memory for the one last week is full of holes. Oh wait, it's coming back to me. Burke's Seven. Right. Did you know [personal profile] niqaeli and I have a pet theory that El totally was a con and Peter figured her out in a way he couldn't arrest her for (among other things I like this theory for decreepifying the surveillance photo courtship: it was legitimate case surveillance!) and either she knew Neal and lets Neal think Peter doesn't know this for hilarity or Neal has only recently discovered her shadowy past and recognizes her reputation and is all OMG HOW WHAT YOU WERE SO AWESOME I DON'T EVEN. Anyway, with that theory, most El scenes get an extra twenty points of sweeeeeet.

So the most recent episode had the potential to joss the vid I'm working on, and I've been expecting to be jossed since--okay, no, I was expecting to be jossed last November but I've since given up on it (my attitude at this point is SHOW, PROVE ME WRONG! JOSS ME!)--but far from jossing me, this episode provided more fodder for the vid. my thoughts on this week's episode )

In other news, Ivan quietly went under and waited out Yuletide and Festivids and this week resurfaced. Bits of three of my four active Vorkosigan novellas of last year are once again taking over my brain (and the fourth is waiting for Bel to come out of hibernation). And I haven't even reread the books again or read any fic lately (except for [personal profile] dira's this evening, which made me cry at the sweet, and I would link but I'm on bit and I can't be bothered to deal with the annoying screenness to hunt down the URL ETA http://dira.dreamwidth.org/561801.html /ETA). So I decided to try for 300 words a day all year on one of those four plot bunnies, which at this point in the year would give me 100K by December 31, and hopefully enough pieces to string together a whole postable story or two and a lot of hilarious outtakes. Those of you on my WIP filter will get to watch me muddle through out of order!

Work: my hours are getting cut stupid low sigh.
School: I have another nominee for the "film class from hell" tag.
Cope: Hahaha what is that. At least I am still to some extent getting shit done?
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
HEY EVERYONE HOW'S YOUR YULETIDE GOING?

Are you at bears? Is it bears all around?

I am writing. A STORY WHICH IS NOT MY YULETIDE.

If you have already finished your yuletide, congratulations! I am not sure I want to talk to you right now.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
So niq has this ongoing plotbunny about Ezar's empress, Yuri's sister, named Griselda for our convenience, and the horribleness of her life and times under Yuri's rule, and how she gave Ezar-Piotr-Xav et al the palace during the civil war.

Having explored her characterization thus far, we then posited what would have happened if she had not died in childbirth with Serg but had lived to see him go mad. Answer: she would have killed him, as soon as Gregor was born healthy, her own damn self because if it was her they could call it Yuri Redux and not start a civil war.

And then the war party would have had the legs cut out from under it not having Serg as a figurehead nor Ezar using it to kill them all, and so when Aral (who would still have been on punishment duty at Sergyar since the Komarran conquest fail predates Griselda killing Serg) deals with the mutiny he then decides to fucking open diplomatic relations, damn the war party, full speed ahead, and sends Captain Naismith to the Escobarans with messages of peace and offers of trade.

The Betan Astronomical Survey? Totally trains for this eventuality. There is a non-trivial chance of a blind wormhole jump landing you in previously charted territories. Diplomacy IS part of Cordelia's training and mission. And when the Escobarans hear the Butcher of Komarr is on the other side and Cordelia keeps going "but he's really a decent fellow!" she gets stuck with that diplomatic duty longterm because nooooo one else wants to deal with him.

And Ges (introduced as "my creepy ex" instead of "And now, a rapist!") will totally turn "diplomatic relations" into obscene slang. And Cordelia's anthropological study of Rules of Barrayaran society include a whole subset of "and this is how it works with Ges," because he is totally different from everyone else. And Cordelia's considered opinion of him is that he badly needs some therapy. And Aral is like "Do you think if we shipped him off to Beta, they'd take him?"

I WANT HER TO WRITE THIS FOR ME. MY CURRENT THREAT IS THAT I WILL FINISH WRITING VORKOSIGAN 60 AND HOLD IT HOSTAGE UNTIL SHE WRITES THIS FOR ME. She has laughed and laughed at the idea that I could write a novel-length story and not immediately started soliciting feedback from everyone I know. In fact she's suggested that she will make me wait on this story just to see how long I COULD wait. WHEN SHE COULD JUST WRITE ME A STORY BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME AND SHE'S SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME. When I explode of impatience I will murder her in her sleep.
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (sleep)
So I'm going to try to go to sleep while it's still night time, because I'm tired, so it might work!

If I wake up before six, I am going to force myself to do laundry until I want to fall down again. Hopefully the mere idea will send me back to bed (although I could stand to do some laundry).

If I wake up before eight, I shall open up a window and start writing any of the like, eight scenes cycling through my head.

If I wake up before ten, I shall clip an episode of my festivids source.

If I wake up after ten, I really should head directly to my family's for Thanksgiving cooking.

...it's sort of scary that I am planning my sleep/wake schedule so regimentally. Sleep, something I have to work at.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
So: I'm tired and depressed. Not depressed in the way that impacts my ability to enjoy the things I can do, like read novels and hang out with [personal profile] niqaeli, just depressed in the way that keeps me from getting things done, like writing or computer repair or dealing next semester or family or laundry. I should probably write another to-do list and have a go at it. My uterus finally rebooted anyway; note to self: five months is a little long, and since you KNOW you skip when you're stressed, you should probably have taken the hint and dumped some stress sooner.

I have not finished clipping for festivids.

I have not started writing for yuletide.

I have a lot of scenes of the (oh god) four semi-nano stories in my head, but very little is filtering down to the keyboard.

There is a kitten. Her name is Mia.

aha

Oct. 27th, 2010 03:25 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I have another data point.

How long does Miles typically last between seizures? Post stabilization in Memory.
jmtorres: (bride)
There's only two weeks between the vote and the wedding? No wonder Alys was pissed off about the invitations.
jmtorres: Quinn from Sliders asleep with book open on his chest. Text: Sweet dreams. (sleep)
The "you went to bed early? that's a punishable offense" edition.

I think I am doing better. I got up early, went to class, though I didn't make anything up, and I wrote--I can't get any of the Glee crap out of my head, which is too bad as I am starting to annoy my nearest and dearest retelling them bits, but I wrote down some of Amita in space (on a hunch; the empty page was staring at me and wouldn't take ink for the stories of in-many-ways-normative white dudes, so I started writing Amita and got like, four pages down and only stopped for time). It's been a while since I wrote, this is good. Also I made a cheesecake and used up four of our multitude of apples (two more for the topping when I get around to it).

And that was my day. I am back to putting "going to class" in my list of accomplishments, which sucks, but I hadn't been doing it and I did it, which is good.

And: quiz due by 2:30 on Friday. Very doable.

oh glee

Oct. 4th, 2010 03:05 am
jmtorres: Electric Mayhem: the Muppet Band's bus. (music)
So I caught up on the last couple of episodes of Glee I hadn't seen, and they bumped my "what the fuck was that" meter even higher. Like, I don't even, the moronic, it burns, but even the dumb ones are capable of being manipulative and conniving? And there are no smart ones. The entire world of Glee is divided into the dumb and the mean, because the mean at least have wit.

Anyway I'm writing fic that will be AU in 36 hours and applies the handwave that makes Schuester less of a moron but really writing is sort of an exaggeration. I've written eight words of outline and a partial set list (Lennon, Bad Religion, Avenue Q, Bowie, MCR).

By the way, niq, if there is ever an MCR episode I really want someone to sing Teenagers. It might be most hilarious from Sue.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I am afraid I am not good enough to write this story. Specifically I am afraid I am not good enough at novel-length writing to write this story. But you only get better by doing so I don't know anything else to do but write it, except it's going to suck, and if I get it properly ripped-to-shreds beta'd I will cry myself to sleep and it'll never see the light of day because I won't be able to deal with it; so instead I'll post it with only a cursory typo beta and years from now when I have the experience or distance to pinpoint all the flaws, it will make me cringe with shame.

May writing this out exorcise the demons; may this prove phantom and not prophecy; may my skill stretch, with work and guidance, to meet the needs I bend it to.

Meme time

Jul. 30th, 2010 05:33 pm
jmtorres: a flying sheep, which I am informed has special significance in World of Warcraft (meme)
If you could chain me to a laptop and make me write any story you wanted, what would you choose?

If you could chain me to a laptop and make me vid any vid you wanted, what would you choose?

I'm awake

Jul. 6th, 2010 12:30 am
jmtorres: (story of my life)
I'm considering writing. Or watching more Numb3rs.

I am taking LJ load times as a sign that there's some wank I'm not meant to read.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
The Epistles of @mishacollins by [personal profile] jmtorres. Also on AO3.

This story is RPF/Supernatural as told via Misha Collins's twitter. It contains 37 tweets, 3,442 characters, bizarre pairings, dead animals, tentacles, pegging, twitter users both real and imagined used herein in an entirely fictional fashion, and the angelphone.

Read more... )

Um

Jun. 6th, 2010 12:13 am
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
I need a beta for RPF/SPN @mishacollins fic.

ETA: Or not. I DON'T NEED NO STINKING BETA. *impatiently posts*

My day

Jun. 5th, 2010 09:56 pm
jmtorres: (deja vu)
[personal profile] echan and [personal profile] jetpack_monkey's apartment flooded, so half their stuff is at my house right now. I am tipsy. I have homework, but I feel like writing fic instead.
jmtorres: (stand-in)
I want a new default/writing icon. Thoughts/requirements: female character in a current or enduring fandom of mine, preferably in the act of writing or drawing, although I am also considering the thought of text tattoo (text need not be English/Latin alphabet, though I would like to know what it says). Studio 60 is in my brain a bit, so I thought about Matty at his computer (an icon saying "I am eating it" would crack me up) but fairly rapidly determined that no, I really did want a woman, and none of the women from Studio 60 speak to me emphatically enough for default icon material. Then I considered Supernatural and I went poking for Ruby and spell diagrams or devil's traps or something but I think most of that is elided out. I have a reasonable shot of Anna and a blood sigil, but a) Anna makes my brain hurt and b) she looks really freaked out, which is non-ideal. I'm halfway contemplating an icon of Pam looking over her shoulder laughing at Dean about her "Jesse forever" tramp stamp, but a) I dunno what I think about using, for this purpose, ink that outlived its purpose, and b) I'm not that big a Pam girl. I remembered Lady Gaga has a ton of ink, but curiously the cinematography in her videos doesn't fetishize it. (For instance, I am not sure I will ever figure out what she has on her left shoulder.) I am most interested on the long German text she has on her inner arm, partly because I'm mostly likely to get it in frame with her face, and partly because of what that text is--a Rainer Maria Rilke quote, "In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?"

Okay, so far, images I'm considering (that I would probably want to add text to)--
http://jmtorres.dreamhosters.com/images/jesseforever.jpg
http://jmtorres.dreamhosters.com/images/germantat.jpg
http://jmtorres.dreamhosters.com/images/recliningtat.jpg

Any thoughts on other characters that might suit my criteria, or other places to find images of the strong contenders that might suit my criteria?

All of which is in aid of (because one must have the appropriate icon for the post):

I feel like my brain is roiling with epic WIPs lately and I want to note them all (and give anyone who wants opportunity to um, encourage anything they like).

---

Vorkosigan 60, which really ought to get a proper working title for the story as opposed to the 'verse. I went back looking for records of ever talking about this, and I don't think I managed to properly explain it to my journal any time in the three years I've had the bunny. See, back in... early 2007, I think, is when I broke and let [personal profile] niqaeli show me Sorkin's meta RPF crack, there were odd bits about how Danny ran the show like, um, the whole machiavellian control freak manipulation of the focus group data to make Matt start fighting back about politics in his writing, and the exchange regarding intermittent power outages caused by a palm tree:

Danny: How much do I wanna know about this?
Cal: As little as possible.
Danny: 'kay.

So I had this thought that had me literally on the floor laughing, and if I remember right [personal profile] niqaeli ended right there with me while the boys of the household sort of... eyebrowed at us. That thought was that Matt and Danny would be good ImpSec officers.

That is basic concept of the fusion. Details have sorted out thusly: Danny's Barrayaran, a captain, in Galactic Affairs. He trains up agents to work as responsibly as if there is no safety net by attempting to convince them he is not actually paying attention to anything they do--so they'll get shit done because if they don't, it's not getting done. Illyan threw him mediocre agents to sharpen up in this manner. There's a fair number of agents who recall Captain Tripp with... fond terror. Matt is Komarran, Danny went to college on Komarr, met him, and sort of dragged him home. Matt is Danny's pet analyst and his specialty is spotting domestic assassination attempts using galactic resources. He sort of chews on invisible problems from both ends and then says "There, that shipment of phlebotinum, so and so's using that for this plot." It's a... heavily intuitive pattern recognition thing. He couldn't tell you how he picks out what's important, but once he's at the conclusion, he can point to all the data points that got him there, and he's right. It relies hugely on having reams of accurate, seemingly trivial data. The first time he gets really fouled up is circa Civil Campaign, because one of the reports he mines regularly for currents in high Vor society is Byerly's, and Byerly started falsifying/leaving many things out of his reports. Not that Dono was a mystery that would have concerned Matt much, just that Byerly's reports got sparse while he was covering for Dono.

There's two main plot threads to the story I'm writing--one is that Matt and Danny get split up, which neither of them copes with well. Illyan had some patience for their special partnership but management has recently changed at ImpSec, and not all the personnel details came to Allegre intact. And also: without yet knowing why he's off (Dono not yet revealed, the hole in the data not yet obvious) Matt has been off, so the apparent efficacy of his and Danny's partnership is tarnished. So Matt's getting transferred and Danny's trying to pull strings to get him back, which is... you don't go around department heads in ImpSec, really, you don't. You most certainly do not go to the retired former head of ImpSec and ask for a social introduction to a potential patron who could somehow intervene on your behalf with the Emperor, because that's who you have to go to if you're going over the current head of ImpSec. You don't do any of that. Unless you're Danny Tripp and completely co-dependent to the point that it uh, interferes with your judgement.

The other main plot thread is the mystery that Matt's trying to unravel with no good sense of what pieces he's missing. It centers on Harriet Vorhayes, née Vorrutyer (which is part of the reason Byerly's inaccurate reports are so crucial here; he's stopped reporting family gossip). Matty has been inappropriately hung up on the married Vor lady for a long time; not involved, just, Danny really wishes he would... not attempt to socialize with her. So while Danny indulges Matt's requests for more data about her, because Matt's hunches pan out nine times out of ten, Danny is also quietly headdesking about stalking goddamn Harriet of all people. (Harriet's family history is... of import, so out of not spoiling the nature of the plot Matt uncovers, I will not go into it here.)

The eventual intersection of the Harriet mystery and Danny trying to climb the Vor for a patron lands squarely on Gregor being Gregor at them. Gregor being quietly, intensely Imperial is quite possibly my favorite thing in the entire Vorkosigan universe, so naturally that's where the whole story I'm writing is aimed at. So that's what Vorkosigan 60's about. Heh.

---

The Haunting: A Comedy of Spirit is, approximately, an AU of season 6 of SG-1. (This is the season when Daniel was dead.) In this story, ascended Daniel just never leaves Jack alone. Jack is bitchy about this, Sam and Teal'c are concerned for Jack's sanity, Skaara would like to not have to be the one to break it to Jack that Jack and Daniel are kind of dating, and somehow Jonas ends up obsessed with vampires. I've written a chapter and a half and about two thirds of the outline, and that much story is twelve thousand words, seriously, what, how. I posted the first chapter two years ago, and I really would like to finish it. I started rewatching season six with my brother toward this end.

---

Kryptonian Neal, who needs a better working title. This is a White Collar/DCU fusion inspired by this image of Matt Bomer in Clark Kent glasses and some of Neal's more alien behavior--seriously, every time I watch the scene at Maria's house in "Book of Hours," where she leans in and he doesn't kiss her for like, two minutes, and in fact does not kiss her at all in that scene, despite her continually leaning right into his space--yeah, this is clearly Kryptonian touch taboo at work. *nods vigorously* There are two relevant entries where I discuss this story: a snippet about Neal's Kryptonian criminal record and a solicitation of which parts of DCU I should draw on.

---

Rubyverse, my AU of season 4 of Supernatural, which is actually two fucking epic stories, paired:

The first is primarily about Sam and Ruby's summer vacation. Its working title is something along the incredibly clichéd lines of "To Hell and Back" because the primary AU feature of this part of the story is that Ruby actually assists Sam in attempts to get Dean back from hell, up to and including storming hell via the devil's gate in Wyoming. They also do other dumb shit like call up the crossroads demon and fail to deal (almost exactly as shown in canon) and call up the Trickster and ask him to turn back the clock again. But the main feature is the trip to hell--the preparation for it, because they have to get the colt from Crowley to open the gate, and because it's a long journey requiring provisioning (I think they spend nine months under hill, which works out to like, two and a half days topside) as Sam can't eat or drink anything he didn't bring in with him, or he'll end up trapped there. Ruby leaves her body topside and in hell becomes apparent as the image of how she was when she died, which leads to interesting bits of backstory coming out (which conflict with other parts of backstory she tells to other people at other times, unless you know what I know, and you won't, because the one POV that will not be present in this story is Ruby's). Ruby feeds Sam a metric fuckton of her own blood in hell, to the point that he can black-eye voluntarily, in an effort to allow him to pass as demon to casual inspection, so they can travel in hell without getting caught. (Sam remains altered by this after they get out, and Dean gets out, much to Dean's dismay; however, the manner of blood-drinking matters a lot, and this Sam only drank Ruby's freely offered blood: he didn't slaughter unwilling demons or kill a nurse or even take of Ruby's unconscious host, because Ruby left her body topside and fed Sam direct from herself in hell. He was also not trying to gain the strength to control or kill demons, and intent matters. So Sam ends up with an uncomfortable amount of power that is not tainted the same way it is in canon.) They eventually do not break Dean out because Sam snaps and busts a few hundred damned, tortured souls out and draws the attention of who Ruby terms "the scary motherfuckers": fallen angels, of whom there are not that many, but they run hell, and really the only thing to do is flee. I know this story is told out of order and I'm playing with something as simple as the framing device of telling Dean what happened while he was down, interspersed with a short run of events immediately after they get him back (Ruby fucking with Dean, the process of figuring out who Castiel is, and Castiel meeting Ruby and being extremely baffled by her, because interrogation suggests that not only is she trying to prevent the apocalypse, she has feasible plans for doing so). The ending is where Sam and Dean meet Ruby-who-is-not-Ruby: the coma girl woke up, and Ruby vacated her body.

The second part is going by the working tile of "Janie, and Other Lost Lambs," and is about, among other things, just-awoken amnesiac coma girl, who goes by Janie, as dubbed by Ruby, short for Jane Doe. Janie makes a go of life away from the Winchesters and the apocalypse while Ruby rides a proper corpse (male, just to mess with Sam and Dean's heads). But Janie... she can't remember anything about her own life at this point, but she remember parts of what Ruby did in her body (so most of part 1, except for the actual in-hell bits, during which comatose Janie was left in Bobby's care, I'm pretty sure). And she ends up calling Ruby, because Ruby is all she knows. Eventually demons hunt Janie down and try to take her apart to figure out what the fuck Ruby is doing (not unlike what happened to Jimmy Novak), and when the boys and Ruby ride to her rescue, Ruby ends up riding Janie again on a more permanent basis, with permission and certain protections. Janie gets more involved in Ruby's plan to stop the apocalypse, which at this point involves fucking with the seal count to buy time. I have a handful of seals I know they mess with that I swear are not all designed to get certain rarepairs I want (Ruby/Cas, Janie/Jo, Cas/Janie, what have you...) and there is ongoing back and forth between Ruby and Cas about how possession functions (and the fact that Jimmy is so totally Cas's sub) and how seals are constructed and deconstructed. Janie's pre-coma identity is eventually determined, and it's relevant, but mostly as a thing Janie gives up when Ruby offers her the out again and Janie chooses to stick around to be part of the fight instead. Ruby makes the guys train Janie to fight in case Ruby herself is ever out of commission, which becomes useful sooner than Ruby was expecting when they need a Trickster and Gabriel's reaction to the curiosity that is the Ruby/Janie partnership is to poke hard and damage Ruby in the process. Crowley pops up again. Among my primary clusterfuck (Ruby, Janie, Sam, Dean, Cas and Jimmy) blood and sex get exchanged in various lines. Tattoos are acquired. There is a too clever plan about Lilith, and a less clever back-up plan that Ruby is not admitting to herself she is setting in motion, although Cas and Janie back her on it. There is noncon snuggling. Many people well-meaningly ask, with varying degrees of tact, Janie if she's okay being Ruby's host. The answer sort of fluctuates, but Janie chooses Ruby over other options again, and again, and again. Ruby pushes her, but Ruby offers her the out, too, because it's important that Janie choose--particularly because Ruby is a demon, and there are things she can't choose, and needs Janie to agree to choose for her. I am sort of dancing around not blowing the ending on this one, so I will sum up thematically instead: it's about the limits of free will and the power of choice.

---

*sits back and stares at screen* I've been working on that for four hours, and by the way, those are only the epic stories in my head. I have a ton of smaller bunnies, up to and including the wtf how did I end up with this one Misha/Dean twitterfic. I also have plans this weekend to bang through my prompts post, though I have decided for the sake of getting things flowing that for those prompts I will write what I'm inspired to write and not worry about whether it fits the prompt exactly or might not be what the prompter intended. I feel kind of guilty about it, but it wasn't a secret santa prompt collection and the point was to get me writing, so get me writing we'll do.

And now it might be time to sleep.
jmtorres: (daddy winchester)
The story I wrote for Remix was One Time Sam Went Dreamwalking (Have You Any Dreams You'd Like to Sell?), a pre-series Supernatural story. The original story posited Sam had a dreamwalking ability and showed up in Dean's dreams frequently; I thought Hmm, but if it's not just Dean... and sent Sam off into John's dreams. *grins*

Prompts

May. 23rd, 2010 01:26 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
It's been ages and ages since I did a proper prompts post with like, multiple fandoms on offer, and also very long since I've written anything off a prompts post.

My goal is to write maybe ten scenes off prompts at a thousand words each; please recall that the last time I set out to write a thousand word fic, this happened, so a) I may not get to everyone and b) someone may get a surprise epic. But MY GOAL IS to write ten or a dozen roughly thousands-word stories. PS whoever asked me for "Ruby is Dean's mother" THAT FILE IS STILL OPEN AND MOCKS ANY WORD LIMITS I TRY TO IMPOSE ON IT.

FANDOMS ON OFFER:
--Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
--Vorkosigan Saga
--V60 (aka, Matt and Danny from Studio 60 work for Impsec on Barrayar... it's a whole thing)
--Iron Man movies
--Roswell
--Glass Houses (epic Weiß Kreuz AU, I'm around chapter 130 on reread at the moment, YAY BRADPARENTS)
--White Collar
--Supernatural, although I should warn you I haven't watched the last three episodes so depending on prompt, you might get STRAWBERRY JELL-O.

I will consider other fandoms you know me to have consumed in the past. For instance *glances at [personal profile] grey_bard* just last night I became enamored of the idea of a HL/SPN crossover in which the boys know perfectly well about Immortals, they're just like FUCKING SEACOUVER, LET'S NEVER GO THERE. *grins*

I work best with prompts that are specific but brief enough to capture in ten words or less.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
Meanwhile, in Van Nuys

Notes: This is a Supernatural 5.22 story. While I have been spoiled extensively for 5.22, I have in fact only seen about 15 seconds of it. Also, this is crack. Squick warning for grossitude.

385 words. Also on AO3.

Did that look like jell-o to anyone else? )

what

May. 17th, 2010 03:49 am
jmtorres: Tony Stark with his hands up robot!Pepper's innards (Pepperbot)
I appear to have written 1950 words of Iron Man (movie 1) fic, and show no signs of stopping.

Is anyone awake to audience?
jmtorres: Aya from Weiss Kreuz gets petted, text: Everyone needs a kitten (kitten)
I'm rereading [personal profile] viridian5's Glass Houses, a Weiß Kreuz AU epic WIP that I was reading along with early on, but somehow lost track of over the years. I love this story to pieces and I have unfinished fic for it floating around on my hard drive, more than I thought I did, actually--over 5,000 words of fluff about Schwarz & co invading Crawford's family, 2100 words of Yoji and Schuldig's relationship drama (they are in no way exclusive, but when Yoji, with help, blocks Schu's telepathy, that's totally cheating), and an actually complete scene, at 1500 words, of did I really? yes, I really did, why god why Nagi/Omi lifted directly from my own personal experience that I thankfully did not ever post.

(Gosh, I have a lot of half-finished WK fic in general, actually. Conveniently I even wrote the end of the Quantum Leap crossover, so I know how the plot on that one works.)

I went skimming through vid WIPs too and I seem to have vidded 90% of a Weiß Kreuz vid, though I think I would have to take it apart at the seams and put it back together before I'd be happy with it now: it doesn't move enough.

Other things in the vid WIP pile:

--The first 19 seconds of an Enterprise vid that makes me cackle with glee (WHO'S YOUR MOMMY)
--The first 58 seconds of my thesis on s4 Supernatural that includes, among other things, Ruby flirting with Cas and Cas giving WTF face
--About 48 seconds of a Fullmetal Alchemist vid, from the middle, being all about how Roy is a broken, fucked-up moppet because Hughes dies
--The first 23 seconds of a Being Human vid that is pretty but also depressing.

I am making an effort to commit fic to computer as it happens in my brain. Last night I wrote 800 words of Janie's declarations; tonight I wrote 600 words of the John and Ruby show. I love the John and Ruby show, and the piece I wrote tonight clears up part of the plot that I was banging my head against. So yay for that.

It's harder to commit to the braindump as instantaneously with vidding because the stuff I've been running in my head is stuff I'm going to have to hunt material to construct, it's not "and this clip from this episode would be perfect!", it's "where is a clip of Ruby lying on her back I could manip into this part of this story." So that's hard.
jmtorres: Neal Caffrey from the show White Collar, with hat, text: "Black Hat" (Neal Caffrey)
...that I am soliciting writing suggestions. Specifically, suggestions for the Kryptonian Neal story, because I swear once upon a time it had some kind of crime-solving plot in there somewhere, and now all the bits in my head are Peter being really nosy about the sex lives of Kryptonians, based on Neal's rap sheet.

So I was thinking that I would ask you guys who else from DCU you would like in this story, bearing in mind that you will probably have to tell me who they are, why it would be awesome, and where I can find more information about the character, as my knowledge of comics comes largely from the really good, cracky Smallville fanfiction. (My versions of these characters are... informed by early SV, and I say early because I had a look at what happened with late SV and I am honestly kind of confused as to how there is still a show; and also somewhat by the respective Superman and Batman animated series, which I haven't seen in years and am contemplating acquiring...) PS I am hoping idea for characters to toss in the story will result plot! and not more wacky sexcapades (touching. with ungloved hands. on the FACE. Kryptonians: kind of repressed).

People involved so far:

--Superman, who let Neal out of the Phantom Zone because he'd served his time, and for all Neal's shenanigans Superman really doesn't think Neal's done anything that needs a hero to stop him, Peter's doing just fine. Also Superman is generally embarrassed about Krypton--the more he learns, the gladder he is he was raised on Earth!--and he has the ludicrous idea that since Neal is on Team They Fight Crime! now he might be interested in joining the League, to which Neal's response is a succinct "fuck off and die."

--Lex Luthor, developer of the pink kryptonite which Neal successfully pitches to Peter as a safe way to keep him restrained (it's totally harmless! nobody will be mutating into anything! the only side effect it has is mild gayness. What Neal somehow failed to mention and various people including Lex, in his case because it's funny, have failed to clarify is that pink kryptonite does not actually have any effect on superpowers at all, its only effect is mild gayness). I have a scene in my head where Peter emails off a request to Lexcorp for a pink kryptonite anklet and like, half an hour later gets a phone call from Lex personally, because Lex wants to confirm the actual FBI sent him this hilarious stupidity and like, his son's friends didn't hack fbi.gov to send prank emails (Robin totally could, and it is possible Kon is a bad influence on him). So then Peter has a very strange phone conversation about princess-cut pink kryptonite and a platinum-plated titanium chain. Also Lex's senatorial, law-making activities come up later in the context of the legality of Neal's immigration and citizenship, and the Lex/Clark subtext is kind of a running gag.

--Batman. [section edited] Occasionally Batman gets in the middle of Peter's cases, much to his frustration. Also he would like to have Batman's prints and DNA on file for exclusion purposes. (BATMAN WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT HE DOES NOT LEAVE FINGERPRINTS OR STRAY HAIRS AT CRIME SCENES. THAT IS WHAT THE GLOVES AND THE COWL ARE FOR.) Also it is not general knowledge that Batman is not a metahuman, he's just fucking crazy, though Neal knows because he's heard all the best gossip.

--[personal profile] grey_bard was suggesting potential sources of League gossip, so I have some Booster Gold and Blue Beetle to poke through.

--I was considering have Neal fanboy at Catwoman.

Who else should I toss in? Tell me why!

blargh

May. 2nd, 2010 03:41 pm
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (ruby)
This is about three and a half days I've lost to being sick and exhausted at this point, and right now in the semester I can't afford it. I keep wanting to turn my brain on enough to write fic and I can't do that so how the fuck am I supposed to do homework?

I want to do something nonstandard with Ruby's historical background (because honestly, "when the plague was big," not that fucking specific) and I need to bounce this off people and work out the kinks, because it's racially and religiously problematic ) I mean, this brings up the larger question of in the Supernatural universe, are (lingering ghosthood), [christian] heaven and [christian] hell the only afterlives available to humans, or are other beliefs valid? Can people be reincarnated? Is there a Hades, with Elysian fields and Tartarus? A Valhalla? Etc?

Maybe catching up on recent episodes later will kick me some new ideas on this. Damn it, I dislike defaulting Ruby to christian/euro background, it feels like invisibling the rest of the world not to explore other possibilities, but it's... problematic. yeah.

(At least I can get that much think on, even if I'm not writing actual narrative?)
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (coma girl)
Did I just write 870 more words of apparently there's going to be two epic stories in rubyverse, not just one instead of my paper?

One hour until I have to leave. Dean and Ruby can stop philosophizing about demonhood in my head now.
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (coma girl)
I am dying of allergies. Seriously, zyrtec-D is the only thing that makes my life worth living right now. And sucktastically as well, the sniffling and the watery eyes mean I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of crying. That plus general failure to cope makes me feel like I am constantly breaking down.

I am frustrated with my headspace about Supernatural right now. I'm starting to come out of the fruitcake obsesso place and wake up with the "did you get the number of that truck?" hangover about the last few months and I don't want to, quite yet, I want to actually write and vid a lot of the bunnies I have hanging around. I think part of the problem is that I don't deal well with week-to-week viewing of a show, as opposed to binging. It's killing me to play will I be jossed, will I be kripked, instead of just mainlining. (I realize normal people just watch shows this way. Hi, I'm not normal.)

So I have a plan. I haven't decided if I'm going to implement the plan yet, because there are drawbacks to the plan. But the plan is: I don't watch between now and the season finale, and then I get to mainline the last, what, five or so episodes. In between I would watch older stuff (I still haven't finished watching season 2!) and then when I get to mainline season end, I think I'll get a resurgence of fruitcake interest without the stop and go stagnation frustration I'm getting now.

Drawbacks: I'm actually looking forward to the next few episodes, based on spoilers. Not sure I have the patience. [personal profile] everysecondtuesday, [personal profile] grey_bard, and [personal profile] echan would have a hard time talking to me without spoiling me (though considering how much I've been trawling imdb and youtube, maybe that would be okay? I could just be not-watching-spoiled until I mainline). And then, I don't know, there's vid considerations. Which is totally the last thing on my list because I'm still on waitlist for vvc and feel weird submitting stuff if I'm not going and honestly, vvc is going to be "I'm spending $500 to hang out with some people I like," as opposed to the other thing.

I keep turning myself around on that, too. I had one idea I thought I was doing for challenge and it occurred to me in like, the past two hours, that the drawer vid might be even MORE challenge-suitable. So there's like, three or four things I want to take to vvc. I mean, I guess just in that "to show my friends" way.

WIP files

Apr. 7th, 2010 01:54 pm
jmtorres: (doctor who)
I've been slowly loading all my finished fic onto AO3 and somehow this morphed into poking at WIPs I have thousands and thousands of words and wondering if I could ever find the wherewithal to finish them.

I have 9800 words of a From Eroica With Love story--it's Klaus/G and while it has cute moments, I clearly didn't finish it because it's doomed to tragedy. It was supposed to be for a zine and I missed that deadline by a lot. I feel certain I talked at people (probably [personal profile] grey_bard and [personal profile] keelieinblack) about this story, but I can't find chat logs for it. I mean, it is like, three years old now.

I have so much Andromeda Rhade stuff scattered over so many files--I started writing that like fifteen times, and never really got around to finishing my version of Rhade's AU because the show eventually provided. But the biggest file is 8850 words which seems like I might be interested in working out how that ends and committing it to the ether.

Or, here's a good one, I have 9570 words of Firefly-Serenity Mal/River fic and wow, the inside of River's head is an interesting place to write from.

I have a few Fullmetal Alchemist WIPs that reached ridiculous proportions. There's the Hughes Home For Children of Wayward Alchemists, wherein Hughes laughs at Roy and takes the Elrics home personally and essentially adopts them. That hit 5200 words. There's the Roy/Maes/Gracie story that all the segments I've written add up to 16,000 words. Hughesmunculus is around a paltry 2000 words.


I should note that I'm deliberately only mentioning WIPs in fandoms that I can look out with running into the night. So if it's on this list, there is... moderate cause for hope. I saw this as preface to bringing up Iron Man WIPs, because [personal profile] echan will be ALL OVER ME, but I did tell her to expect more writing when the new movie came out. So: there's the Electric Sheep story, of which there's about 2400 words. Mistress Pepper, I, uh, apparently have not written any actual prose on, but the collected, edited chat logs clock in at 5300.

I have a Kyo Kara Maoh story called Carnivale that was mostly a style experiment that's around 3400 words. The part I didn't get around to writing was the ugly question of who was wearing the Maoh mask on night three of the carnivale.

In Numb3rs, I had a story where Amita is a secret agent, up to 1500 words. And over a thousand words of the random mpreg story (I don't even know). Also, there's a story where Amita joins Stargate Atlantis that's up to 4750.

The Stargate SG-1 season 6 AU has what, 11,870 words of draft and outline.

There's a Taltos story that's kind of back and forth about Kiera and Kragar, and I've got 8800 words of that.

I appear to have 5100 words of a Glass Houses story, too. Wow. I'm so behind on GH it's not even funny.

There's also 4970 words of a Torchwood story where Jack gives into temptation and clones Ten from the hand.

So yeah. um.

fandom quiz

Apr. 6th, 2010 12:56 am
jmtorres: Rhade and Beka from Andromeda. One true universe. (AU)
[personal profile] echan and I have spent seriously, like, three hours, discussing fannish categorizations of material as it strays further and further from canon. We are interested in your opinions on the following:

In reference to vidding:
What constitutes canon (or nonviolation of canon)?
What constitutes an AU?
What constitutes constructed reality?

Where are the lines between these categories? What separates them? What rationales and characteristics can you use to differentiate between them?

Where does crossover fall in this scale?
Does the use of secondary sources make a vid fall into one category or another?

Second verse: would you care to tackle the same questions (as relevant) wrt fanfiction?

If you're very good, I may post my own thoughts on this matter when I am less drunk.
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (coma girl)
I need a punch in ego, my life is too friggin' weird.

eta: broke out the spendy booze for this. Ah, pomegranate liqueur.


juls: oh my god i'm outlining right now
the PRESTORY stuff is enormous
and storylike in its own right
greybard: I take it a prequel may happen, if only in your brain?
juls: probably what will happen is it will come out in bits and pieces randomly through the story proper, so I should damn well have it all worked out
seriously, they storm hell
greybard: .... As prestory?
Like, it is not in the fic?
juls: *cough*
greybard: Okay, fair enough, almost every writer doesn't write storming hell, they just allude to it as epic
But still
Talk about burying the lead
juls: Yes. While dean is dead. Sam and Ruby open the devil's gate and try to get him out
greybard: I can't believe you're glossing over storming Hell
I guess it doesn't have enough bloodplay or dubcon?
(Not a dig, just joking)
juls" *dying*
I kept trying to figure out where the story starts and fuck me, it starts when janie wakes up
and she slept through that one
greybard: Preeeeequel
juls: hahahahah
greybard: Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeequel
juls: fuuuuuuuuuuuck you *laughing*
greybard: Storming Hell!
Curiously fun for the whole family!
juls: cannot breathe for laughing
I'm about to spittake my expensive liqueur
greybard: "Mommy, why can I read the part where they're in Hell but not when they get to Earth where there are butterflies and flowers and 98% fewer demons?"
"Because, darling, when you're fighting demon hordes, you need to keep your pants on"
jmtorres: Daniel from SG1 pours lots of sugar into his coffee. (sweet)
It is too late and I am too tired to research liquor laws with a view to how they impact daily life--will someone who has lived in Illinois tell me what Illinois's restrictions on the sale and purchase of alcohol are? I have lived in states where you can buy it at the grocery store and states where grocery stores are not permitted to sell liquor and you have to go to an actual liquor store, where liquore sales must cease after a certain hour of the evening regardless of the store's hours, where it is illegal to sell liquor on Sunday, which means after two AM on Saturday night (the closing time of bars, which also varies state to state), and so forth. Damn it, I've bought liquor at vividcon, I feel I should have a better memory for Illinois's restrictions, but my brain is falling out, so will someone please tell me what applies.

Thank you.

ETA: Apparently IL's county by county! I am looking for info on Livingston County (it is where Pontiac is, hi, supernatural fic ahoy.)
jmtorres: (daddy winchester)
Totally unexpected fic I didn't know I was going to be writing tonight. My personal fanon about Daddy Winchester.

The Love Story of John Winchester and Bobby Singer, As Told by Sam by [personal profile] jmtorres

Summary: Dean sleeps around with hunters like he's carrying on a venerable Winchester tradition.
John/Bobby. John/Other. Dean/Castiel preslash.
PG-13.
~1000 words.

Thanks to [personal profile] everysecondtuesday and [personal profile] grey_bard.

Alternate viewing option: AO3.

Read more... )
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (castiel)
Something New by [personal profile] jmtorres.

Slash. Het. Crossdressing. PG-13.
Dean/Cas, Sam/Ruby.
4674 words.

Summary: An angel, a demon, and two fake girls walk into a bar.

For [personal profile] everysecondtuesday, who requested a story on the premise that the handprint burned onto Dean's shoulder is the angel equivalent of an engagement ring. Thanks to [personal profile] grey_bard for the beta.

Alternate reading option: AO3.

Read more... )
jmtorres: animation: Supernatural 4.09, Ruby gasps as she wakes up Coma Girl. Text: COMA GIRL LIVES! (ruby)
Fucking fucking fucking fuck, I am not sure if I need to take this premise apart at the seams or leave it in all its heartbreaking glory as a commentary on the problems with the source material. I just. I really don't want to kill my girls.

The more this twists itself out, the more ambiguous Ruby becomes. And this started off as the "Ruby is actually trying to stop the apocalypse!" 'verse. It still is? But there's complications? I uncovered a Machiavellian sidescheme that turned out to be fucking central and the alternate title of this could be "You Always Hurt the One You Love" and oh my god. What the fuck. I hate my brain.

Things I am still trying to solve:
--Lilith's body
--Jimmy's parallel

Also, I have to ask, if it was Heaven locking Lucifer up with the seals, whose fucking bright idea was it to make it evil acts that break them? Why not "this seal shall break when a demon becomes human," "this seal shall break when a fallen angel regains her grace," "this seal shall break when Lucifer asks God's forgiveness"? I MEAN. COME ON. If the hotbox is time out, why not make it so that Lucifer can only come back when he's really sorry?

And if it wasn't heaven sealing Lucifer away, who was it?
jmtorres: Neal Caffrey from the show White Collar, with hat, text: "Black Hat" (White Collar)
You Ruined Everything (In the Nicest Way) by [personal profile] jmtorres.

Gen. PG. Approximately 9500 words.

Summary: A story of missed connections, in which Peter doesn't know what to say, Neal doesn't seem to want to hear it, and Elizabethan translation proves vital.

Notes: I owe thanks to the following betas: [personal profile] aris_tgd, [personal profile] damned_colonial, [personal profile] dragonfly, [personal profile] echan, and [personal profile] grey_bard.

This story is a few degrees off from how I usually view these characters; I meant it to be a thousand-word thought experiment and now I count myself lucky I got out at under ten thousand words. Er, yay?

The title is borrowed, respectfully, from Jonathan Coulton.

(alternate viewing option: AO3)


Peter spends a year searching before he even gets an image of the so-called Nick Halden )

\o/~

Mar. 6th, 2010 10:51 am
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
Can't. Stop. Poking. Fic.

I want to post it now! I want to hear back from a beta now! Oh my god. It's been like, six hours. I am not capable of patience when there's comment-whoring to be done. This is why I don't usually get stuff beta'd! I jones for comments and I'm like IT'S GOOD ENOUGH, WHO NEEDS BETAS ANYWAY, until, you know, the next time, when I grab like five betas to give me feedback while I'm writing to soothe the addiction.

But I think this story actually needed beta, there were parts we had to beat with a heavy rubber mallet, and I want the reassurance that I've sanded the rough edges off, because if I'm going to unexpectedly write nine thousand word stories, I feel like there's some standard to be met. I don't know what it is, other than grammar that doesn't make people spork their eyes out, but yes, I have ill-defined writing work ethic and a desire for quality control.

*twitches* MAYBE I WILL TAKE A NAP AND AFTER THAT SOMEONE WILL BE ONLINE WHO I CAN SHOW THIS STORY TO.

ETA: [personal profile] aris_tgd linked me to this sinfest which encapsulates my antsiness rather well.

\o/

Mar. 6th, 2010 03:54 am
jmtorres: (stand-in)
I think I finished the White Collar fic that ate my brain! I sent it off to one of my betas who's helped me beat on it, and if certain other people who've been alphaing want to see it, they know where to find me, and then I'm going to get [personal profile] dragonfly to have a look, she's not read it at all and doesn't know of my struggles with it, so her perspective should help, and then I might post it! Maybe even this weekend!

Word count's somewhere around 9400 words. At this point I amazed I got out under 10K. Seriously.

Now I'm going to get three hours sleep before I take the car in for service!

Pie

Mar. 4th, 2010 09:13 pm
jmtorres: The arch-elf from the movie Santa Clause, with pita. (Bernard)
One of the terrible dangers of reading/writing/watching too much Supernatural: and incredible craving for pie.

Off to the store for fresh fruit. I will probably cheat and make a brown betty again instead of a pie, but that will not stop me from savoring it and saying MMMMMMMM PIE a lot.
jmtorres: Castiel speaking on his cell phone: "Even as we speak, it's... going... down." (supernatural)
*weeps* I named Ruby's body. Or Ruby named Ruby's body. And maybe I should stop saying body because it's not just the body, see? Coma girl woke up. Ruby named coma girl Janie because she's a Jane Doe. Ruby is a bitch. But RUBY LOVES JANIE THE BEST.

Castiel performed the ceremony, so it's totally legit.

Strange suspicion Sam is going to be jealous.

Seriously, you guys, the inside of my head is so weird right now.

apples

Feb. 21st, 2010 04:27 am
jmtorres: Jaye from Wonderfalls; get her words out (write)
I am probably jinxing myself by even saying this, but I think I can get out of this story at under ten thousand words. For those keeping track at home, I had previously thought it was going to be a thousand word story, sworn I would cut it off by five thousand, and given up in despair around seven thousand. I have written the last scene, which boosted me over eight thousand. Unfortunately I have not written the next-to-last scene, and I am having weird balance issues which lead me to suspect I need more than one scene still, therefore: I can probably get out of this story at under ten thousand words.

Right now I would settle for being able to get out of this story, regardless of how many more words it wants to be. I mean, seriously. It can be fifty thousand words long if it can also be done now. If I could just figure out how to make the thing balance right, I could stop feeling like it wants more scenes just to mock me with its insane word count.

Links I am keeping track of for later because I am too lazy to log into delicious away from home--
http://everysecondtuesday.dreamwidth.org/35958.html
http://vichan.livejournal.com/392184.html
http://community.livejournal.com/whitecollarfic/80709.html

YES

Feb. 9th, 2010 12:05 pm
jmtorres: Salma Hayek, Dogma quote: I'm a muse, stupid! (muse)
Holy crap, Neal's talking!

You know. In my head. To Peter.

Trust me, this is a breakthrough. Heh.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
I feel like crap. I feel like I lost my weekend, and alas I didn't even lose it to sleep or I'd feel up to more right now. No, I lost my weekend to writing White Collar fic and watching Supernatural. (In other news: I appear to have actually acquired a Supernatural plotbunny I want to keep. Who knows when or if I'll write it, I have seasons 2, 3, and half of 4 and 5 to catch up on, but it amuses me.)

Writing... I'm sure you're all aware that my intended thousand-word thought experiment got away from me and is now the better part of seven thousand words. I actually culled a few hundred out of it last night because there's one section that was 1500 words, which is about three times longer than most of the other sections, and I'm trying to figure out some way to fit into the structure. There's... I've been told, of its content, that there's two pieces of plot that need to be there and one sentence which is the linchpin of the story, so it's not like I'm battling extraneous crap here. Gah. I haven't tried the 1300 word version on anyone to see if it works as well cut down, but even so that's not cut down enough. I'm wondering if there's a way to space out these pieces across--even two scenes instead of one would be better. Also, I was told it needed more snark in this section. I'm pro-snark, but I'm finding it difficult when Peter and Neal are both trying so damn hard to get through to each other, hopefully without being forced to actually say anything about anything. Clearly they should be using snark to not say what they're trying to say.

In the meantime, I still haven't written the ending. I know what piece of information needs to get transmitted to Neal and I know how that needs to get reflected back to Peter for narrative resolution, I just can't write it. Partially because I'm fucking around with the 1500 word monster scene and partially because the scene I'm in the middle of is threatening to turn into a 1500 word monster as well, if I don't figure out how to end scene and go somewhere else for the next important bit.

And I still don't have a title.

And [personal profile] echan can make me shriek "Ew" repeatedly just by saying "spanking" now.

And last night I discovered the absolute, over-the-top, practically parody of itself bad epitome of the story my story was written in response to. Before I was writing about something that happened here and there, seemingly unintentionally and unthinkingly in stories I otherwise enjoyed, but whoa, this story was non-stop, all-singing, all-dancing, in your face for the entire story. Dude, some people like to play with feathers, some people need the whole damn chicken, apparently. It was hilarious. But probably only to me. From all the comments, people enjoyed it as a serious work of drama, so I think I'll respectfully refrain from naming names.
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
My plans to to cut and run before I hit 5000 words seem to have gone awry. I am not sure what happened. Well, no, I'm sure what happened, but it's kind of disturbing, so I laugh at it and then go back to trying not to think about it. My protests that this is GEN GEN OMG GEN are getting more and more ludicrous, structurally speaking. I mean, in a literal sense it IS gen, damn it. I'm just absconding with all the OT3 conventions. There's a lot of them, and every time the story hits one (and by the way it hit about five on its own before I realized I was writing it) I crack up in a slightly hysterical way, so yeah. Story keeps getting longer.

What.

*stares at googledocs morosely*
jmtorres: (stand-in)
I am writing. I have 1419 words of a White Collar fic that I didn't actually want to blow more than about 1000 words on. HELP. Anyone want to alpha or beta?
jmtorres: (story of my life)
It is sort of heartening that when I start writing down a happy thought a day in the happy journal, things start pouring out and suddenly I'm writing down four happy thoughts as fast as I can before I have to run back to work.

In other news, I got a ramekin of cheesecake and left it on the counter instead of taking it home with me. It, it will go to waste now, because omg I'm not driving back down to the other end of town. *sadness*

I keep poking at this one particular story in my head and it's possible that if I keep at it, the sex scene will congeal into something I can actually elide instead of farming out to [personal profile] niqaeli to write for me. Relatedly, I think [personal profile] niqaeli and I should credit all episodes of xfp Lennon & McCartney style. She can even be Lennon! I'm good with this.
jmtorres: 3D go board. Don't stand aside this time (don't stand aside)
Earlier today I very much wanted to completely quit my life here and go back to Cali and move in with [personal profile] ysobel and cook her grill cheese and curry and falafel every week. We could make dorky Merlin vids and I could find somewhere to work part-time and pay me crap to support my food habit, but I could stop worrying about the rent money and spend the rest of the day being her wife and writing fanfic that might be optimistic? Reading fanfic. And her library. Heh. Unfortunately I couldn't bring the children with me and through a bizarre quirk of bureaucracy I'm medically uninsurable if I don't complete another year at [current university] here and I do, actually, have a few commitments here that I can't walk out on. But isn't it a pretty fantasy?

I stopped off at Borders tonight to pick up my brother's birthday present and ended up taking home a pretty notebook, because while I found the Loki book, I've actually used all the pages up and the binding's coming undone. So. New year, new book. Paperchase makes a lot of pretty notebooks but I ended up picking not the one I thought was the prettiest but the one that made me happiest. It is very silly. It is covered in shiny flowers that look like they were drawn by a five-year-old and then preserved with tin foil. I just officially wrote the first words in it. They are I'M A FREE BIT, BABY, because that's how we're rolling this year.

(I, I do not know why blasting Bad Romance in my car cheers me up as much as it does. But at least part of it has to do with the radio edit version of the CD I have cracking me the hell up. You can't stop the signal, guys! She's a free bit! Whee.)

This entry will consist primarily of quoting people off my droll who made me laugh tonight. It's Follow... Tuesday? Sure! Why not?

[personal profile] thedeadparrot: I discovered after doing this one that apparently I am introducing each person I quote. Um, [personal profile] thedeadparrot! I have followed her for so long that I forget what awesome thing she did to attract me. It might have been FMA fic? I sort of went on a spree when I was reading FMA fic.
I believe that we should not be ashamed of writing fanfic. Yeah, I write romance. Yeah, I even write porn. Yeah, I did this as a teenage girl. And yeah, I sometimes daydream about characters. None of this should mean that my writing -- our writing -- is automatically worth less than that of some fanboy who daydreams about being Paul Atreides and about things blowing up and writes a script about his daydreams and then gets it turned into a movie. I am looking at you, James Cameron.


[personal profile] thefourthvine: I could quote all of every entry of hers, every single one of them make me laugh. She's been watching TOS for the first time and it is hilaaaaaarious. If you do not actively hate small children, ask to be on her Earthling filter, it is cuteness and awesomeness and wonderfulness and total quirkiness (they started calling him Earthling in the womb when they couldn't decide on a name, and I am still not sure they ever did decide on a name, because one of her worries was that they would just keep continuing to call him Earthling in perpetuity if they started then, and, online at least, they have). But most of the time, [personal profile] thefourthvine writes recs. Sometimes her recs go off on tangents. Here is one:

Benton Fraser has porn. I just want to repeat that, because I think it's a brilliant concept that deserves far more attention than it is currently getting: Benton Fraser has porn. Yes, this story is just as good as it sounds like it must be.

But there is a down side to it, and it is this: after reading it, I could not stop imagining the porn collections of other fannish favorites. Rodney McKay likely has roughly a terabyte of porn, but really only uses three short clips and one still photo. He's just completist. Jim Kirk (Reboot) also has the terabyte of porn, but he's actually working his way through it - he jerks off to something new every time. It's all hot if you look at it the right way, you know? Batman's porn does not bear contemplation and is certainly not something I would ever want to see, so I am pleased and comforted to know that it is hidden somewhere no one will ever find it, and also it is designed to self-destruct if anyone besides Batman touches it. Clark Kent likes the underwear catalogs. He's never been able to bring himself to get turned on by anything more explicit; he's always afraid his mother will walk in. (Lex Luthor's porn, it goes without saying, is his extensive Clark Kent memorabilia collection.) Methos's porn is called his memory. Jack Harkness's porn is called everything in the world, because everything is hot. How can you put a plug in an outlet and not get turned on? And laundry! All those dirty clothes, shirts and pants and trousers all touching, writhing together: clearly the hottest thing ever.


[personal profile] dragonfly: I recently subscribed to her (? --my default assumption in fandom, though it occurs to me that in this case I don't actually know) because I am reading every White Collar fic under the sun, seriously, White Collar makes me happy like you wouldn't believe, every night I check del.icio.us to see if anyone has recced new White Collar fic, and, uh, I like hers. Yes. Also apparently we are both giant dorks who are trying to figure out where the hell Neal's radius is on googlemaps.
So Sunday I met with my writers' group and they were critiquing a chapter of Mom and my mystery book set in Arizona. The people around the table told me they wanted to know more about the Native Americans I had introduced. Could the main characters have more interaction with them? Were they going to show up later in the book? I said, uh, no, not really, but if they were really that interesting ... So we started talking about Chekhov's gun and how if you introduce a gun into a scene it needs to get used at some point. Likening my Native American characters to Chekhov's gun, I said, "So you're telling me if I introduce some Indians into the story, I have to shoot them."

Stunned looks followed by hoots of laughter all around. Er, that didn't come out right.


[personal profile] zvi is smart and opinionated and, I find, often leading serious discussions I find important and want to take part in. Also she started Ladies' Choice, an AO3 collection for stories in which women enjoy having sex and do not have shame about it. I could love her for this alone.

Helpful advice what I have learned from fanfiction: If I accidentally have sex with someone with whom I would, in actual point of fact, enjoy having an ongoing sexual or romantic relationship with, I should not hastily begin apologizing for the sex, calling it a mistake, or otherwise characterizing it negatively. Because if the other person had enjoyed having accidental sex with me and would have liked to intentionally have sex with me in the future, they certainly aren't going to say so after I declare that it was a terrible idea, having had sex with them.


And, uh, one more--I read this at about two o'clock in the morning so that totally means I read it tonight today. It might not have been on my droll, exactly? But I deeply wanted to share it with like five people immediately and none of them were online, so here we go. Homo Ex Machina by [personal profile] toft is Sherlock Holmes fic--apparently the 1984 version, which imdb informs me is the Jeremy Brett version, which I hear is very good; not having seen it, my brain is currently slotting in RDJ and Jude Law for all versions of Holmes and Watson. In any case! In this story, Holmes is anonymously notified that someone is writing and publishing smut about them. There's a manuscript and pages go everywhere and lines of lurid, purple description keep catching Watson's eye and he is dying of mortification because--because--oh my god, this is probably a story spoiler, but so is the quote I want to pull--because he wrote it. This is probably my favorite line of narrative in the whole piece:

What on earth could I say? Holmes, I accidentally published a pornographic novella in which you and I perform a number of illegal acts, and now I am being blackmailed into making it a serial?


Because oh my god accidentally yes he did. But the awesome of this story cannot be contained in any summary, because the reveals keep coming. Holmes is always six steps ahead of everyone, right? So you can be well-assured that Holmes has even better secrets. I deeply want to quote some of Holmes' dialogue from later in the story, but whoa story spoilers, and really, part of the deep, deep awesome of this story is every time you think you've turned the twist there's a bit more. I just have to say: OH HOLMES. (Yes, that is actaully very like OH DEAN. Who knew?)

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jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
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